I've Moved On Or Have I?
by LoveRob
Summary: Four years after Edward leaves in New Moon Bella is studying in Portland. She is content in her new life with a new job and new friends. All that changes when a blast from the past reappears turning her new found life upside down. M for later chapters
1. Chapter 1

**I've Moved on Or Have I?**

**Chapter 1**

**Thanks go as usual to SM who owns all that is the wonderful Twilight.**

**Hello and welcome all to my new story. Written some 4 years after Edward's departure from Forks. Bella is now living in Portland, Oregon where she attends university**.

BPOV

My name is Isabella Swan, I'm a graduate student at Portland State University. I am half way through a Masters in English. I still don't really know what path I will follow once I achieve this milestone. I am not a Oregon native I come originally from Forks, Washington but have lived in Phoenix Arizona too. My Dad Charlie is Chief of Police back in Forks. I could not wait to leave. All the reminders and the memories. I just needed to get away for my sanity. I had considered various location throughout the US but I needed to be somewhere green somewhere the weather was not too different from the dank grey skies of Forks. I just needed that bit of comfort.

I live in a small two bedroomed apartment near Tyron Creek Park just a short drive away from the university campus. The view from my lounge and bedroom offer me peace when I need it the most. I live alone, I prefer it that way. I am not good company most of the time and to have someone put up with that is unreasonable. I get by, most days I'm actually okay. I can function as a 22 year old woman. Anyone who didn't know would assume I was just a shy, quiet girl from a backwater town in Washington state. If only they actually knew...

It was my 18th Birthday, the day had been wonderful, I had spent the day at school with my then boyfriend and love of my life Edward Cullen, his sister Alice and her husband Jasper. They had treated me like a princess that day. Edward was always attentive but that day was even more so. I was kissed thoroughly whenever the occasion allowed. Alice and Jasper gave me presents and made me laugh when they argued at my lack of enthusiasm. They had thrown me a party at their house. I hated parties, always had even more so now. I knew nothing good would come from it. True to form it hadn't... it was the beginning of the end.

A shudder runs through my body remembering. It still hurt like hell, my heart ached still even after four years. The love of my life you see was actually a vampire. I know I know you think I'm joking believe me I wish I wasn't because if it were not true maybe we would still be together now and still madly in love and I would not live my life like a hermit.

Jasper you see is also a vampire and one who unlike my Edward was not as self disciplined when it came to drinking human blood. I had gotten a small paper cut opening up one of the many gifts the Cullens had gotten me. Then bang Jasper attacked, Edward went mad a fight ensued and I was hurt in the melee that followed. Not badly just a cut on my upper arm it needed a few stitches. Wow...

Then Edward reacted, he sulked for a couple of days distanced himself from me and then dropped the bombshell.

"Bella we're leaving Forks."

"No Bella you can't come with us."

"Because I don't want you to."

"You don't belong in my world Bella."

"I'll always love you in a way."

"It'll be like I never existed."

I even asked him to clarify.

"You don't want me?"

He'd casually replied

"No"

In that moment my heart ripped apart. My whole world fell apart from the moment he walked away. True to his word I had heard nothing from him or his family since. They all left me, not even a goodbye. It hurt a lot especially from Alice, she was my best friend and she couldn't even stay to say goodbye. I missed them all of course. Carlisle his Dad, so kind and gracious. Esme his Mum, she had willingly taken on the roll of Mum to me too in the absence of my own. Emmett, Edward's older and bigger brother who treated me like a baby sister, even his beautiful wife Rosalie I missed, even though she never liked me. Alice my sister almost, we shared everything and even my Dad adored her, her husband Jasper always cautious around me up until the party. It was not his fault I'd never wanted a party. Bad things always happened to me. Edward, what can I say about Edward Cullen. Gorgeous of course, sex hair the most lovely browny copper colour. Eyes like topaz when he wasn't thirsty and like onyx when he was. His smell was quite breath taking. Everything about him was perfect. He was too perfect for someone like me. I missed him the most of all. I missed his strong arms which wrapped around every night in bed. No we didn't sleep together every night in the real sense of the words. He stayed with me every night and held me close. It was more than enough. I missed his cold hard lips on mine and his dazzling stare that often took my breath away. I missed him all of him.

I missed them all so much even to this day. My Dad would go mad if he knew how I still felt. He hated Edward for treating me like that. He hated what I became after they left. Poor Charlie he tried his best, it can't have been easy dealing with a catatonic 18 year old. I know I was unresponsive to everyone. Even when my Mum came to take me back to Phoenix my only reaction was screaming and refusing to leave in case he came back to me.

Promising I would try harder to get back to normal they allowed me to stay so I got up every day and went to school. I studied hard, I spoke when I was spoken to and smiled when it was expected but no more. Never did I do more than I absolutely had to.

When I graduated Dad was so proud, he knew the world was now my oyster. He actively encouraged me to move away and travelled with me around the country looking and considering other universities. We actually had a great time. We both saw places we've never dreamed of. We climbed the Statue of Liberty when we went to New York and even saw a show on Broadway. We walked the hall of fame in Hollywood, looking at the names of all the stars as we walked. We went to Denver Colorado, Miami Florida, Boise Idaho and Columbus Ohio. I struggled to decide where to go but what won out in the end was how like Forks Portland looked. The greenery, the climate and the peace and quiet. I was more than happy with my choice I had done very well in Portland the course I had chosen suited me perfectly. I excelled and came out with a first class bachelor degree. The staff almost begged me to stay and complete a masters. I was a dream student. Always delivered work in on time, I was enthusiastic and polite. I was so easy to teach and I pushed up their averages. I had a feeling they may offer me a job at the end of my course.

Dad didn't visit much and I didn't go home much either. It was all still too raw. Dad knew this and didn't push it. We understood each other perfectly.

Now four years later I still struggle to understand why he left me. Months after he'd gone I'd found all our mementos hidden under my floor boards. He hadn't removed himself from me totally. He'd left the cd he'd made me for my Birthday that year, the photo's of us taken throughout our relationship and the tickets Carlisle and Esme had bought us to go visit my Mum in Phoenix. Also in the small box were notes he'd left me throughout our relationship. His elegant script tore at my heart strings even now. His words were always perfect for every occasion.

I can only sigh now at the perfect memories. I still love him I realise now that I probably always will.

Life has to go on as my Dad would say. I just knuckled down and got on with it. Today I'm going for an interview for a job. I need to work to increase my income. I had bled my Dad's and my own savings dry. I needed to support myself in order to complete my studies.

At three o'clock hours today I was having a meeting with the owner of a local coffee shop. It was a well known gathering place for student at my Uni. Whilst only small it was large enough to be popular and always busy. They had advertised for a part time waitress come server who would work flexible hours to suit both parties.

I dressed carefully, decided smart casual was better than too smart. The black trousers and white button down blouse I decided looked perfect. Black ballet pumps completed my outfit and I actually felt quite confident. This was not a usual state of mind of me.

I drove into town, the roads were quiet and I liked that. I had noticed that the coffee shop stayed open until nine o'clock every evening. Good not too late. I was going to offer a mixture of early and late finishes hoping my show of flexibility would stand me in good stead.

Parking was easy near the coffee shop. The area had a high volume of pedestrian walkways and the car park out the precinct was not overly busy ever. People here tended to walk a lot or use their bikes.

Walking to the coffee shop I rehearsed what I was going to say. I hoped they would have a series of questions so that I did not have to talk about myself too much. Inside I announced my arrival to the only waitress who was stood by the counter. She smiled at me and walked into the back.

"Take a seat Bella, Tom will be with you shortly." she said

I sat down not too far from the door. Tom who was Tom the advert had asked for applications to be sent into Penny. I had arranged this meeting today with someone called Penny over the phone so who the hell was Tom.

Tom I soon found out was the owner Penny's son. He was probably a few years older than me, blond, huge blue eyes and cute. Penny was not well and had asked Tom to step in today. She hoped I didn't mind. Were interviews not bad enough without having to sit opposite some cute guy you didn't know and talk about yourself.

"Bella, I'm Tom please come this way." he gestured for me to follow him.

We went into a back office, the room was unexpected in a coffee shop. Penny obviously ran a tight ship and did so from her office. On the occasions I'd been in the shop the staff had been young, I assumed students from my Uni. I had not seen Penny or at least I assumed I hadn't. Looking at Tom now I would guess she must be 40 ish so I definitely had not seen her.

"So Bella tell me about yourself."

Could I get a worse question? I went through the basics, I told him about my studies and a brief family tree.

"Why do you want this job and why should I give it to you?"

Now that one is easier to answer.

"Well I'm reliable, hard working and able to be really flexible in my working hours. I can change my shifts to suit as long as they don't clash with a lecture. I'll work around you. You should give me the job if you want someone who is conscientious about everything shedoes. I want this job to help me pay my way through my masters and also to help me make new friends and socialise more."

I was proud of that answer although I wondered if the socialising thing would make them think I was going to stand and talk to friend my whole shift. Oh well too late now.

"So Bella if you were successful would you ever consider flirting with the customers?

"Only on my time and not the shops." I say with a small laugh.

"What about flirting with the owners son's?"

My face was beetroot now and I didn't know where to look or even if he really expected me to answer him.

"Urmmmmmm."

"Don't worry Bella we'll have plenty of time to perfect your flirting technique in the coming months. Welcome onboard."

He stood up and offered my his hand. I nearly did a usual Bella and nose dived over the desk. Fortunately he had my hand in his which steadied me.

"Really, really you want to offer me the job. Wow thanks Tom. When do I start?"

My shifts were confirmed as Monday 4-9pm, Weds 10-3pm and Friday 4-9pm. I had agreed to work additional ad hoc hours as and when they required if I could.

I was ecstatic. The pay was more than reasonable at twenty dollars per hours plus tips. I would be expected to do everything, wait on, serve, cashier and cook. I was looking forward to the cooking part. We served several pastries and I when on shift would be expected to make them. I loved cooking and baking was included in that.

Driving home I sang loud. I could not remember the last time I was so happy. I blushed again as I remembered Tom flirting with me. I shake my head I would have to watch myself around him he would not stop at flirting of that I was sure. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Flattered for sure, he was tall and handsome and his Mum owned the best coffee shop in Portland.

Dad was really pleased when I told him of my success we chatted for a while about the usual. Billy, Jacob and fishing. God love him. I hoped he'd never change.

My first shift was looming. My early lecture went as I would expect. I was able to take loads of notes and wasconfident the paper I had due would achieve top marks. I decided to stay in town and go to the Library to ill time before my shift. I had last week taken delivery of my new uniform. Navy trousers and a cream short sleeved blouse edged in navy piping. Very smart. Two of each were delivered to my home along with a pair of very comfortable looking clogs. Penny had assured me my feet would thank me in the long run. I'd laughed at that.

Ready and about on time I walked to the shop. It was quite busy even though it was only three o'clock. I was to be shown the ropes by the assistant manager a woman called Shirley. She was lovely, very helpful and I knew we would get along from the outset. Her patience was tested as I dropped cup after cup. She laughed at me and said she would have to think up an appropriate nickname. She made me feel at ease and my usual clumsiness disappeared. The time flew by. I served several of my fellow students who all spoke and were friendly.

I was exhausted when I walked through the door to my apartment shortly after nine fifteen. I crawled into bed after a hot shower and did not stir again until the alarm woke me at seven thirty the next morning. I definitely had not slept that well since ...

Lectures were thick and fast on a Tuesday. I loved every minute of them. Each one held my interest and mycreative juices could not wait to start on the dissertations due before the end of the semester. I had loads of ideas and lots of notes to get me started. I even spoke to some of the other English major today. They even seemed surprised when I started the conversations. Some of the girls even invited me out after work on Friday. They were going clubbing and wondered if I'd like to join them. I explained I'd just started my new job so was still adjusting and would be too tired but maybe another time. They told me they go out every Friday and I was free to join up with them anytime. Things were really looking up.

When my mobile phone rang later at home I did not recognise the number flashing before me. I answered cautiously.

"Hello Bella speaking."

"Hi Bella its Tom, is it convenient to talk or are you busy?"

Oh hi Tom, no I'm not busy, how are you?" I was blushing to the roots of my hair.

"I'm good thank you. I've been thinking about you a lot since we met last week at the interview. I was hoping that you will agree to go out to dinner with me sometime. Will you?"

"Oh Tom I don't know I don't really date. I'm not good company on a date."

"Are you gay Bella?"

"No I'm not gay silly I just don't do dating very well."

" Okay, how about we start as friends and see where that takes us. No pressure just friends enjoying each others company. No dates just friends spending time together. How does that sound?"

He wasn't going to give in easily, he made me laugh at his persistence.

"Well I'll certainly consider going out with a friend. Let me think about it and get back to you. Is that okay?"

When I hung up I hugged the phone. Why was I reacting like this. He was a guy and he wanted to take me out. Nothing good would come out of this. Why would he be even interested in me. It was something I always used to ask myself about...Edward and Tom wasn't even in his league.

Maybe I should lighten up and just let whatever happens happen. What harm could going out with a friend do. He was certainly nice enough and easy on the eye. I wasn't interested in him romantically. I mean I could never do that to Edward. Listen to me again, did Edward Cullen give a crap about me NO he left me. Would he care if I dated other guys? Why the hell would he. What the hell has it to do with him anyway. I'll do what I like when I like with who I like.

That night I toss and turn in bed and don't sleep very much at all. Edward never very far from my conscious thoughts and even more in my dreams.

Wednesday at work was really busy. It was a day shift and I realised now that student popped in and out all day. They were always hungry and the pastries went down a treat. Penny was thrilled when I told her I liked to bake. She gave me some recipes she used for the usual pastries we offered but also gave me free reign over some ideas of my own. I made a small number of my own cakes and biscuits and was delighted when Shirley told me we'd sold the lot. Penny asked me to write down the recipes so that the other cooks could bake them in my absence. The shift flew by, after I stayed on and baked some more for tomorrow. I was fed and watered along the way and went home happy and tired. Once again I slept like a log.

Thursday was my free day. No lectures, no work. I got to do what I liked Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays. Today I intended to take myself out onto a trail. I loved hiking, even when I fell over which was often I loved the sense of freedom it gave me. Loading my backpack with a sandwich for later and plenty of water as well as my new digital camera I set off.

It was warm but overcast, today I was headed to the Eden Park / Cairn Basin area and up to Vista Ridge where the wild flowers and views took my breath away. When I had first stumbled across this area it reminded me of our meadow back in Forks, especially the wild flowers. I had cried and cried the first time I had gone there after that it offered me peace and a sense of calm.

My love of photography took me on many trails. My computer now full of thousand upon thousand of pictures of wildlife and flowers. Some are of people I love to people watch too. Some thing I learned from my vampire family. How to read people.

The trail is quiet today, I suppose being a midweek day everyone is at work. It is not the season for tourists too late in the year. I love the overcast weather back in Forks it meant we could go out together, he could not be seen out in the sun. he sparkled and I loved it but it would give their secret away and we couldn't risk that.

Sitting amongst the wild flowers I take in the stunning views around me. My water has stayed cold in the special cooler compartment of my backpack. A present from Charlie last Christmas. Rabbits frolic all around and I spot the occasional deer in the distance. I must fall asleep because when I come to the light is fading and I can here coyotes n the distance. Its still light enough to walk back safely of that I am sure.

The scenery takes on a whole new look and feel at this time of day. It's only just after six but the light is fading fast. I cannot help but get the feeling of eeriness. Why I don't know. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I'm sure I can hear twigs cracks in the forest surrounding the trail. Crime is low in this area so I'm not too concerned about that and I always carry the good old pepper spray my Dad got for years ago. I take it out of the side pocket of my backpack just incase. Its probably just an animal and my over eager imagination playing tricks with me. For god sakes I hung out with a family of vampires for over six months I shouldn't be scared of a few noises in the trees.

When I reach the main road I cannot help but breath a sigh of relief. I laugh quietly to myself. I still cannot shake the feeling of something stalking me, not in a threatening way, watching curious. Who knows.

Safely back in the apartment I load today's pictures onto the laptop. There are some stunning ones and I email them to Charlie and Renee telling them all about the hike. My eyes are drawn on one of the more scenic pictures. Its of the forest, I'm looking down on it form the ridge above. The tree line is stunning but what is that? Is that a person hiding behind one of the trees at the edge of the forest. It looks like it but it could be my eyes playing tricks with me. The shot is from too far away. Its only a shape, it looks small child like almost, peeping out looking straight at me from behind a tree. Even a magnifying glass does not reveal much else. What did I really expect to see? My stalker? No just my imagination working overtime.

A long hot bath relaxes me and soon it is time for bed. I have two lectures before work tomorrow and I'm told Friday's are the busiest day. Getting into bed I notice that my mobile is flashing that I have a message. Funny I didn't hear the message alert going off. It must have been when I was in the bathroom.

No numbed was registered it actually said **with held** I didn't know anyone who with held their number not even my Dad and Tom's number was now in my phone from his previous call.

What I read on the message stunned me it simply said

**I miss you Bella**

Was this some kind of joke? Why would someone send me a message like this. Only a handful of people knew my number. I had changed the mobile number when I came to Portland so other than my Dad no one in Forkshad it. The Uni had it incase it needed to contact me about a change in lecture times, work had it, Tom had it and two other girls on my course had it. I was confident it was non of them. If it hadn't have had my name at the end I'd have thought it was a wrong number.

I tried to respond but my message came back as undelivered. I even checked to see if I had any missed calls. I didn't.

Unable to sleep I turned my laptop back on and stared for hours at the picture with the possible figure in it. The size and shape hinted at what or who it could be. Would it be worth ditching classes tomorrow and going back for a closer look. Would I dare get closer to the forest down from the ridge to see if who or what was still lurking. Would I be safe. If it was in fact a person and who I thought it possibly was. I would be meant no harm.

'No Bella you are being ridiculous. Stop this now. You are imagining things.' I knew it was only because I desperately wanted it to be real. I wanted it to be Alice up there in the forest watching over me. How stupid was I? Why would **Alice Cullen **be in Portland? Why now, why had I not felt her presence before now.?

Finally I drifted off on the sofa. My laptop was still on when a woke up feeling rough and very irritable. Even along hot shower did not help my mood. I vowed not to hike again or take picture again until my mind stopped imagining things.

After school I showered and changed for work in the ladies washrooms. Kayla and Julia were there too. Still trying to persuade me to go out with them clubbing. I agreed to think about it some more and took their numbers agreeing to call them after my shift if I was not too tired and fancied meeting up with them. Two more people's numbers added to my phone now.

Work was hectic, I never stopped. Latte after latte cappuccino after cappuccino. I didn't have time to think about going out after I was run ragged. When we finally closed at nine o'clock everyone looked like me done in. There were six of us on shift, me, Shirley, Penny, Billy, Pete and Lisa. We all decided we deserved to go grab a drink next door at the pub. Penny insisted on paying taking were up fifty percent this week and she joked it was down to my new recipes and attractiveness. I actually liked spending time with these people. There was no pressure the conversation was easy and I felt it was the start of something good.

We must have been there an hour when Tom joined us. I blushed when he sat beside me. I could feel his mother's eyes watching our interaction. I received a text from Julia asking me if I was joining them. I replied truthfully that I had gone out with work colleagues.

"Well Bella how does this evening feel being out with friends? Tom asked.

"Good Tom just what I needed after a long and very busy day."

I knew what he meant. He wanted to know if I classed this evening as a night out with friends because he was there.

The light hearted conversation continued and we all laughed for what seemed like hours. One by one we all said goodnight. Tom walked me to my car which was parked right in front of the shop next door. He opened the door for me after I'd unlocked it. I hesitated before getting in not knowing how to act with him. My mobile phone messaging tone broke the awkwardness for us.

He leaned over and placed delicate kiss on my right cheek.

"Goodnight Bella."

I swear I heard the rumble of a growl in the distance. A quick scan of the surrounding area revealed nothing. Wishful thinking again. The text was from my Dad hoping I'd had a good first week at work. He went on to say he loved the pictures I'd sent via email and would talk to me over the weekend. I was a little disappointed that the text was from my Dad and not my mystery texter.

The phone went off again when I arrived home. It was Tom.

**Would you be opposed to drinks with a friend tomorrow night?**

I text back

**not at all. I'll see you at the same place at eight.**

I quickly pressed send before I changed my mind. I slept really really well tonight. Don't know if it was the tiredness or the alcohol or a combination of both. Who cares it was the best nights sleep ever.

Saturday was spent washing and cleaning. I stripped the bed and linens and washed the lot. I moved all the furniture and hoovered everywhere. Where the energy came from I don't know. The place looked immaculate. If by some stretch of the imagination Tom came back with me tonight I could be proud of my home. It was only early afternoon and was done. I had at least a few hours to kill.

I was up at Vista Ridge before I could think about it. There were more people about today. Some were faces I recognised as regular hikers and some were from campus. I sat in the exact same spot as I had earlier in the week. Today children ran in and out of the trees below. She would never show herself when others were around. I knew that, they were all far too secretive to be out and about on a busy weekend.

Dark clouds rolled in and most people took that as sign to rush off home. I stayed glued to the tree line. The thunder clouds hovered overhead but I didn't rain. The storm when it came was spectacular. I sat and watched as the lightening danced across the blackened skyline. Thunder clapped close by. I wasn't afraid. How could I be when ths sort of weather had brought me closer to him. Once again I lost track of time and had to jog the trail back home. As I entered the apartment block my phone buzzed in my pocket. A thrill ran through me as I looked at the message and saw once again it was from the with held number.

**You always did like danger Bella. What were you thinking up there today in the storm?** **I know you have thought about who this is Bella. Don't look for me... please**

My breath catches in my throat, Alice it must be Alice. Only she would know that I had thought about who was sending me the messages. It wasn't Edward. The words weren't right for him. It was Alice for sure but how and why I would have to wait and see if she would stay in contact with me as I had no way to reach her by phone at least.

I now only had an hour to get ready to meet Tom. I didn't need to dress up but I wanted to shower and feel the best I could. After a long hot shower I decided on black jeans and a petrol blue sweater. The combination looked good. It suited casual but was smart enough if required. I decided against trainers and slipped on black ballet pumps. I was ready, my hair was done, I had applied a small amount of make up and a dash of perfume.

He was already stood outside waiting for me when I pulled up.

"Bella you look lovely." he said leaning over to kiss my cheek.

I automatically blushed as he ushered inside. I grabbed a table in a booth whilst he went to the bar. When he returned with two beers I was more than relieved. He hadn't asked what I wanted to drink and I was afraid he'd go with wine and wine and me were a definite no no.

We talked and laughed with ease. People both he and I knew passed by and all stopped to say hi. I felt comfortable and unpressured. Just how I wanted it. He had me bent over double with laughter telling stories of his youth. He was 25 studied law at Yale and was in the process of starting up his own practice here in Portland. His mother and father were helping him fund it. He was a lucky guy and very nice too. As the beer flowed freely everyone in the pub loosened up and the dance floor filled. I was never a dancer always had two left feet. Tonight I found it easy to go with the flow. I refused anymore drink knowing I was gonna have to call a taxi home having had too much already.

When the bar man called time I was actually sad I was having a ball. Dancing with Tom was fun, he was good company and I could feel we were going to be fast friends. Tom had only had one beer and insisted on driving me home. I was a little tipsy to say the least and freely invited him for a coffee. You see that is what happens when an innocent has alcohol. Things get misinterpreted. I really only meant come in for a coffee and nothing else. Tom wasn't like that anyway he had been nothing but a gentleman when I'd explained about me and dating. He was happy to be my friend.

In the apartment I put on some music and headed for the kitchen. With two cups of coffee in my hand I headed back into the lounge. Tom was flicking through the pictures on my laptop which I had left open and on from earlier. Sitting down rather heavily next to him I showed him the picture of the tree line and asked him if he thought someone was stood there. We debated for ages. He gave a very good argument against it being a person and a very good argument for it been a trick of the light.

"Good to tell you are going to be a lawyer." I say stifling a yawn.

I sit back relaxing into the soft cushions on my sofa and close my eyes. The next minute I feel soft lips on mine. What the...

I push him off and get up.

"Tom I thought I'd told you I don't want this."

"Bella come on we've had a great night and I was just kissing you."

"Well I don't want you kissing me or anyone kissing me for that matter. Will you please leave now."

"Okay Bella I'll go but please reconsider because when I kissed you then it felt great and I'd really like to do it again."

A loud knock on my door released the tension in the air. It was way passed midnight who the hell could be knocking on my door at this time of night. When I opened the door there was no one there. Tom stepped out and looked around. He shrugged his shoulders and took off. We hadn't imagined the loud knock of that I am sure. I wonder...

"Alice you can come out now he's gone." I say to the empty corridor outside my apartment.

Just as I'm about to turn and go back in a movement catches my eye. Dare I approach. What if its not Alice, what if it's a stalker, what if its Edward. No Edward would have been inside the apartment the minute I protested about the kiss. Tom would be dead now that's for sure. I just stand and wait, eager to see if she will show herself to me. Again I am about to go back in when a small voice says

"Hello Bella, its me Alice. It really is."

She steps into the light and she looks exactly like she did four years ago. I am too stunned for words. My alcohol induced stupor is not helping me with reality here. Everything goes black.

When I wake up I am in bed, undressed and in a pair of satin pj's I have never seen before. If ever I needed proof Alice had been here these pj's were it. I wasn't going mad. I must have fainted last night when she appeared and she must have brought me back into the apartment and put me to bed.

On the table at the side of me a note reads.

_**Don't drink around men again. Your innocence astounds even me. I don't think your new beau believes you only want to be friends.**_

_**He will go mad when he reads my mind about this. He still loves you Bella. He still hurting too just like you. Give me a sign if you want to talk some more.**_

_**Alice**_

Fuck what I am supposed to do now. How can they be here. How long have they been nearby. Does he watch me like Alice does? I'm going to go crazy wondering. I need to speak to her and soon. I also need to speak to Tom**. **How he could have misunderstood my words I don't know but now he has a choice to make. Friends or nothing. I don't want him trying to kiss me again**. **I also don't Edward to get the wrong impression. What the hell why does what Edward Cullen think matter to me. He left me, he wanted me to have a full and normal life surely that means other men proper relationships. I'll show him.

Up and dressed in no time I open my lounge window and shout

"Alice if you can hear me we need to talk... now."

The knocks comes to my door after only seven minutes. She really is very reliable.

When I open the door this time she is stood looking like she just got off the catwalk. I throw myself into her open arms sobbing

"Oh Bella I had almost forgotten how exuberant you are. Good job I've fed recently."

Dragging her inside I close and lock the door.

"How long have you been in Portland Alice?"

"Not long really, maybe seven months. We live a good few miles away in Northern California but our hunting range covers where you hike and I saw you again about five months ago. Walking taking pictures. I was so excited, Jazz made me promise not to tell Edward. He still so upset over everything that happened I didn't want to make him worse. So Jazz and I bought a little place close by in the mountains. I get to see you most days Bella and it feels wonderful. I never meant for you to see me. I knew you had that day you were taking photo's that's why I sent the text."

"Where is he Alice?"

"He's with Carlisle and Esme in California. He knows I've seen you Bella he read my mind when I visited them last. He doesn't know I've contacted you though I haven't seen him snce we made contact. I hoped he thought it was just a passing thing. His face when he saw. Bella he is so stupid I could kill him. He has tortured himself for four years now and for what. You are both miserable."

"I'm not miserable Alice. I get by, I had just started to move on, make new friends, I've even got a job. I like it here I'm settled Alice I don't want you or him disrupting that. Please."

"I'm not here to cause you problems Bella I just miss you and would like to have you back in my life."

"Really, you missed me. You have no idea how much I missed you. Almost as much as I missed him. You left without even saying goodbye Alice."

"I know Bella and I can never apologise enough for that but Jazz was a mess and Edward made us all believe it was for the best. I'm so sorry Bella."

"Never mind you're here now. So tell me what you've been up to."

We talked all day. It was Jasper's phone call later that made us realise how long we had been talking. I hadn't eaten and it was now almost five o'clock. Alice looked uncomfortable at something Jasper told her but waved off my concern with a nothing for you to worry about.

We agreed to meet up again at my apartment on Tuesday after my lectures were done. I couldn't believe Alice and Jasper were so close. She had promised to bring him with her next time. I was looking forward to seeing him again.

A while after she had gone my mobile phone buzzed with a message. This time it was another private number but not with held.

**Why would you want her in your life again Bella?**

I felt I had to reply and wrote simply.

**Because I love her like a sister that's why.**

My phone didn't buzz again.

Well girls what do we think of the first chapter? Let me know.

I am sure he will be making an appearance in the not too distant future. Especially if I get lots of reviews and begging emails. Lol


	2. Chapter 2

**I've Moved On Or Have I?**

Chapter 2

I'm liking the comments I've had so far about my new story. Please continue to read and enjoy.

**As per usual my grateful thanks to SM who owns all that is Twilight**.

**BPOV**

I was so looking forward to seeing and spending time with Alice and Jasper again on Tuesday. I had what we could do together all planned out. I was therefore not very happy when I received a curt text cancelling our visit. My response went unanswered and Alice's phone went straight to the networks answer phone when I tried to call her. Hmm very strange. I was determined that I was not going to be too upset about it.

Today was Monday and I had work after lectures and I had sent Tom a text asking him to meet me after work for a little talk. I had rehearsed what I needed to say to him more than I had my interview responses. I really hoped he would understand but I would not be pressured into giving in to him and agreeing to dating him when I did not want to date anyone.

Shirley continued to show me the ropes. Today I was chief cashier and it would be my job to cash up at the end of the day. Maths had never been a problem for me so I wasn't worried about that. I was more scared of the till going wrong or the receipts not adding up. I knew they all needed to be kept and be correct for the accountant. Shirley was the best teacher she knew everything there was to know about running the shop. She was Penny's right hand woman after all. We talked as she showed me, she told me she had left school and fallen pregnant soon after so never got the chance to go to university. Her daughter was now 12 and Shirley was a single mother. Her husband baled on her after five years of marriage. From how she spoke I could tell she adored her daughter and her parents helped her out when she was working with childcare. She truly was a lovely woman and very bright.

As the customers dropped off we started to clear up and that's when I started to get nervous. Tom would be here soon. I had asked him to wait in the car park preferably in his car. I didn't want the rest of my colleagues seeing us together and assuming we were an item. I know how easy it is for people to add 2 and 2 together and come up with something that is not true.

With the last customer gone I closed and locked the door. It was bang on nine o'clock. The rest of the cleaning up and making sure everything was ready for tomorrow took no time at all. Everyone said goodnight and went on their merry way. I too headed towards my car.

Tom was parked next to me and sat watching me walk towards him. I felt sick and a little intimidated by his stare. I was never very good at things like this and even more so now with a man and my bosses son to boot.

"Hi Bella" Tom said casually.

"Hello thanks for coming." I responded looking down at my feet.

"Will you join me in my car Bella or should we sit in yours?"

"Whatever, it won't take long."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I knew they would sound wrong. I didn't mean it exactly like it sounded. Talk about putting your foot in it. Bella Swan strikes again.

I walked quickly around to the passenger side of his car and got in the front seat pulling the door closed behind me. Once I was in the car I realised I would have been better off in my car. I mean he could drive off with me now and I would be powerless to stop him.

"So Bella what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Tom we can't go out anymore if you are going to try to kiss me again. I meant what I said about not wanting a relationship or even a date. I thought we had a great time the other night as friends and if I'd even realised you thought it was more I would have stopped it right there and then. I would love to be your friend Tom but that is all I have to offer you. Its all I want to offer you. If you cannot respect my decision then I'm sorry to say we cannot see each other anymore outside of shop hours."

How I got it all out and sounded actually reasonable I really don't know.

"Why are so against dating Bella? Did someone hurt you? I promise I will not hurt you. I find you extremely attractive and I like you as a person and I would be lying now if I said I didn't want to explore this more. Is there someone else Bella? Is that what all this is about are you already in a relationship?

"No I'm not I swear. With a huge sigh I tell him. I was in a relationship about four years ago that ended badly but that is not the only reason why I don't date. I'm not good at the whole relationship thing Tom and I don't feel now is the time to try. I want to complete my studies and decide on a career before I think about men and a relationship. hope you understand. I really do but if you persist in trying to date me or kiss me again I will stop seeing you I mean it. I feel really strongly about this. Please respect my decision."

"I'll be your friend Bella but know I'm waiting in the wings for the first sign you want more. I won't push you into something you are uncomfortable with I am not that sort of guy and I apologise for kissing you on Saturday night. I need to tell you though it was some kiss even though you weren't happy with it I certainly was."

We ended up chatting for a while and things were comfortable. I could breathe easily again now knowing that I had not lost one of my new friends. It did appear however that I might have lost an old friend all over again as I'd still not heard a peep from Alice. If I were a betting sort of girl I'd say for certain that her gorgeous vampire brother had something to do with it. Just thinking about him makes me go weak at the knees. When I picture his lovely face and to die for smile I almost swoon. Stupid vampire family.

My Tuesday should have been spent with Alice and Jasper but now still non the wiser I am bored after I head home following my final lecture. Pottering around the apartment offers me no comfort. I need to get out of this place I decide and head to the Library. A few girls from my course are in the Library we must have all been in the same mind. They badger me into joining them at a bar for a couple of hours. Unlike me I decide what the hell and agree to go. I won't be drinking, one because of what happened on Saturday after I'd had a few too many and two I had my car with me and I intended driving home alone.

The bar was quiet, only to be expected for a Tuesday night. We grabbed a booth and ordered a selection of beers and soft drinks for the light weights amongst us. Me included. This bar was much more select than the one next to the coffee shop. This bar had an air of class and yet still attracted student who didn't have two dimes to rub together. The lighting was subdued and the music tasteful and not too loud. I liked it here I decided. The small intimate dance floor was empty for a while then a few couples got up and danced to the latest chart topping numbers. I was people watching when I saw her. How could I miss her. Tall, stunning with flowing blond hair and a figure to die for. Rosalie Hale, she didn't need to be facing me to know if was her. I wondered fleetingly if the lovable Emmett would be with her. I could not see him but that meant nothing. I had to get out of here as panic started to rise in me. I could allow her to see me. She had always disliked me and now if she found out that I was nearby she would encourage them to flee again.

As I said my quick goodbyes I stumbled towards the door. I didn't even stop to look or turn around when I heard a familiar

"Isabella Swan is that you baby girl?"

Gasping for air I raced the whole way to my car knowing full well that if he'd wanted to he could catch up with me in a flash. I was hoping he'd think he was mistaken especially as I didn't respond to him saying my name. God I hope he forgets about it and does not mention it to him. I reached my car and risked a look behind me. Nothing... I could breathe again.

I drove much faster than I should have home. I was shaking, I could not let them do this to me all over again. I was so happy to see Alice again and knew we could be friends without involving the rest of her family. Emmett was a different matter. Inside my apartment I lock and bolt the door. I close every blind something I have never done before tonight I need to hide. I feel exposed and I need to get a handle on how to deal with it.

Slumping to the floor behind the door I try hard not to hyperventilate. I manage to calm my breathing down and my panic attack subsides but only just. Oh god what am I going to do if one by one they all appear. If I react like this to the sound of Emmett's voice what is going to happen if I come face to face with him. NO NO NO I refuse to consider that even a possibility.

I need to sleep but know without help tonight I will not. For the first time in I don't know how long I take a sleeping pill. I shudder with disgust at my weakness. It works though I go out like a light.

Emmett's voice is the first thing I recall when I wake up. Groaning I pull myself up and head towards the bathroom. Standing under the hot shower I recall Rosalie looking perfect as usual then the sound of Emmett calling my name. I'd had an affinity with Emmett right for the start. He soon became the older brother I'd never had. I adored him as much as he adored me. I'd missed his constant teasing more than I could ever say.

Work was busy but I was able to hide away in the back baking. My new biscuits and cakes were going down a treat and my day shift on a Wednesday consisted of me baking up a whole batch to last the week out. Penny had told me the others could not bake my stuff like I did. Here in the kitchen I could hide in case someone came looking for me. I didn't think for a moment they would but I was scared shitless anyway. I had always been a coward.

My mobile phone had not rung and I hadn't received a text since Alice cancelled our visit. Today it was still quiet. No matter for how long I stared at it nothing happened. Tonight I was going to email some of my old friends back in Forks, Angela Weber and Jessica Stanley. We had kept loosely in touch and emailed each other periodically. Tonight with nothing better to do I set about doing just that.

Thursday was my day to myself the day I hiked. I was not going anywhere near the forest today. I was going to stay in the city maybe I'd even drive to the coast I mean it was only about 80 miles and I wasn't in a rush. The fresh clean air would clear my head. Hmm I'd consider that.

Having eaten a hearty breakfast I decided the trip to the coast was just what Bella needed. I made myself a picnic lunch and packed my trusty backpack with several bottles of water. I was ready.

The journey took me a couple of hours. I decided to head to Cannon Beach. I'd taken a few minutes before I set off to look up the names of the coastal resorts. Cannon Beach sounded just what I needed right now. The beach area was famed as good as Sydney and Rio and the little town behind the beach had a variety of quaint shops and art galleries. If I liked it I would come back and stay the weekend after I'd received my first months pay cheque.

The beach was busier than I expected with couples and singles alike strolling along taking in the beautiful sights. I set off walking my camera at the ready. Dad would love the change in scenery from the usual mountains and flowers. I must have walked for a good hour when I came across an empty bench. Sitting down I opened my bag and took out my lunch. This was the life, fresh sea air, peace and quiet and lovely views. After lunch I headed back towards the little town. I meandered through narrow street looking in many shop windows. I could spend a whole week here window shopping. I loved it. The art gallery was open and free. It held some interesting pieces.

I needed to be heading back home. The traffic was sure to be busier now as people headed home from work. I was exhausted in a good way. I felt totally relaxed and happy. I made the right decision today coming here. The journey home took almost twice as long as the journey there did. When I arrived home it was getting dark. Once again I locked up and closed the blinds.

Sleep came easily tonight with no pills required. When I woke the next morning I don't think I'd even moved. I cannot believe it is Friday already. Another week gone in a flash. I'd still not heard anything from Alice. Had she not been a vampire I might be worried.

School and work flew by. The weekend offered me no relief from thinking a Cullen was jump out at me at the first opportunity. It didn't happen though I'm glad to say. I spoke to Charlie who'd talked excitedly about the new pictures I'd emailed. He wanted to know all about the beach and if I knew what the fishing was like. He was going to mention taking a trip down there to Billy. It was lovely to hear his enthusiasm. I felt sad when we said goodbye. Something I didn't usually feel.

Sunday I decided to grow a set and get outside I was sick of hiding. I could not allow them to do that to me again. I know it was all my doing but I just wasn't strong enough yet to deal with facing him. Today I would drive up to Columbia River and hike through the gorge. There is a trail around fourteen miles long that I fancied doing it is called Larch Mountain Trail. Not for the faint hearted I believe as some parts of the trail are steep as it climbs to the summit.

It's a busy trail with parents and children, people with their dogs. I manage to hang back and walk leisurely on my own. My camera is busy all of the time and several times I loose my footing. Nothing new there then. I don't actually fall over which is saying something. Houses are dotted around here and there in the distance. All offer complete privacy, I wonder where the place Alice and Jasper have bought is. She never said just that they had bought a small place in the mountains near Portland. Knowing Alice her idea of small would be a mansion to me. I shake my head as continue to move on up the trail.

Whilst I love the scenery it's a little too busy on this trail for me. I head back down disappointed that I have not been able to find a quiet place to sit and eat my lunch and take more photo's. In the car park there is a queue waiting to leave. I sit and listen to the local radio station fill me in on all the local news as I wait.

Days drift into weeks and I hear and see no more from any of the Cullens. My mobile phone is abnormally silent apart from the weekly calls from my Dad. I think I got lulled into a false sense of security when one Monday night after work I returned home to find the lights in my lounge already on and the tv talking to itself.

Pepper spray at the ready I creep through the door and find myself face to face with the evil pixie herself.

"Don't you be pointing that at me." she says indignantly pointing to the pepper spray in my hand.

"Alice what are you doing here and how did you get inside my house?"

Unlike back home in Forks I had no spare key hidden in the eaves or a planter outside.

"Bella what does it matter I'm here and that is all that is important."

Reluctantly I let her drag me towards to sofa.

"So tell me Alice why have you decided to come and see me now. What happened weeks back when we were supposed to spend that Tuesday together?'

"Bella you always were impatient. You remember when Jazz rang me after we'd talked for hours."

"Yes"

"Well Edward had showed up at our place and read Jazz's mind which told him straight away I was here with you. He flipped. It was quite funny really. Well no you wouldn't have wanted to see that. Well he ranted and raved and insisted I come home and explain myself. When I got there he was madder than I'd ever seen him. He accused me of ruining your life all over again more than he had done. He wouldn't listen to the fact that you were as pleased to see me as I was you. Edward told me I had to cut all contact with you and return back to California with the rest of the family. I went along with it for a while but I missed you again and Emmett said he'd love to see you. We came here and went out one night dancing. Emmett saw you and was very upset when you ignored him and ran away. Emmett misses you too Bella. Our coming here caused another big argument and as usual Carlisle sided with poor old Edward and told us to stay away."

I listened stunned at all she told me. Why would Carlisle side with him. Why would he try to keep Alice from me. Did even he hate me now?

"Are you listening to me Bella... I decided enough was enough and I dragged Jazz back to our little place in the mountains and waited for you to hit the trail. You disappointed me when you didn't come. So I've come to you and Edward and Carlisle can both get lost. You are my friend and I love you and if they can't deal with our friendship that's up to them."

"Oh Alice I love you too but I cannot come between you and your family. If we are able to stay in touch and see each other occasionally I will be happy. I don't want to see him Alice I can't deal with that and it sounds like he doesn't want to see me either so that's okay."

"He does want to see you Bella but he's a coward. He has taken himself off on several occasions recently and I'm convinced that he's come here to watch you like he used to."

"No I'd know if he'd been here. I'd feel his presence Alice. I know when he is around I can still feel him."

"I didn't necessarily mean here in your apartment Bella but I'm sure he's been around town and your work maybe even your classes."

I recall the growl in the car park when Tom had kissed my cheek, but no that was before Alice showed herself so unless he'd been here before she was.

"Alice did you watch me in the car park with Tom when he kissed me on the cheek?"

"Oh that was nothing Bella I was just being a little over protective of my baby sister."

I want to sigh in relief at least it wasn't him. I would be even more on guard now. If Alice thought he was watching me then he probably was but I took comfort in the fact he was too scared to approach me. That thought made it okay. I knew he wouldn't approach me until I gave him a sign it was okay to do so and it would be a cold day in hell before that happened.

Alice and I talked and laughed any unease I had previously disappeared. She went through my wardrobe tutting and laughing at the clothes hidden there. A huge bag was filled with things she deemed not at all suitable and labelled up for the local woman's refuge.

"Bella would you have any objection to me bringing Emmett and Jazz along with me next time? They are both dying to see you. It would make my brother and husband very happy. Jazz wants to apologise to you about your Birthday. He still feels like it was all his fault."

"I'd love to see them both Alice. On the condition you tell Jasper that he has nothing to apologise for. What he did was nothing. It was Edward's reaction that caused all this and nothing more. I don't blame Jasper I blame Edward and no one else."

She didn't say anything else to me just pulled me into a almost too hard hug. Tears came freely now. The floodgates opened and I sobbed and sobbed ruining her perfect clothes. She laughed at me when I tried to apologise covered in snot.

"Bella Bella Bella, you don't have pretend with me you know. I can see how you really feel. Oh I know your hurt and still mad at him but it hasn't stopped you loving him, it hasn't stopped you pining for him every minute of every day. Its written all over your face Bella you are still and probably always will be deeply in love with my idiotic brother who feels exactly the same way about you."

When she leaves I feel bereft but I have the visit of Emmett and Jasper to look forward to. We'd decided Thursday would be a better day to visit. It would give them more time to hunt in preparation of spending time with a human and gave me the whole day to visit with them. I couldn't wait.

I clock watched my way through to Thursday and when I woke up at seven that morning I literally bounced out of bed and took that quickest shower ever. I sat waiting for them to arrive. I felt sick with nerves and because I was so excited. I hoped they felt the same way.

When the knock finally came on the door I froze. My hands were shaking I was pathetic. When I opened the door I was lifted off my feet and pulled in the safe strong arms of my pseudo big brother. He spun me round and round before my begging and Jasper arms relieved me of him.

"Bella I missed you baby girl. Did you miss me?"

"Em of course I missed you. Its so good to see you. I can hardly believe it." I say hugging him once again.

"Bella its good to see you." Jasper said in his own reserved way.

"You too Jasper can I have a hug?"

He walked slowly towards me and gently pulled me into his arms.

"I'm so sorry Bella I know you don't blame me but you've been so sad and so has Edward."

"Sshh now I don't want to hear another word. This is a happy time. I'm so glad you're all here today. Thank you for coming to see me. Thank you."

"Bella there is something you should know." Alice said quietly from by the door.

Noooo he couldn't be...I really didn't want to see him. I'd die, surely he would not just turn up with them knowing how I felt. No he can't be here...

"Relax Bella he's not here. I just wanted you to know he's spitting feathers right now. He very nearly brought the roof in with his carrying on at us. He's jealous because we get to see you and he doesn't." Em stated loudly laughing at his brother's obvious disapproval.

"Why would he be jealous guys I mean it was him that left me remember. It was him who didn't love me anymore not the other way around."

Even saying those words out loud made me feel strange, a small shiver ran through my whole body as I considered that he may still care about me and maybe he was jealous because his brothers and sister got to spend time with me and he didn't. Was the shiver disgust or excitement I did not want to think it.

I was berated when the boys found out I had no Playstation or Xbox to play on. My protestations were ignored when Emmett said he'd get me one for the next time. It gave me a lot of comfort that they were still like whirlwinds. Everything done at a hundred miles per hour. When I raised the subject of Rosalie, Emmett went quiet.

"How's Rose Emmett? She looked great when I saw her at the bar. I hope she is not too upset by your visit today."

"Bella I think this is the first time Edward and Rosalie have ever agreed on anything. You should see them nodding and taking each others side. Makes me sick." he said

"I am so sorry I hope she does not blame you Em. Please tell her I apologise."

"You have nothing to be sorry for Bella, it was our decision to make contact with you not the other way around. No one is asking her to be your best friend she just needs to respect Emmett's choice to see you." Alice said carrying an armful of designer carrier bags through my door.

"What are those Alice and where are you taking them?"

I think I already knew the answer. She had bought me clothes a lot of clothes by the look of her tiny arms. She dragged me into the bedroom and insisted I put on a fashion show for the boys. My face was beetroot all the time. Some of the clothes were so skimpy I blushed even more than I ever thought possible. Bag after bag of dresses, skirts, tops, jeans and underwear. I hoped she realised I would never actually dare wear most of that lingerie. Tiny bits of lace held together by bits of cotton. Matching sets of bra and boy pants in all colours all made me blush once more. Emmett and Jasper wolf whistled and made the usual comments as I was displayed in front of them over and over in each different outfit.

There was no point in arguing she wouldn't listen and I didn't have to wear the clothes so I smiled graciously and let her get on with making me Bella Barbie for the day. The hours rolled by and I loved every minute. I never wanted them to leave but they had to. Emmett was returning home to California later that night and needed to pick his stuff up and Alice and Jasper's house in the mountains.

We promised to stay in touch and Emmett even added his mobile number to my phone stating.

"If you ever need me baby girl just call."

Tears were threatening at his words. I loved this huge hulk of a man who could crush me with one hug. He was always so gentle with me. Yes it looked like he played rough but he didn't he always made sure I was cocooned in the safety of his arms. I knew he loved me too. He always had and today I realised I was not the only one hurt when they left. It was clear that Emmett and Alice were too. Alice had told me Esme missed me too. Maybe next time we visited Esme could come too. I would love that.

"Why don't you come to our place on Sunday Bella. I could make you lunch and we could walk in the mountains and you could take pictures. The weather is going to be warm and dry but overcast so it will be perfect. I'll ask Esme to join us she'll love that. Please say you'll come. Jazz can come and pick you up at say ten. Please Bella for me please."

How could I refuse her?

**Let me have your comments... keep them clean please girls... **


	3. Chapter 3

**I've Moved On Or Have I?**

**How lucky are you lot 2 updates in one day. **

**I had some chapters of this story ready so they will update pretty quickly until we are caught up. Any delays will solely be down to me being at work and not been able to write. Looking at a minimum of weekly updated possibly more frequent if time allows.  
**

Chapter 3

As usual my grateful thanks to SM who owns all that is Twilight.

**BPOV**

Did I agree to spending my Sunday with Alice and Jasper too quickly and did I do it for the right reasons? I am all too aware how much grief them spending time with me is causing. I'd spoken to Emmett just last night who told me Edward had chucked a 'hissy fit' in Emmett's words when he'd read in Emmett's mind about my modelling display and the resulting wolf whistles and cat calls.

So he was still acting like a jealous ex boyfriend was he. Good I hoped he'd suffer well and good. Why should he get off scot free when everyone else seemed to have suffered because of his actions. I soon changed the subject away from him and back to telling Emmett how much I was looking forward to the next day. He wouldn't be there, he'd promised Rose he'd take her hunting somewhere special. She chose the day knowing full well of Alice's lunch invitation to me.

After Emmett's call I rang my Dad. He seemed a little surprised by my calling him. He always called me at the same time every Sunday however, today I would not be free to talk to him. He actually said I sounded upbeat and I knew it was his way of asking if I'd met someone.

"I've made lots of new friends in my new job Dad and you'd be proud of me I've been out to a pub three times recently."

He seemed a little stunned. He didn't ask for names and I didn't enlighten him further. He sounded genuinely pleased that I was making new friends and also the effort to get out and mix with people. When I told him I was going to a friends for the day tomorrow I could hear the cogs in his head turning. He was dying to ask who it was. Of course even if he'd asked I couldn't tell him. He's have driven straight here and dragged me back to Forks and locked me up forever. No my renewed friendship with some of the Cullens had to remain a secret.

I promised to send him any new pictures I'd managed to catch knowing that today I would have a whole batch of new ones to send to him. I'd have to make sure Alice did not turn up in any. That might give me away.

Jasper arrived bang on ten. Typical vampire punctual as ever. Like Edward used to, he made driving look easy. We were soon heading out into the rural Portland I did not know very well. The Cascades ran all the way from Canada to Northern California. Alice and Jasper's place was about three hours from Portland in real terms in vampire terms about less than half that. It was no wonder Alice had run across me when out hunting one day.

As I had always expected Alice's little place was a bit more like a mansion. Nothing around for miles but mountain views and pine forest. It was absolutely stunning and I couldn't help catching my breath as I stared on our approach. Alice was waiting as we pulled up. She lifted me out of the car and into her arms swinging me around like a rag doll.

"Bella its so good to see you again. Come on inside I have a surprise or you. Ooh I can't wait to see your reaction. You are going to love it."

By this reaction I can safely assume it is not him. I hope its Esme I would love to see her again.

Bundled inside the sprawling chalet style house I take a moment to consider the house itself. Made of stone and mahogany it looks rustic whilst retaining a charm not often found in houses of its type. Inside the ceilings are galleried and there is a lot a natural wood. The tasteful colours of the decor compliment the overall feel. The furniture is minimilistic and looks great. Typical Alice.

Something smelled wonderful now I knew Esme was nearby she always had a thing about the food network and feeding me up. When she appeared from no where I automatcially ran into her open arms.

"Oh child it is so good to see you again. I have missed you so very much." she said holding me tight but not too tight.

"Esme I've missed you too. I can't believe you are really here. I'm not usually so lucky, as I'm sure you know my luck is usually all bad."

Laughing we all crashed onto the huge corner sofa. Jasper disappeared quietly content to leave his wife with her best friend and Mother. He knew she was happy today anyone could see that just looking at the huge grin on her face. I too must look like that, a big silly grin and lots of girly giggling. Even Esme joined in with us.

The day was about as perfect any day in my life could be. Only turning the clock back four years and including Edward would have made it more special. Em rang hating to miss out on the fun and frolics. We could all hear Rose in the background complaining about the lack of attention from her husband.

Alice and I as promised wandered aimlessly around the nearby mountains. I snapped pictures as we walked and talked.

Stifling a yawn I made a move to return to my home. I think I actually fell asleep in Esme's arms on the way home. They had all come with me. Esme wanted to see where I lived and Alice wanted to spend more time with me. Esme had not mentioned him to me once. Maybe Alice had told her how I felt about him and the whole leaving situation. I wondered if I should say something and get rid of the whole elephant in the room.

As we wondered around my little apartment I could see Esme's designer mind working overtime. She could probably make it much more attractive but it was only rented and I didn't want them spending money on it for me. Realistically I may only be here for another few months. Even if I stay in Portland after I finish my masters I don't know I'll be successful in getting a job and be able to afford the apartment long term. Nine hundred and fifty dollars a month in rent. Plus five hundred bond up front. Don't get me wrong Woodlake is perfect for me, not too busy a lovely location near the lake with beautiful mountain views. I had always felt safe here. I need to drop her a hint.

"I know its nothing special but its only rented and I've always felt at home here. I'll have to consider moving at the end of my studies the rents a little steep for me without a scholarship grant."

"Bella you know we would fund it for you don't you or even buy you a place anywhere you decide. You only have to say the word and I'll give you a cheque. Tell me how much you need and it's yours Bella." Esme said holding my hand.

"Esme, you cannot make up for what he did by buying me a house. I wouldn't let you anyway. I don't want you all in my life for what you can buy me I want you all around because you are like family to me and I love you all very much. Please promise me you won't do something like this. I promise if after my studies are finished I need help I'll talk to you."

I grab hold of her hand begging her almost to believe me. When she sighs I know she has heard what I'm really saying.

"Bella about Edward."

"Esme, please I can't and don't want to deal with anything to do with him right now, maybe in time but not right now. I love you all dearly but I don't want him included in this I gesture between all four of us. She nods her understanding but says quietly.

"He's a mess Bella, he made a horrible mistake and he's spent the last four years paying for it. It's hurting him now us spending time with you and him not being able to. I know Emmett and Alice probably told you about his temper tantrums and hissy fits. Well just to let you know I've heard him screaming and sobbing in pain over you. He refused all comfort I offered, only your arms can make him whole again Bella but knowing how you feel and he does he's heard every word you've said to me, Alice or Emmett and even Jasper he won't ask for your forgiveness. He's too proud and too stubborn but I swear every time you've said you blame him and don't want him near you it rips his heart open a little bit more and I lose another small part of my son."

Her words bring me to my knees.

"Bella I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you by telling you this. I thought you said you didn't care about him?"

"I told you Esme that she was still head over heels for him, I'm surprised you didn't believe me. I'm not usually wrong am I?" Alice added

After much hugging and the promise to stay in touch they left. Wow what a day I am both physically and mentally exhausted. The photo's I'd taken when out with Alice would have to wait to be down loaded. I'd do it after work tomorrow or on Tuesday when I'm free. Sleep over takes me in seconds.

The week flies by I have no time to download the snaps I'd taken and its only when I'm arguing with Emmett on the following Sunday after he'd had an Xbox and a PS3 delivered to my door that I realise I still had to do it. He'd asked me what I thought of the scenery around Alice's place but it was said with a snigger which usually meant he was hinting at something. A voice I instantly recognise calls to him from nearby. _**'Em we're waiting **_**_for you to get off that damn phone_'.** I struggle to get my final few words to him out. Even though he was not addressing me personally just hearing his angelic voice had me a dithering wreck. I knew also that he knew who Emmett was talking to, my big brother had flatly refused to pussy foot around him and Rose. They either dealt with it or it was tough. Bless him. He really did love me like a baby sister.

With a few free hours I decide now is the time I'll download the photo's. My memory card must be under pressure nowadays I must have taken a couple of hundred more pictures when I was with Alice last Sunday. The ones of the house are great Dad will be so jealous. Walking away from the property I'd looked back and snapped a few random shots showing the property and its surroundings simply stunning. Then I saw him...

Leant against the side of the house hoping not to be noticed. I'd inadvertently snapped him watching me when I turned around unexpectedly to get my shots. He took my breath away. Don't get me wrong he's not in full view but its clearly him. The sex hair sort of gives him away. My heart swells with love and my girly bits tingle when I look at him. Had I really let my memories of him fade so much that seeing him here simply stunned me. He was so beautiful, no man had a right to be so attractive. I ached to run my fingers through his hair once again and take in his delectable scent.

How many pictures was he on? Did he follow Alice and I on our walk? Some two hours later I have found only one more of him. Again near Alice's house this time partially hidden in the trees. How had I not seen him when I was the one pointing the damn camera. In the second picture I can see his face more clearly. His eyes look black and there are deep purple circles around them both. He needs to hunt.

A mobile phone message brought me back to reality.

**I didn't know he was going to come with Esme Bella I promise. He said he'd stay out of the way. I'm sorry if you seeing him has upset you. Please believe me.**

Poor Alice she must have seen that when I downloaded the snaps I'd see him. I hope my prompt response reassures her.

**No harm done Alice stop worrying. He did keep out of the way. I only noticed him when I was downloading the pics onto my laptop. Better not include those in the ones I send to Charlie eh? Lol. still looks hot though if not a little hungry.**

Had I done the right thing telling Alice her brother my ex boyfriend still looked hot? It was actually meant as a joke ye know to lighten any guilt she may still feel over him being there. Time would tell I suppose if she starts match making and Edward turns up at places I am. God I hope not. A glimpse in a picture is one thing but to see him face to face having to interact with him. No way, I'd keel right over probably split my head open causing more blood to flow and more trouble for the delectable vampire.

I emailed Charlie a dozen or so of the pictures adding comments about the house and the scenery. I purposely referred to the house as belonging to a close friend and her husband hopefully Charlie would think it was someone older as the property must be worth quite a bit.

My phone ringing a bit later surprised me it was after nine and I was usually heading for bed at this time. Me being a party animal and all.

"So do you really think he's still hot Bella?" Emmett's dulcet tones asked.

"How the hell did you know about that Em?" I asked laughing.

"Alice forwarded me the text silly, do you want me to show it to him Bella? He got all hot and bothered last week seeing you so close. Was in a right old state when they got home after your visit. Now I know you saw he's hungry Bella and I agree he don't hunt like he should anymore but his eyes that day held a different sort of hunger if you know what I mean nudge nudge wink wink."

"What do you mean Em by he doesn't hunt like he should. Tell me what that even means please."

"Well Bella if you insist although he will try to kill me for telling you this but when we left he went out on his own. We didn't hear from him in over a year. An acquaintance came across him somewhere up north and let us know he wasn't doing good. Carlisle, Jazz and I went to bring him home. Not good Bella he had not hunted for months his gift had deserted him and he was on the verge of death by starvation. Carlisle force fed him every two hours for the first few weeks, he wasn't coherent but it was clear he wanted to die. Anyway to cut a long story short he now agrees to do the very minimum he needs to so that Carlisle will leave him alone. He hunts on average once every six weeks. He should go at least once a fortnight and more when around humans. Does that answer your question?"

It's a good job I was already sat down because I am sure I would have fallen. Why would he do that to himself?

"Bella you still there baby girl so do you want me to tell him you still think he's hot?"

"Get lost Emmett." and I hung up when I heard him laugh loudly in my ear.

Now I was worried why on earth would he do that. He's been a vampire for nearly a hundred years why would he react like this now. Was he really hurting like I was and if he was why the hell did he leave me. Were we both suffering needlessly had we both suffered when we hadn't needed to. I suppose without talking to him I wouldn't really know the answers to these questions.

I couldn't though it was too soon. His family had only been back in my life for a short while and I was still coming to terms with being around them again without him. The emotions involved in dealing with Edward are still too raw too fresh for me to handle. I knew even just thinking about meeting or speaking to him would send me into a flat spin so the very idea of talking to him either over the phone or face to book brought me out in a cold sweat and not in a good way. No I needed time to get my head around this. Maybe talking through a third party. Not Emmett or Alice. Jasper maybe he'd be neutral and tell the truth. It was something I'd consider if I felt it was right. I still wasn't convinced that he wanted to see me again.

I continued to work and grew to love the shop and the friends that I had made. True to his word Tom joined us on many staff nights out but never over stepped the mark. He acted like the other guys at work like a friend. Sometimes I would catch him looking at me. It made me embarrassed and once when he asked me how I was doing I almost felt sorry for him. Most of my days off now consisted of one Cullen or another. Tom even asked me about the brute of a man he'd seen leaving my apartment. He seemed to believe me when I told him quite truthfully that it was my adopted brother Emmett.

I took some time off work this week. Finals were almost upon us and I needed to ensure my dissertation was up to my exacting standard. I'd put off a visit from Esme for no other reason than studying. She sounded broken when I politely declined but perked up when I told her my reasons. I'd not left the apartment for a good three days, I was getting cabin fever. I needed to get out even if only for a few hours.

Vista Ridge here I come, I was in desperate need of my peaceful place and some wild flowers. Having already eaten I loaded my backpack today with only water and my camera. The hike up was calming and just what I needed hardly a soul about just how I liked it. When I reached the Ridge I immediately felt a sense of peace like everything would okay now. It was hard to understand how a place could have that effect on you. I didn't care about the how's or why's. it just felt good.

Sitting at the top of the Ridge looking down upon the forest I smile remembering this is where Alice had spied on me from. Bringing my camera up and initiating the zoom lense she is no where to be seen today. My mobile phone going off with a text message makes me jump a little in the peace and quiet. My heart flutters a little when I see who it is from.

**Can we talk?...Please**

The bloody cheek of him I respond straight away probably without thinking.

**I've got nothing to say to you.**

I hold my breath waiting for his response. I don't have to wait too long.

**Okay but I have plenty I need to say to you perhaps you could just hear me out?**

I can't have him close to me and I wonder if he realises I'm not at home.

**Can I join you Bella can I come and sit by you?**

No no no no no, he was nearby he had to be. This was too much for me to even contemplate.

**No... stay where you are. you text I'll read. No promises of a civil response.**

**Thank you for giving me the opportunity. Where to begin. I was a fool Bella a stupid blind idiot who did not stop to imagine what his actions would do not only to himself but the girl he loves and to his family.** **I have regretted those actions since the day I left you and if I could turn back time I'd do it in a flash. I know that nothing I do or say will ever make up for what I have done but I need you to know I am truly sorry Bella. I thought stupidly that I was doing the right thing.**

How am I supposed to respond, a movement at the edge of the forest below reveals him to me. He makes himself comfortable sitting with his back against a tree. He is looking straight at me. I can feel the flush rise up from my toes. My heart aches to be in his arms and my girly bits are betraying every fibre of my being right now by tingly and throbbing with want and need. What the hell they knew about want and need I don't know. Dating Edward Cullen had been like a drought in an already arid dessert. He gave nothing , nada. He left me sexually frustrated every day. Not in the sense that he was no good, god how the hell would I know if he was any good. I was frustrated because I wanted him so badly and he was not giving it up. He made me feel like some sort of sexual deviant out to steal his virtue. I should have been so lucky. No Edward Cullen was the master of self control. Me I was Bella Swan 17 year old sex pest who regularly preyed on her unsuspecting boyfriend hatching up ways to try and get him to have sex with her. Now I was 22 year old Bella Swan still a virgin who ached to have sex with her ex boyfriend just to relieve the sexual frustration she had felt for the last five years in total. Humph.

Hadn't Esme told me he was too stubborn to apologise. I wondered what brought on the change of heart.

**What does it all matter Edward. So what you are sorry yippee dooo. What do you want a medal?**

Once again my text finger worked and sent the message before I'd thought it through properly. Damn would I ever learn to think first...

**I understand why you won't forgive me and I suppose it is only what I expected. Your words to Alice and Esme were rather harsh though. You did care about me deeply once Bella I know that and to not want to include me as a friend now I find rather hurtful. I get it now that Alice was wrong when she said you still cared that you still wanted to be with me that you still... loved me.**

Of all the cheek, his messages were getting more and more on my nerves. If he carried on like this I wouldn't even be having a text conversation with him anymore.

**Trying to make me feel guilty Edward Cullen is doing you no favours at all. YOU were the one that left, YOU were the one that said YOU didn't want me anymore. YOU Edward not me YOU.** **I loved you with everything that I was. Totally and completely YOU were it for me. You devastated me beyond repair. **

**No not beyond repair Bella I've seen you with your new friends you do great. You laugh and joke you are doing well much better than me. Tom is it, he seems to care for you a great deal. He seems like an alright kind of guy. **

**You patronizing piece of shit how dare you lecture me on me.** **How dare you assume I am doing okay just because I go out and live a little. Yes I am not longer a hermit, but I don't have relationships with men other than Charlie, Emmett, Jasper and now Tom. One is my Dad two I class as brothers and one is nothing more than a friend. Why in the hell am I qualifying myself you? Tell you what Edward. Nice to catch up now go get on with the next hundred years of eternity.**

I am so mad I turn my phone off and shove it in my backpack I know he has seen me do it. As I turn to walk away I hear him shout.

"Bella please don't go not like this. I'm sorry truly I am. Please Bella if I ever meant anything at all to you. I know I have no right but I cannot help acting like a jealous boyfriend."

I can see his shoulders slump from here. I can't take any more today. May be another day we can talk this way again. Knowing he will hear me quite clearly I say

"Enough for today Edward. I think we have both pushed ourselves enough for one day. May another time we can try again but I can't promise. You know damn well how much you meant to me back then. Please don't use that one on me again because it won't work."

I walk at pace down the trail tears running down my face. Why did I have to still love him so much. Did he not realise all he had to do was tell me he still loved me and tell me he wanted me back and I'd be in his arms like a shot. I had to try and keep that snippet of information to myself. If Alice or Emmett found out they would be pushing us together at every opportunity and we both needed time. If it was every going to be made right it needed to happen once all the hurt was out of the way and we had forgiven each other. Only Edward and I could sort this mess out.

Back at home Alice was sat nervously waiting for me. I had gotten her a key cut so she wouldn't break in and the neighbours didn't ring the police on her. It cartainly came in useful.

"Bella are you okay. He rang me and said you might need me. What did he do to you? Look at your face."

I fell into her arms and cried myself to sleep. I slept in her arms for over two hours. When I woke up it was dark outside and I was hungry. Pulling myself up I could tell she wanted to know what had gotten me into that state.

"Alice nothing happened. We talked by text nothing else. He sat at the edge of the forest where I first saw you again and we had a pretty open text conversation. He said some stuff and I said some stuff back. It was all pretty raw for both of us I think. We've agreed to give it some time and maybe try again by text that is. On my way back down home I realised a few things that kinda threw me a curved ball and I got upset. Hey throw me out, what oh no you can't its my place."

"Bella I hate to see you that way. He was just as bad when he called me. His voice was full of tears that's why he asked me to come to you Bella he knew you'd be suffering like he was. The sooner you two kiss and make up the better it will be for all of us. I swear you are both so stubborn."

"Alice please I'm begging now please let us figure this out in our own time together. If it works out you'll know as soon as we do if it doesn't I hope it won't affect our friendship. Please Alice, Edward and I need time to work this out."

"Okay okay and I'll keep Emmett in check too but you have to let him in Bella, you're the only person he wants to get close to and you're the only person he'll let in Bella. It's the same for both of you."

When I turn in that night I'm just about to switch off the light when my phone buzzes. Its him...

**Hi I hope it was okay sending Alice. I thought you might need her. Emmett told me something funny earlier. I think he wanted to cheer me up. He said you still think I'm hot... It couldn't possibly be true could it Bella?**

**Sleep well, I miss you. I love you. X**

The tears started to fall down my cheeks again. How did I respond to a message like that. He'd said everything I wanted to hear. Dare I reply in the same manner. I pondered for well over an hour before sending my reply.

**Alice helped thanks. I hoped Emmett helped you too. I miss you too but I'm sure you already knew that and I love you more than I could ever say in words or by text. Go hunt Edward, you need to eat. XX**

Surprisingly I slept really well and woke up refreshed and raring to go. When I walked into the lounge from my bedroom I was hit by the scent of fresh orange blossoms and freesias. My lounge was covered with my favourite flowers. I wasn't even going to ask how the hell he got in.

**So girls is it building nicely? Isn't Edward a sweetie**. **Let me know. **

**Wondering how I am going to last until Nov for BD to be released. I must say Edward could take me to Isle Esme and give me bruises anytime. Oh Yes please...**


	4. Chapter 4

**I've Moved On Or Have I?**

**Chapter 4**

So I laughed my self silly last night when Zac Efron won best actor under 25 at PCA. Yeah right**...**

As usual grateful thanks to SM for letting me borrow her characters from time to time.

**BPOV**

Sitting at the table eating my breakfast I stared at the room full of flowers. He obviously liked the fact that I told him I missed him and loved him. How should I respond I wonder.

I decide purely to thank him and keep it light. I don't want him thinking just because I love him all is forgotten it's not and it may never be.

**Edward Cullen I am not even going to ask how you got into my apartment. The flowers are lovely. Thank you. It still doesn't change anything.**

After I'd pressed the send button I immediately regretted it. It was a little cold and I didn't want to make him think he stood no chance. God I could go round and round worrying about conversations being misinterpreted. It was too late now.

I was just on my way out of the door to the Library when the familiar sound of my message tone hit the air. Eagerly pulling the phone out of my bag I saw the message was from Edward.

**I know they weren't meant to. I guess I just got a little carried away when you said you love me still. I refuse 100% to divulge the source of my entry/exit but you already know I am quite resourceful. I hope you have a good day. Text me if you want to talk. **

Why was he able to make me feel like everything is okay. Without actually saying it he was letting me know the flowers were not a bribe, he knew that I knew Alice had probably lent him her key or come with him. His last sentence let me know he wasn't pushing it. He really was a perfect gent.

My study at the Library was a waste of time. All I could think about is Edward, Edward and more Edward. That I loved him I have no doubts. Do I think we can work together again right now. No I'm unsure if my feelings are frozen from four years ago. I need now I have admitted I love him to experience new things before I decide if he or us is what I want.

Back at home I continue to think how I can go about deciding if Edward is still the one. I have nothing and no one to compare him to. May be that's the problem. After much soul searching I think I just might have come up with a solution. He's not going to like it but tough. I need to date other men, I need to go out with friends and have a good time. Now my mind was more open I could see if anyone comes even close to comparing with Edward. I set myself a three month time line. Now all I have to do is tell him and the others.

First I consider contacting Tom to go out on a date but no, that ship has sailed had I wanted to take our friendship further I would have found a way. No my new plan is to go out with my new friends and see what happens. I will arrange with Kayla and Julia to go out with them after work on a Friday. Hopefully I'll be able to find a date for Saturday nights. Maybe Shirley would come with us. The more the merrier.

A quick text to both girls get the desired response. With that sorted I text Alice and ask her to bring Emmett, Esme and Jasper to my apartment later. I would text my decision to Edward. I laugh a little as I can imagine his reaction. Is it too cruel to text this sort of thing. The only problem I have is that this is the only form of communication I've got with Edward. I couldn't handle a spoken conversation yet. May be he could hear what I had to say by conference call at least then I would not have to speak directly to him. Hmm I'll consider asking Alice about that.

My shift was over all too soon I was delighted that Shirley had agreed to attend our girly nights out but she couldn't do this Friday. Next week was a done deal. Now to face the wrath of my adopted family. When I got home they were already there. Alice's face told me she wasn't pleased.

"Hi everyone thanks for coming. As you probably already know Edward and I have had several sort of conversations. We have been open with each other and now hopefully we can move forward from here. Emmett would you mind ringing Edward and keeping him on speaker, he needs to hear this too."

Taking a deep breath I wait until I hear his beautiful voice. Emmett has explained I need to tell the all something.

"Well now things are more settled and I have been able to admit my feelings for Edward again I need to move forward. I think I can only do this by seeing if these feelings are still real. I'm worried they are frozen from four years ago and I don't want to make any more mistakes. I need to explore life properly now that I am more open minded."

"What does that Bella?" Esme asks quietly.

"I've decided to give myself a period of three months where I am going to go out every weekend with my friends and hopefully the odd date will be in there."

A collective gasp and then a growl so loud he might as well have been stood next to me.

"No Bella you can't do this. Its not fair you've just found each other again." Emmett said sounding really quite upset.

"Emmett, Edward, please I need to do this. For four years my mind has been closed to anyone and everything. Having you lot back in my life has opened my mind to things again I never thought possible. I love you Edward but I need to make sure these feelings are real and current and not from back then. I owe it myself and you to make sure I do it all properly. I don't know what is going to happen but I need to experience life again before I commit to anything with you again. Please understand."

Alice stays when the others leave, Emmett has left his phone Edward is still on the other end he wants to talk properly if he's going to agree to my what he called 'absurd' idea.

"Bella love, I understand you are cautious and I'm not expecting you to jump right back in where we were but please reconsider. I'll do anything. I can't stand back and watch you fall in love with someone else Bella I won't do it."

The sadness in his voice almost breaks my resolve.

"Edward, I need to do this I need to spend time living a little. I need my last four years now. I have no real intention of falling for anyone but I want to experience other people if I'm asked out. Loving one person is hard enough believe me."

" Okay I'll agree if I can impose certain conditions." he said

What the hell where did he get off hijacking my idea. Would I be able to agree to his conditions? Would they even be reasonable?

"Tell me what you have in mind Edward and I'll listen."

"Well on some occasion's Alice can go out with you and drive you home safely. Whenever she can't make it one of us will always pick you up and bring you home safely. Even after a date you will agree to meeting one of us at a designated spot and you will be taken home. Emmett may decide to join you some weekends and when he does you will introduce him as your adopted brother. How does that sound Bella?"

Just to wind him up a bit more I cannot resist adding

"What happens if I want to bring the date home for sex Edward?"

Alice's sniggering distracted me a little so I turned to stick my tongue out at her.

Suddenly he was in front of me. Where he came from I don't know but he was hovering almost over my small frame. I was in shock one because he was obviously mad at my comment and two I had not seen him so close for over four years. My eyes opened really wide as I took him all in. I wasn't scared of him. Yes he was a bit intimidating but only to those who did not know him as a person. He was trying to intimidate me right now.

"Sex Bella you want to bring boys back here for sex?"

Every word he spat back at me but I could see the hurt in his eyes.

"I was only asking Edward you don't need to over react."

"No one comes back here for sex Bella do I make myself clear. I can be even more persuasive if you'd like me to Bella."

With that he gently stroked my cheek and blew his scent into my nostrils. Just as I was about to swoon he was gone. Alice was still there laughing quietly to herself.

"Bella you really do have a death wish don't you? Talk about knowing how to push that particular vampires buttons you certainly do. I thought he was going to blow a gasket. So sister where are we going this Friday?"

We decided to meet at nine thirty in the pub next door to the café. The extra half hour would give me time to get changed and ready. Kayla and Julia would meet us there. Alice came to the café late on and I was able to sneak out the back a bit early so she could do her Bella Barbie thing on me. I was satisfied I looked okay. Black leggings with high strappy shoes and a figure hugging min dress come top over. It was just right for a night out.

We danced we laughed we drank. Alice was designated driver so no one paid too much attention to the fact she did not drink. I had a ball. I danced with several cute guys during the course of the evening but found myself comparing them all unfavourably to Edward. None of them asked me out anyway so it didn't matter.

Pleasantly drunk the evening came to end all too soon. Tomorrow I was going out with Julia on our own. We were going to see a movie then catching a bite to eat. Alice dropped the girls off before driving me home. My phone buzzed as I let myself. It was my favourite vampire.

**Glad you are home safely. Did you enjoy yourself?**

**Sorry none of those guys asked you out. No I'm not sorry I'm glad but they want their heads read. Go to bed you're drunk. I love you. X**

I was very nearly too drunk to reply but I did.

**Had a ball. They were nothing compared to you. I'm going to bed right now bossy boots. I miss you, I miss your arms and your lips and your...**

**I know Bella believe me I know. Good night. X**

My phone was still in my hand the next morning when I woke up. I had the mother of all hang overs. It felt great. I was a light weight compared to Julia and Kayla when it came to drinking and when they danced it was so erotic they should have been arrested. I had taken to keeping all Edward's messages. It made me feel closer to him. I'd been asleep before his final message came last night. It made me smile when I read it.

Cleaning, washing and hoovering with a banging head was no fun. Once I was satisfied the apartment looked okay I ran a bath and lit some candles and went for a long hot soak. I decided it would be nice to chat with Edward whilst I was relaxing.

**You busy or want to text talk?**

His reply was almost instant.

**How's the hangover? Doing it all again tonight aren't we?**

**Not quite Edward even I'm not up to two nights in a row, not for drinking anyway. Cinema and a bite to eat only.**

**Are you suggesting you might want to do something else two nights on the trot Bella? How's the studying for your finals going? Need any help?**

**Crap. Can't concentrate. Too many distractions. Hmm the water is lovely.**

**Water? What on earth are you doing?**

**I'm in a hot bubble bath** **surrounded by candles. What else did you think I'd be doing.**

His reply does not come straight away, I wonder why when it arrives.

**I have to go Bella speak soon. Love you x**

That was a bit odd. One minute we were chatting the next he had to go. Strange very strange but they were, the whole family. A shout from the lounge startled me 'hey I heard that Swan'. Alice had decided to pay me a visit.

Reluctantly I pulled myself out of the bath and got dried and slipped on a lounge suit Alice's choice shocking pink velour. Lovely, Not.

"Hey Alice to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"What did you do to my brother today Isabella Swan? He took off like he'd got buck shot up his arse. One minute I saw you 'talking' then he was gone. He looked flustered Bella what on earth were you talking about?"

"Nothing really really I just told him I was relaxing in a hot bubble bath, then like you saw he said he had to go."

Giggling now Alice said

"Now I see exactly what was the matter with him."

"Care to share Alice coz I don't have a clue."

"Bella he must have been picturing you naked in the bath. Poor Edward he won't have known where to put himself."

The idea he would be embarrassed by text was even stranger than I imagined. Why would he do that I mean he'd seen so much more over the years.

"Yes he has Bella but not you naked. He may have imagined it many times in the past but when you told him well you can imagine."

However long I live I will never understand the mind of that vampire. Alice helps me get ready for my next night out. Tonight I'm driving and I won't be home late.

The film was terrible we had a good laugh about it. Our meal was a pizza hut plain and simple. I don't think my stomach could handle anything more today. We talked and talked I found out all sorts Kayla was dating a lecturer from Uni. He wasn't her teacher so it was deemed okay. Julia had broken up with her ex Steve some four months earlier. We planned next Friday, Alice couldn't come but Shirley was. We were going to try a nightclub called "The Hour Glass" rumour had it as select played good music and was not too expensive. Sounded like just what I needed.

Work and study were my only life during the week. My nightly text with Edward made my heart swell. He'd apologised for rushing off on Sunday and he'd actually admitted he panicked at the thought of me naked in the bath. When I laughed he seemed to relax a little.

Emmett was going to be babysitting me this weekend. He was itching to join us girls and use his wiley charms on us. I could picture it now. Edward and I talked about how Rose was handling him going out with me.

**She's dealing with it Bella don't worry. He does really quite well when it comes to you Bella he won't take her nonsense**. **I don't want to upset you but I've been meaning to ask if I can ring you to talk instead of texting sometimes?**

Could I really handle speaking to him. Texting was like having a conversation really. May be we could start with a short call and see how it goes.

**We could try a short call for now and see how it goes if you really want to.**

Seconds later my phone rang.

"I do want to try Bella**."**

He sounded so close, so wonderful. His voice perfect in every way.

"Hi Edward."

"Hello love Thursday again, where does the time go? So The Hour Glass eh? I hear they play good music. You should have a good time. Emmett will certainly make sure you do."

"Hmm I don't know how I feel about him being there. I mean he'll put off any potential suitors."

His low growl was no more than I expected. When I chuckled he too laughed a bit.

"Bella Bella Bella, Alice is right you do know how to push my buttons. Maybe I should think up a way to punish you."

"Edward if you can't handle me being in the bath then I really don't think you should be thinking up appropriate punishments for me."

"She told you about that eh?"

"Yup, I was a bit startled when you up'd and left. It made sense when she told me."

"Hmmm is this all right talking like this or is it too much?"

"Enough for today I think."

"Oh okay good bye Bella."

**Stupid vampire. I only meant the talking on the phone part. I think we did okay don't you?**

**May be. It's a start. May be if you weren't going out looking for other men every week it'd feel better**.

**Stop sulking like a jealous ex boyfriend Edward. At least we are communicating now.**

**I'm not a jealous ex I'm a jealous boyfriend in waiting. I will win you back Bella I intend to fight as hard as I need to.**

The words I read made me swallow deeply. He was certainly staking his claim. I don't respond. He wouldn't expect me to I'm sure.

At work the next day Shirley is beside herself. I think its been a while since she went out by the way she was acting. Penny let us both finish up at quarter to nine so we look our best. Tonight I'm in black trousers and a diamante gold camisole top. I'm more than pleased with how the whole looks together. Alice's hours of training as she puts it are obviously paying off.

Several cocktails later we head to the nightclub. It's dark inside and it takes my eyes time to adjust. I can see it is tasteful inside with alcoves surrounding the perimeter the dance floor is central so all tables have a good view. The bar area is separate to the side of the dance floor but once again even from the bar you could see everything. We are lucky enough to grab a table in an alcove. It means we have a base and can keep our drinks safe whilst we dance.

Shirley is whisked away by a guy about her age. We don't her see again for ages. I'm not as drunk as last week yet. The cocktails keep flowing god knows how much I've spent. Harvey Wallbangers are not cheap. At the bar I'm approached by a guy I sort of recognise. I'm not sure if its from the café or Uni. He introduces himself as Matt, we dance and chat for a while. Then my brother turns up.

He looks like John Travolta gone wrong in all white. I cannot believe Rosalie let him out looking like that. Talk about a throwback from the seventies. I cringe when he pulls me into his arms for a hug. Shirley. Julia and Kayla are all stunned their mouths wide open. I mean he might look a prat but he's still huge and drop dead gorgeous.

"Ladies say hello to my brother Emmett. Emmett this is Shirley, Kayla and Julia."

Of course he does what I would expect and kisses all their hands. They are putty in his fingers. I roll my eyes at him when he nudges me.

"Looking hot tonight Bella, Edward won't believe what he's missing."

"Whose Edward Bella?" Shirley and Kayla ask at the same time overhearing our conversation.

"A friend of Emmett's who has a bit of thing for me."

Em nearly choked even though he wasn't drinking when I said this.

"He's gonna be pissed when he hears that description Bella you wait and see."

Matt came over and asked me to dance. I think he was little intimidated by Emmett's presence but he soon relaxed when I told him he was my brother. I liked Matt he as easy to talk to and we had things in common. I readily agreed to go out with him tomorrow. I actually felt good that he'd asked me. I'd deal with the fallout later. Emmett or Alice could drop me off and pick me so I was still abiding to Edward's rules.

At the end of the night when Matt came over to agree a meeting time tomorrow Emmett growled quietly beside me. He dropped all the girls home before he went for me. He actually shouted at me. My Emmett shouted at me.

"What the hell Bella, he's gonna spit feathers over this. Are you so desperate to hurt him back you'll go out with the first guy that asks you?

"Is that what you really think Emmett that I'm doing this as pay back?"

"Well aren't you?"

"No I'm not. I have four years to make up for. If Edward and I can make it Em I need to know I'll not regret other things including men."

We don't talk again. He doesn't even goodnight. I had been in a good mood now it was spoilt. As I crawled into bed a text arrived. Should have known Emmett would snitch.

**What did you do to Emmett Bella he's blocking me and in a foul mood. I will find out so why not just tell me now.**

Better get it over with I suppose. I text back asking him to ring me.

"Bella are you alright?"

"Yes Edward I'm fine. Emmett is not happy with me tonight because I agreed to go on a date tomorrow night."

The silence was horrid. Should I say something else. No I'd better let him speak first.

" Text Alice the times Bella."

Then he hung up on me. I guess he was upset. I text him

**I'm sorry but you knew this was a possibility Edward.**

The next day I text Alice the time to pick me up 7.30. She too didn't speak to me. Great my BFF and even she's ignoring me. I tell her as I get out of the car that I'll text her when I want picking up. I'd heard nothing else from Edward. I felt horrid about that.

Matt bless him tried his best but my heart was just not in it. I missed talking to Edward. Once again he had wormed his way under my skin and I hadn't even spent any time with him. I'd only seen him close up once and he'd tried to intimidate me then too. I did try to like Matt and I did he was nice, easy going and funny but there was no spark. When he asked me out again at the end of the night I apologised and told him no.

Alice didn't talk all the way home and Edward did not text me either. I cried myself to sleep that night. Sunday dawned dull and a little cold. I really needed to get some of my dissertation done. It was really hard to concentrate. Surely Alice will have seen that I said no to another date surely she'd told him by now. God what was the point in me sticking to this three moth plan if after only two weeks I knew I only wanted him. Fuck fuck fuck.

Shirley was eager to see how my date on Saturday had gone. She herself had a Sunday date with the guy Derek she danced half the night with. I told her the truth, he was nice but my heart wasn't in it. No I would n't be seeing him again. Her date had been a big success, she was head over heels. Now I knew my decision was right because there was no way I felt like Shirley did. I drove home slowly thinking how to put it right.

I just didn't know how to put it right. All week I pondered. It was like bashing your head against a brick wall. Other than calling him I had nada nothing. When Friday came around Alice text to say she would pick me whenever I wanted her to. It was curt and made me sigh.

So there was just the three of us tonight. Shirley was out with the lovely Derek. In The Hour Glass we secured a table before going to the bar and getting two jugs one of a Margherita cocktail the other Sangria. I alternated between the two and was soon more than tipsy.

I had been more than daring in my dress tonight. It was flame red sleeveless and very tight and very very short. The plunging V neck flattered my small breasts. It fit me like a glove and I know I looked good because the guys at work at whistled when I walked through the shop on my way out. A recent spray tan still made my legs look good and not out of place under the short dress. Red high heels finished it off to perfection.

I danced with Julia and Kayla and sometimes with guys sometimes on my own. Tonight I just needed to free myself from this huge burden. When I stumbled my way back to the table Julia said.

"Bella there's this guy at the bar who has been literally undressing you with his eyes while you were dancing. Hot too."

When I turned to look where she pointed I could see no one. Must have gone home or to the little boys room. Turning back to refill my glass I saw Julia and Kayla's mouth open in shock. Oh no not Emmett please not tonight.

"Bella its him he's coming over here."

I didn't get time to turn around and look before he spoke.

"Good evening ladies." he said smoothly looking straight into my eyes.

"Will you dance with me?" he said offering his hand.

How could I refuse. The electricity that shot through me when our hands met took my breath away. He led me to the dance floor. As we approached the music changed, slowed right down. The Moody Blue's Nights in White Satin started up. Great now I had over five minutes in his arms. He carefully placed his right hand in the small of my back and held my right hand against his chest with his left hand. We were close very close as we moved to the music. I didn't speak to him god I dare not even look at him. He looked incredible and felt even better. I sneaked a couple of glances up but never got above those delectable lips. I don't know if it was the alcohol or what but I wanted to kiss him so badly. I wouldn't of course. When his hand moved up and down my back I just about came in my panties.

I felt like every pair of eyes were on us. Edward was more than striking on his own but with me dressed like this we sort of made people stand up and stare. Not a word passed between us for the whole song. As he escorted me back to the table I swear I heard a strained Bella...

When I sat down dumbstruck he said quietly

"Thank you Bella I'll be back to do that again a bit later."

"Okay." was all I could manage

"Oh my god Bella he's absolutely gorgeous. You two looked so good out there. It was the most erotic thing I've ever seen with clothes on." Kayla said laughing.

"Who'd a thought it. Quiet Bella Swan nabs the god like creature never before seen around here. Come on them spill."

"There's nothing to tell really. His name is Edward. He's...

"Wait" Kayla screams "this is Edward your brother Emmett's friend?"

I nod before continuing.

"He's my ex too. We split up over four years ago. It took me a while to get over it. We've only recently started talking again. Its complicated just now."

"God Bella he is hot hot hot and he still hasn't taken his eyes off you. Earlier when you danced with that guy in the lemon shirt I noticed then him undressing you with his eyes and it looked like he wanted to rip that guys head clean off."

I couldn't help laughing at how true her words probably were.

"Are you going to get back with him Bella?"

"Who knows Julia, as I said things are complicated right now. We were making progress until I went out with Matt last week. We haven't spoken since then."

I didn't add that I hadn't even seen him properly for four years.

"I think he's forgiven you Bella here he comes again." Julia said with a hint of envy in her voice.

"Bella shall we?" he again offers his hand.

The music this time is proper smooching music this time he pulls me even closer and places my arms around his neck. Even in five inch heels it's a stretch.

"Are you going to talk to me this time Bella?"

"No"

"Really"

"No"

"You just did."

"Shut up Edward, you have an audience."

"I've missed you terribly, I'm sorry that I reacted so badly. This is me fighting for you. I hope you agree it's a better way of winning you back."

I rest my head just below his shoulder and I stiffen when I feel him drop a kiss on the top of my head.

"I love you Bella. You look incredible in that dress if not a little too indecent. I had to stop myself from going on the rampage when you walked in and all the guys saw you. I have never felt as much lust in my whole vampire life. It was not good Bella for me to hear other men lust after you. I didn't like it. It makes Emmett proud to be with Rose when that happens me I couldn't stand it. It would kill me others thinking of my mate like that."

"Edward, take me home please."

I make my apologies to Julia and Kayla. I give them money for a taxi my lift was supposed to take them home too but didn't want them knowing more about Edward and I. We walk out of the club hand in hand and towards his car.

His Volvo is parked not far away and it brings tears to my eyes when I see it. It is everything I remember about him. He squeezes my hand letting me know he remembers too.

I keep hold of his cold hand in the car I don't want to let him go ever. I doodle figures all over his palm. When we get back to my place I ask him.

"Please come up we need to talk some more in private."

It's amazing how soon you can sober up when you need to. I did just that I think.

I go into the kitchen to make myself a coffee and tell him as I go to make himself at home. He followed me. He stood closely behind me not touching me but I could feel that electricity. I ached for him to pull me into his arms. I turn around to look at him.

"Go get changed Bella I can't concentrate with you dressed like that." he says coldly.

"No when I get changed Edward I will be going to bed and I sleep naked these days. No unexpected visitors anymore so I dropped the PJ's."

I only said it in response to the coldness of his demand. It worked he pulled me into his arms and kissed me. At first he was very tentative. Even more so than I remembered. That changed as soon as my hands went to his hair. He deepened the kiss and I swear I even felt his tongue touch my bottom lip. No there is no way the Edward I knew would have kissed me using his tongue. I didn't care about tongue kissing Edward made me forget all the bad things ever. It was better than heaven could ever be. I never wanted him to stop. My already too suggestive dress was now hitched around my thighs. Edwards hand roaming all over my back they even touched on the top of my legs. When he felt the skin of my thighs and not my dress he pulled back.

"Bella we have to stop now while I still can."

"I don't want to stop Edward I want you."

A phone going off sort of killed my buzz. When he stepped away from me I knew it was his phone.

"Yes, I know I'm leaving."

I was stunned, he was just going to leave. It was as easy to leave as it always had been to him. A loud sob escaped from me.

"Please love understand I have to go now. If I stay you'll get hurt and I can't risk that Bella I won't.

"So it doesn't matter if you hurt me by leaving then?"

"It's a different kind of hurt I'm worried about."

Taking my face in between his hand he places a gentle kiss on my now swollen lips.

"I love you Bella, tonight was wonderful. Thank you."

Then he was gone. Just like old times I was left frustrated. I cried myself to sleep. In the morning I felt terrible, headache, sore throat and I was so tired. I spent the whole day wallowing. I only dressed myself incase unexpected visitors arrived. No one did not even a text or call. Charlie could tell straight away I was not myself.

"You okay Bells?" he asked during weekly call on the Sunday.

"Yeah just a bit under the weather thats all."

I had several text later that day from Julia and Kayla. They wanted gossip unfortunately for me I had none to give them. If Edward and I could get back on track things were going to have to change I couldn't carry on like this. I was 22 for fucks sake I was sick of being a virgin. I wanted Edward like I never had before, every ounce of my being ached for his touch, for his hands on my body for his lips to kiss me all over...why do I do this to myself. I respond to both girls.

**Its still complicated.**

I decide the best way is to carry on with my plan. Alice is surprisingly absent most of the time. I have a funny feeling her brother has something to do with that. I don't believe he's distancing himself anymore more like he like me wants us to be the ones to sort it out.

Esme comes to see me often and brings Emmett who has either forgotten or forgiven me from our previous spat. Edward texts me every night but I haven't seen him again. I know he's nearby though I can feel him. He doesn't believe I can sense him but I can.

**I know you are out there Edward either come in or ring me don't just stalk me. The neighbours are starting to talk.**

Within a minute he slides through the patio door.

"I knew I was right."

"How are you? I'm sorry again. It's all I seem to do apologise to you. I know I make you angry but my control is not that good anymore Bella and you would have been hurt, physically that is."

"I know its okay. I understand why you left. Alice saw something."

I join him on the sofa I make sure to leave sufficient space between us so he doesn't feel pressured. When he pulls me close I'm more than a little surprised.

"Come here I've missed you." he says smelling my hair deeply.

I laugh but do not protest. At this point I will take whatever he is offering. We have yet to discuss what we are and where we are in our complicated relationship.

"I've missed you too so much." I say snuggling in close to his cold hard body.

"We do need to talk Bella. Things are not going to get straightened out if we continue to pretend everything is okay."

"I didn't realise we were pretending everything is okay. I still have weeks left of my new found freedom and I intend to use it all."

I feel him tense up around me.

"Are you joking me or what? You still intend to go out every week and will accept dates if someone asks after last weekend and what it was like between us?" he sounds heartbroken.

"Well I had planned on continuing to go out yes and yes I loved our time together last week and whose to say we can't do that again. We could even go out casually together but I still need to live my last four years Edward. I'll only end up regretting it and then you'll be miserable and blame yourself this way its all over and done with before we talk about the future."

" I don't think I can stand by Bella and watch you do what you did in the nightclub last week for another two months. I'll have killed someone by then. I won't be able to control myself."

"Then don't watch me on those nights out Edward. Trust that I will do nothing to jeopardise my life with you. Will you trust me Edward?"

"I do trust you Bella and I do understand why you want to do this but I just can't stand the way other men lust after you even look at you. God knows it's bad enough that I feel like that but strangers. No I can't do it."

I saw my opportunity and seized upon it.

"So you lust after me too do you?" I say crawling into his lap. My lips kissing his neck finding his jaw. He didn't stop me at first. He groaned under me. Soon our lips were moulded together. This time I took the lead I let him know exactly how wanted to be kissed. I nibbled on his bottom lip coaxing his mouth open. He refused me entry but he did lick my bottom lip again. He was driving me mad. My hands were pulling at his hair now I was desperate to get closer to him. I could feel his erection hard against me where I sat on his lap. I could not help grinding myself into it. We both groaned now, when his phone started ringing I simply said.

"You answer that now and we are over, this ends forever if you pick up that phone Edward."

I know I sounded like a sulky child but right now he needed to understand we were more important. He looked at me and saw that my eyes meant every word. He ignored it and continued our kiss. When his stopped mine started.

"Do you want to get that Bella? Its Alice."

I answer him by throwing my phone against the wall. Our kisses soon turn hot and eager once more. Both of us now fully committed to letting this go wherever it needs to. I slowly climb off him and pull him up of the sofa. He lets me I couldn't have done it if he wasn't willing. Our lips never part I walk us slowly to my bedroom.

Behind the closed door I edge us closer to the bed. My hands now trying to get his shirt off, out of his trousers and over his head. He helps me and throws it over a chair. As I start to remove my own clothes he stops me and starts to do it himself. He kisses every inch of skin he uncovers. I am beside myself with longing for him.

"Bella I don't know if I'll be able to do everything tonight. Will you be patient with me please. Can we see how far I can go. Will that be enough for you?"

"Edward I love you, just trying is enough. I'll take whatever you feel you can give."

The rest of our clothes lay scattered on my bedroom floor. I'm too nervous to blush and so overcome with love and tenderness for this man. He is so scared. He's lived over a hundred years and to never have even attempted this. I know it goes against everything he's ever believed in. He's doing this for me, for us.

He may be as hard as marble and as cold as it too but to me he is hotter than that hottest furnace. His perfect physique makes me weak at the knees. I touch him gently with my finger tips moving slowly down his back and side. When I cup the cheek of his backside he pushes himself into me. I groan god he feels so good. A little braver now my hands roam freely around his body, he does not try to stop me. When I touch his erection I stop, watching his reaction waiting for him to disappear. He doesn't instead he closes his eyes and leans back onto the pillows.

I pull myself closer to his side as he allows me access to his whole body. I kiss him and tell how much I love him. All the time my hand is caressing his erection. I have no real idea of what I am doing so I just do what I think I should and what I'd heard on the grapevine. It seems to be working now his hips are moving, thrusting upwards in time with my hand movements. The occasional moaning of my name draw my eyes back to his face. When I lean down and kiss him I stop my hand moving not on purpose it just sort of happens.

He then takes over. I am on my back under him in a flash. We both giggle a little.

"Its my turn now, you just need to lie still please and let me practice." His raised eyebrows warn me to be good.

His hands float over my skin while his lips devour mine. His hand and fingers play me like a prized instrument. I cannot believe after only a minute or two that he has no experience in this at all. Soon I am writhing under his touch, desperate for more. i cannot stay still I just cannot.

"Patience Bella patience."

"Are you sure you've never done this before Edward because you sure know a hell of a lot more than I do. Yours hands feel like magic please don't stop."

"I'll try not to Bella but I can't promise to go all the way not with out more preparation. We'll see."

His lips follow now where his hands were. He suckles first one then my other breast whispering about their perfection as he goes. Lower and lower he goes. I know I am ready for whatever he decides. I can feel my own juices slippery down the inside of my leg. He stops to caress my stomach with his tongue. At the same time he parts my legs with his hands and moves closer to my core.

At first he cups me and rubs his palm against my clit this causes me to writhe like crazy under him.

"Steady Bella steady love."

When his fingers slip inside my folds and he finds my slickness I just about die. A low growl comes from deep within him. I cannot stop raising my hips to meet his touch. His face is now only inches away. Is he really going to use his mouth? Will he be able to control himself?

I shouldn't have worried. When his tongue touched me there I was sure I'd died and gone to heaven I knew there was no way in hell I could stop myself moving. It felt fantastic, no more than that incredible. No there are no words to describe how it felt being eaten out by Edward Cullen. The first of my many orgasm that night came hard and I came loud very loud. Poor Edward his hair was very nearly pulled out at the roots as I pulled and tugged at him. Still he did not let me rest. Over and over I was in agony and ecstasy at the same time it was sheer bliss. Fucking perfect.

When he eventually allowed me to rest and he crawled back up to be level with my face I could smell me all over him. He was grinning from ear to ear.

"How did I do love?" he asks laughing.

"Oh not bad for a beginner, I'm sure with practice you'll get better."

At this he attacks my lips and rolls us over so I am on top of him.

"Now its my turn you just lay there and be good." I tell him as I crawl down his perfect body.

Dare I be as bold as he was. If you can't have full sex and I assume after multiple orgasm's he isn't even going to attempt full sex tonight. I can't leave him unsatisfied. I want him to experience what I have tonight so I need to do what I need to do. I have no experience of the size of men's penis' I've read of course and heard countless men bragging but I'm sure this was bigger than the norm. I'd just do what I could I could always use both my hands and mouth.

My eventual destination seems to sink in and he touches my shoulder.

"Bella no you don't have to do that."

"I know, I want to Edward I want you to feel like I did when you did it to me."

I take the tip in my hand and lick off his precum. I swirl my tongue around the head before sliding my mouth over as much as I can. I must be doing okay as he's moaning again and he hips are thrusting it deeper into my mouth. I need to reposition myself to get closer to him, as I turn he pulls me sideways to him and slips his fingers into my hot wet core once again. Oh my god this is so incredible. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever imagined me giving him head whilst he fingered me. It made me come just thinking about it. When I pulsed around his fingers he came in my mouth. He immediately went into..

"Bella I'm so sorry I just..., when you..., I just couldn't stop."

"Edward its okay really I wanted to do it. Please trust me on this love."

He dragged me back up along his cold body it made me horny again being so close.

"Do you ever stop looking for opportunities to jump me Bella?" he said laughing.

"A girls got to take whatever chances she can." I explain trying to keep a serious face on.

"You do realise you'll never get rid of me now you know. I could not possibly leave your side now that I have swallowed your bodily fluids and you mine. I'll have to think of how we are going to deal with this seeing as you still want to go out picking up men when you have perfectly good one at home."

"You could always move in Edward so that I have to come home to you even after a drunken night of debauchery."

"There will be no debauchery my love, you can go out with the girls when you like but I will be the only man in your life now and I am serious Bella. I'll bring my stuff here tomorrow. No one has to know if you don't want them to or we can go public whatever you want."

"Can we talk about it in the morning please I'm knackered. Lets just cuddle up and go to sleep."


	5. Chapter 5

**I've Moved On or Have I?**

**Chapter 5**

Thanks as usual to all who read and take the time to review. Your comments all mean a lot. It makes the late nights of writing worth it.

Most of this story will be told from Bella's pov however in this chapter it is important that other's perspective's are heard. Hope you agree. here goes...

**BPOV**

I stretch and come across something cold and hard. Immediately I remember what had happened last night and my cheeks start to go red. Opening one eye I see he is still here and he's still as naked as am I. Oh god how do I handle this? I mean it was fucking fantastic, incredible the best night of my life ever and I would never want to change a single second. However, that does not stop my embarrassment this morning.

"Good Morning love, I know you are awake the change in your breathing gave you away." he says silkily.

"Hi Edward, will you excuse me while I take a human minute or two?"

He lifts the covers for me to slip out. Dare I walk naked across the bedroom? I know he saw a lot more of me last night but in the cold light of day it does not stop me being embarrassed. What the hell, I make a quick dash across the room and grab a dressing gown off the back of the door on my way past.

A chuckle from behind me lets me know he knows I'm mortified this morning.

In the bathroom first I pee. Then I decide I better clean myself up a bit. Not quite getting a shower I have a quick wash of all the necessary places and brush my teeth. I feel much better in myself and slip the thin cotton dressing gown on to hide my nudity.

He's already dressed when I go back into my bedroom. This makes me feel so much better. He's still sat on the edge of the bed waiting for me he has the sweetest smile on his sexy face.

"You okay Bella?"

"I'm good how about you?" I say smiling at him now. My confidence returning a little thanks in part to his clothing.

"Never better love, never better. Shall we talk now, I hope you remember what we sort of discussed last night after... well after we ... I'm sure you know what I mean."

Ah bless he was just as embarrassed as me.

"Okay Edward you talk I'll just make myself some toast and a drink."

"Well Bella following the acts we performed last night can I safely assume we are on the same page now with regard to our relationship?"

"I don't know about the acts Edward last night was fantastic and I wouldn't change it for anything but I still want the rest of my time as we previously agreed. It was never really about dating other men Edward it was more about me being open to other possibilities. My mind and heart had been closed off for over four years now I'm me again I just want to experience things I should have experienced over the last four years."

"Do you love me Bella?"

"More than anything."

"Then we can deal with whatever is thrown our way together. I really believe that Bella. Last night you told me to move in here, this morning I sense you either don't remember that or are regretting your words. Am I right?"

"I think I may have been a little hasty Edward. The feelings created last night sort of took over all sensible reason and thoughts. It's too soon. We aren't even official yet. I'm sorry if I mislead you I really am and you not moving in does not change how I feel about you. You know that right?"

"Bella we'll go at whatever pace you want love but know that after we did what we did last night I will not allow another man near you. You are mine."

The passion with which he spoke made my heart swell deep in my chest. I didn't want anyone else. It had only ever been him. My one date with Matt had confirmed that to me. Edward didn't need to know how much of a push over i was just yet.

"Will you come and see me every day?" I ask quietly scared now I'd put some of our tentative progress back.

"If you want me to I will. I can always spend the night too if you'd like that too." he said with a hopeful smile.

A familiar blush rose from my toes to the tips of my ears. I could only manage a small nod in agreement.

"Good, well I'm off now. I'll let you get ready for the day. Text me later Bella I'll be waiting."

Dropping a small kiss on my open lips he is gone. Was he really not mad at me. Why did I have to say those things last night. Was it just the aftermath of incredible sex or tiredness. I was just glad he had not too upset when I said it was all too soon.

Charlie rang he had arranged a fishing weekend at Cannon Beach with Billy they had loved the place and the fishing. Today he'd called me to invite me to spend a weekend there with him. Just the two of us. Sort of like meeting halfway. It was much closer to me but hey I wasn't going to argue I hadn't seen my Dad in ages and he'd offered to cover the cost of a B&B for both of us for the weekend. I readily agreed. It would be great to spend some quality time with him. On the rare occasions I was with him at home in Forks I was sullen and morose. All the memories of Edward too much, still too raw. Charlie was all too well aware of why I shied away from going home.

I decided I would not tell Charlie about the reappearance of the Cullens and especially not about Edward and our relationship possibly getting back on track. Nor would I tell Edward about the weekend. He didn't own me, this was all part of experiencing normal things. A weekend away with my father did not require my ex's permission. If Charlie found out about Edward he'd definitely hunt down my vampire lover and shoot him dead and then where would I be. I may reconsider telling Edward about my trip although I still feel like I can do what I like and I don't have to answer to anyone. I'll think about it.

Days went by and my normal routine now included a very sexy vampire again. We had not had a repeat of our mammoth sex session. I think both of us were a little scared. We kissed and cuddled and we spent nights wrapped in each others arms. It was bliss, he was attentive and loving. I was under not doubt that he adored me. He showed it as much often as I allowed. He had always had my heart and now I was more able to admit it to myself.

He met me after work tonight. He was sat on the bonnet of my car with a small posy of flowers. Jumping down as I approached he offered me the posy. They were lovely like him. I leant in for a kiss to say hello and thank you.

He watched me all the way home. It was hard to concentrate driving with him staring. He holds my hand as we walk up to my apartment together.

"Do you want me to stay tonight Bella?" he asks hopefully.

"I'm tired Edward, it was manic at work. I just want to have a bath and go to sleep."

I know my words crush him. They crush me too. How long did I wait to have sex with my lovely vampire and when he's offering himself to me I knock him back. What the hell Bella. I touch his arm and say

"You can always stay and cuddle up next to me like you have been doing and like we used to back in Forks ye know."

"Bella I'll do whatever you want me to. You know I just want to be with you don't you?"

I pull him into my arms and kiss him until I need to breathe. It would be so easy to let myself get carried away kissing him but I am actually worn out and I need to relax in a hot bath. He runs it for me and sits by the side of the bath and reads to me while I just relax. I may even dose off because the water is cooler than I would expect when I open my eyes again. Edward is not longer where he was sat earlier. Reluctantly I get out and dry myself. Cozy and warm in fleecy PJ's I head to the bedroom. He's not there either. A little perturbed now I head back to the lounge. Nothing, he's not anywhere, then I see a note in his elegant script

_Bella love, I realise now just how tired you are. I was going to put you to bed but then you would have woken up and I want you to rest. I love you. I'll see you soon_

_Edward x_

Drat tomorrow was Friday and I would be going out with the girls after work. I hoped he remembered. I had not remembered to tell him about my weekend away with Charlie and that was this weekend too.

Friday dawns damp and chilly. Jeans and a jumper would have to do for tonight. We weren't clubbing tonight just a few drinks after my shift. I didn't want to be too late as I was leaving at seven in the morning. My ride tonight was Jasper, Alice was away with Esme at some fashion show, Emmett and Edward were hunting. Jasper offered I accepted. I text him that I needed to be picked up at midnight.

Shirley, Kayla and Julia pumped me for information about Edward. Question after question.

'Did you have sex Bella?'

' Are you back together?'

'Are you seeing him again? If not can I have his number?'

'Do you love him?'

I rolled my eyes avoiding responding letting them make up their own responses. In the ladies later Shirley who had not been there the night Edward came on to me at the club said.

"Bella from what I hear from the girls this guy is drop dead gorgeous. The girls said the way he watched you, the way he looked at you. They think he's madly in love with you Bella. You're not saying much so I assume you feel strongly about him too and want to keep your feeling for him private. Bella now that I've met Derek I understand how love works. You do what you feel is right for you and this Edward. Just remember I'd love to meet him some time he sounds like a dream."

"Oh he is Shirley probably even more so than Kayla and Julia described. I've always struggled to put into words just how dreamy he is and I can assure you if and when we make some decisions you'll be the first person I introduce him to. How does that sound?"

"Great, come on lets get back to another lovely man you know iwhose hot and goes by the name of Jasper Whitlock."

All three are in awe of poor Jazz who looked just about ready to die a thousand times over when they all flirted like crazy with him. They did this even knowing he is Alice's husband and they have all met Alice. Some girls have not morals I say laughing.

He drops us all home safely before heading back to a waiting Alice.

My weekend bag is ready so I can get straight off in the morning, Dad will meet me at the B&B at ten. From there we will have breakfast and go exploring. I was looking forward to it. I pull my phone out of my bag, it needs charging. Before I plug it in I send the love of my life a message.

**I hope u r having a good hunt. **

**I missed you tonight. **

**I missed your lips on mine. I missed your arms around me.**

**I want you so badly.  
**

**I love you**. **X**

I hoped my text would let him know how much he meant to me. Plugging the charger in I jump into bed and go to sleep.

The next morning I oversleep now I only have half and hour before I need to set off. After a quick shower I'm dressed and out of the door. Bag in the back seat, I head out of town. I'm more than half way there when I realise I have left my mobile phone charging on my bed stand. _Fuck_, now I can't tell Charlie where I am and more importantly I can't tell Edward where I've gone or even talk to him. How stupid am I?

I find the B&B easily enough. Charlie's cruiser is already parked outside. By special arrangement Dad had gotten us into our rooms as soon as we arrived. When I announced my arrival he flew down the stairs and hugged me to him.

"Dad, okay now let me go please you are squashing me.

"Bella its so good to see you. You look great, something or someone in Portland must be agreeing with you eh?" he says nudging me.

"Hi Dad its really great to see you." I say hugging him to me again I ignore his question.

After dropping my bag off in my room. I head back down to meet my Dad. We stroll along the front talking catching up. It was like twenty questions. Who? what? why? Where should I start. He seemed to enjoy hearing about my job and my work friends. He was thrilled my masters work was going well. It was nice to see a big grin on his face. He'd spent so much of the last four years with a deep worry frown across his brow. I needed to let him see I was okay more than okay actually I just had to keep the reason why a secret.

We both ate a hearty full breakfast at a café Dad had found when he was last here with Billy. He watched me eat every mouthful. It was like he was making sure I wasn't pretending. We talked some more and after a mug of hot tea we set off to walk along the beach.

"So Bella are you going to tell me who he is? I haven't seen you this chilled and smiling since... well you know when."

"Dad can we please not do this. It may be nothing just be happy that you know I'm doing okay and enjoying things right now. I'll let you know if there is anything you need to know I promise."

"Okay for now I suppose." he said smiling again.

We walked and walked and when we came across a bench I begged to sit and have a rest. I was pissed I had forgotten my phone, he would be frantic by now. I had not mentioned to anyone my weekend away. I didn't work weekends so there was no need to tell anyone at work and I just told the girls I had a busy weekend planned. I'm sure they assumed I was spending it with Edward.

When Dad got up and took my camera I started to gnaw on my bottom lip. Poor Edward, he'll think all sorts of bad things and it was only the fact that I had the brain of a fish really. Had I not overslept I 'm sure I would have remembered my phone then I could have spoken and text him all day. I was really quite worried about how he going to react. Edward the worrier, Edward the pessimist, Edward who worried about me every single second of every day we weren't together. Oh god what had I done.

"Bella are you okay you seemed a little distracted there for a minute?"

"I'm fine Dad, I just realised I left my phone behind and I really needed to send someone a quick text."

He offers me his ancient mobile phone to use. I shake my head

"Its no use Dad I don't know the number The numbers are all programmed into my phone I don't know what they are from memory. I couldn't even begin to guess. Don't worry Dad I'll sort it out when I get home."

We had a lovely meal that night, we laughed and talked liked I'd never ever remembered. I actually had tears running down my cheeks at some of the tales he told me. Some of them adventures he and Billy had gotten into over the years some tales of things that had happened to him as a police officer. My sides ached as we walked back to the B&B. I could not remember ever having spent such a wonderful day with my Dad. Maybe when I was a teenager I had not given him the time to be a real Dad to me. I had when I first came to live with him been angry and frustrated at having to move from the sunshine of Phoenix to the cold and wet of Forks. Then of course there was Edward, he'd taken over all my emotions and I pretty much ignored everything that was not him.

I kiss my Dad goodnight, he seems shocked at my open displays of affection. Up in my room I worry some more about poor Edward. I haven't even brought my diary with me that at least had my works details in. if i had I could have rung work and got someone to text Alice. There is nothing I can do other than drive back now and pick up my phone. No I'm not gonna do that I'm tired and this is my weekend with my father and I'm just going to have to deal with the consequences of my forgetfulness when I get back.

Sleep comes pretty quickly to say I'm upset and anxious. I suppose the fresh air helped. I dream of Edward and his safe strong arms. I dream of his lips on mine and his lips and hands moving all over my body. I ache for his touch. I woke several times in a hot sweat. I was sad when at first I realised it was only a dream. I would remedy that as soon as I saw him when I got back

Sunday dawns bright and sunny. I'm quieter at breakfast today. I now really fear what will await my return to Portland. Dad notices and offers straight away to allow our weekend to be cut short.

"No Dad I'm just been silly. Its just I forgot to mention my coming away this weekend to anyone so there will be people who will wonder where I've disappeared to. I'll sort it out when I get back don't let it spoil our last day together."

"Come on then girl lets head out I've got a feeling the fish will be biting this morning."

I roll my eyes, I wondered why he'd told me to bring a book to read. I was supposed to sit and read while he fished. Great just how I wanted to spend the day.

The owner of the B&B had made us a picnic and Charlie had the perfect spot picked out for us. It took us a good twenty minutes in the cruiser to get there. The day had progressed to be warm as well as sunny. I would be comfortable sat in the chair Dad had provided with a shawl on hand in case I felt the chill.

Dad whooped and hollered a few times as a 'big one' got away. I laughed at his animated expressions. Lunch was a delightful mix of tiny sandwiches and pastries. All washed down with a thermos of hot tea.

As the sun began to set we had to think about making tracks. I had Uni and work tomorrow and Dad's shift started at seven.

Putting the fishing equipment and the chairs back in the cruiser I never even battered an eye when I heard the familiar sound of Dad's phone ringing. I wouldn't normally have even looked up but I had done putting stuff away when I looked up as I climbed in the passenger seat.

He answered the phone with a jovial

"Chief Charlie Swan"

When his face went white and his expression changed I knew something was wrong.

**EPOV**

I wondered if my going to the nightclub would be a mistake. Would she resent my imposition of her girly time. I could not react any other way than what I did. Stood off by the bar she didn't notice me. Her friends however had. They both had thoughts that were not what I would expect from Bella's friends. It was no more than I had come to experience from a lot of woman of all ages. Young, old it did not seem to matter. Anyone and everyone wanted a piece of my ass. I could do with a sign to hang around my neck which read.._** Property of Isabella Swan.**_

When she'd first walked in every male in the place watched her. Her dress was positively indecent it took all I am not to walk over and carry her home then. The men's thoughts made me angry very angry. When she danced with that, that thing in the yellow shirt I lost it. The bar area warped a little under my additional hand pressure.

When I decided to approach and ask her to dance I did not know how she would react. I was relieved when I saw in her eyes the love she felt for me. The bribe I'd given the DJ worked and my timing was perfect as the song I'd requested started just as we reached the dance floor. She did not speak to me nor I her. I took comfort from just holding her in my arms.

Back at her table I could hear her friends questioning her about me. They seemed to recognise my name. They thought I was a friend of Emmett. I won't even think about what that conversation was about. She was breath taking and I was helpless to do anything but be in awe of her.

As I approached her again she gave me her hand willingly. This time she did talk to me a little. The sexual tension between us was almost too much for even me. Touching her made me want more, when she looked at me I knew I had to make her mine. When asked me to take her home I did without a word.

Driving her home she held my hand all the way. It feels wonderful as she draws patterns on my palm. When she invites me in I cannot refuse.

I follow her into her kitchen where she makes herself a coffee. I do not touch her I stand close behind her. I can feel the sexual tension radiating between us now even stronger than it was back in the club.

What comes out of my mouth I do not mean not in the way it sounds. The dress looks incredible, she is so sexy and the short tight dress only adds to that. When she responds angrily I can hardly blame her but what she says has my already hard penis about ready to jump out and attack her.

She sleeps naked nowadays does she? No need for PJ's now she does not have a night time visitor. I am unable to stop the response. I am kissing her tenderly at first but when her hands snake up my neck and into my hair passion takes over and I kiss her as passionately as I dare. Foolishly I let my tongue snake out and lick her bottom lip. She responds to me immediately and begs for entry to my mouth. I cannot allow this, my razor sharp teeth would cut her and my venom would... no I cannot let her kiss me like that.

My hands roamed freely all over her back and side, she felt incredible in my arms once again. As I lost myself in our kiss I foolishly let my hands wander again and am stunned when I come into contact with her skin not her clothes but skin and to boot skin at the top of her delectable thigh. I have to stop now before I cannot.

The rejection in her eyes nearly breaks my resolve. Alice comes to my rescue at that moment when she rings me.

"You have to leave now Edward or things will go too far and you'll regret it when you change her."

"I know I'll leave now."

She actually thought I wanted to leave her. I didn't of course I didn't I never wanted to leave her again. I knew I had to, it was too much too soon. I was not anywhere near close to being able to control myself in those particular circumstances. With a small kiss on her swollen lips I leave hoping she'll understand and forgive me.

We continue our mobile phone relationship. She seems okay if not a little quiet. Esme and Emmett visit her I don't I'm a coward I know. Instead I hang around her place outside at night. I don't go in like I used to. I just want to be close to her. Sometimes she stands near the patio doors looking towards where I am hiding. I wonder if she can sense me, feel me close.

Her text inviting me in confirms she knew I was there all along. I am at her side in a flash.

We sit next to each other on her sofa. She is too far away appearing afraid of being close incase she pushes me over the edge.

I pull her into my arms and drink in her scent. She pulls herself closer and I wrap my arms around her. It feels so good but I know we need to talk.

"We can't keep pretending Bella, we need to talk."

"I didn't realise we were pretending Edward, I still have some time left of my new found freedom I intend to use it wisely."

I tense up wondering what she means surely after how we reconnected at the club and the kiss she wouldn't still need to seek out other men would she.

"You have to be kidding me right?"

A heated discussion follows, surely she realises I cannot stand by and see her with another man. She wants me to trust her and I do but I do not trust other men not after hearing what their thoughts were in the club. I made a mistake then I actually said out loud what I was thinking. She pounced immediately. I was powerless to resist.

It started out just kissing and nibbling and god I was in ecstasy as she ground herself into my now throbbing erection. I could hear Alice shouting at me but I ignored her so she rang me instead.

Bella threatened to end us now if I answered I might have ignored her if she hadn't looked like a spoilt child pouting. When Alice gave up on me and rang Bella's phone I almost laughed when she threw it against the wall.

I should really stop her now before it really does go too far. I am too weak I let her pull me up from the sofa and I follow like a willing puppy. Our lips never part she closes her bedroom door once we are through it.

Her hands work overtime trying to get my shirt out of my trousers and over my head. I give in and help her throwing it casually over a chair. When she starts to remove her own clothes I stop her, I want to do that and I kiss every inch I uncover.

Pulling back I look at her and say truthfully

"I don't know if I'll be able to go all the way. I'll try please just be patient with me."

When she responds by telling me she loves me and just by trying is enough my heart swells with love for this perfect human girl. The rest of our clothes are off in seconds and left forgotten on the floor.

The next few hours are bliss never in my whole 113 years did even consider that I could feel the things I felt tonight. Her lips are divine her tiny hands drive me insane with passion. I respond in kind giving her as much pleasure if not more than she has given to me.

Coming down from the massive high she is understandibly shattered. When she asks me to never leave again and move my stuff in I wonder if she is coherent. We'll talk some more in the morning when she has slept.

It feels wonderful with her in my arms again. I wonder how I even managed to get through the last four years.

I knew when she had woken up I could sense the change in her breathing and the tension in her body was immediate. I knew then she was worrying about being here naked with me. Wondered what we had done and what we had said.

I half expected her to back track on the whole moving in thing. Even though I was gutted I agreed it was too soon. Things were okay we were talking and spending time together but we hadn't had a replay of our previous loving session. I was scared, she was scared, it was silly really, some nights I spent in her bed fully clothed with her wrapped in my arms. Why we would be scared of letting nature take its course I really don't know. Our kisses didn't over step the mark we stayed in complete control.

On Thursday she'd worked some extra hours to cover someone who was out sick. I readily agreed to pick her up and drive her home. She looked shattered she had done a full nine hour shift.

When asked her if she wanted me to stay even her response sounded tired. She just wanted to sleep but I could stay and cuddle up to her as usual. I ran her a bath with lots of lavender and lilac it would help her relax. I sat on the floor at the side of the bath and read to her.

Soon I realised she had fallen asleep. I considered putting her to bed but I didn't want to wake her and I knew if she did she would try to stay awake just to be with me. I decided to leave. I wrote her a note and I'd speak to her later.

Tomorrow I was going hunting with Emmett and Rose, Jasper was designated driver for her regular night out because Esme and Alice were in New York at some fashion show. Jazz would look after her for me.

The hunt was exhilarating we went deep into California the prey was big and plentiful I drank like I hadn't in years. I played and tusselled with Emmett while Rose rolled her eyes at us. It was just what I needed.

When her text came it made my heart swell. She loved me she missed me she wanted me too. I loved her more than words could ever even say.

We had nothing to rush back. I would speak to Bella when I got back and I would see her then too. I could enjoy my run home, she loved me like I loved her and all was right in the world.

It was just about sunrise when we arrived back at Alice and Jazz's place in the mountains. I'd taken to staying there to be close to my Bella. I may need to consider buying a place of my own closer to Bella I didn't want to impose on Alice and Jazz for too long. It gave me something to think about.

By nine o'clock I was itching to speak to her. A quick text goes without response. She must be still asleep. I wait until eleven to ring her still no reply. Her phone rings and rings. Her house phone does the same. Maybe she has gone out with friends for the day. I'd drop by later when she should be back.

It was about half four when I let myself into the apartment. She hadn't answered the door and I'd had the foresight to ask Alice to borrow the key. She wasn't here. Everything was as I would expect. In her bedroom I saw her phone on the bedside table still plugged in charging. It still had my message and missed calls showing, she hadn't been back.

My mind started to work overtime, I was starting to worry. I decided to go into town, listen in to some conversations see if anyone had seen her. I started at her work they were busy and no one thought of Bella. Even her friend Shirley was too wrapped up in Derek to think about my Bella.

It took me a while to locate Kayla she was definitely too occupied to be thinking about Bella. God did people really do that? Julia was at her place watching some romcom and crying. Her thoughts were only of how things went wrong in her relationship and how lonely she was.

No clues in town then, not even listening to random people. I need Alice to help.

They are waiting for me when I get back to her apartment.

"I've not seen or heard anything Edward, nothing bad. Whatever she is doing she did it by choice. No one took her by force I'd have seen that."

I was getting more and more agitated as time went on. Jazz sent me wave after wave of calming thoughts. I gave him a grateful nod of thanks. I asked Alice to make calls to the girls she knew. See if they could throw any light on anything.

No one had seen or heard from Bella. She hadn't mentioned to anyone that she had plans that did not include me. I was more worried than ever.

I sat and stared into space. I rocked with my arms wrapped around my body offering me little comfort. God I just wanted her home safe I would do anything, and I mean anything whatever she wants she gets. If it comes down to full sex then that is what she will get. I will do anything the moment she is returned safely to my arms.

As dawn breaks still nothing I am more than frantic. Emmett and Rose searched all the trails she loved to hike. Nothing. Carlisle and Esme searched the mountains surrounding Alice and Jazz's place . Still nothing. Where the hell can she be.

Alice even tried to ring Charlie in Forks he must have been at work because his house phone just rang and rang. There was no point trying Renee in Jacksonville Bella had already told Alice they had virtually lost contact when she refused to move back with her after I'd left.

Another foray into town reveals nothing no more news. Alice has been going through Bella's cupboards. Her camera is missing and so are a few pairs of jeans and trainers. Would she have left me? Ran away from me because I was pushing her too hard too fast. Alice sat down next to me on Bella's bed

"Edward she hasn't run away from you she loves you. I saw the other night how happy she was when you were together. This is something that she forgot to tell you about please try not to worry"

I nod so she'll leave me alone. I lie down pushing my face deep into her pillow. It makes me feel like she's here, like she's close. Dry tears form as I sob into her pillow.

Jazz breaks into the university to check and she if she has cancelled her lectures this week. To see if there is a note explaining her absence. Nothing. Alice takes this as a good sign. Bella has no intention of missing school. She thinks she'll be back. I'm not sure. As the day goes on I become more and more morose.

At six I make a decision I still have Charlie's mobile phone number may be he will tell me if he knows where she is.

"Edward no. she hasn't told him we're back and I know for a fact she hasn't told him about you. You could be stirring up a lot of trouble right now for when she does come home just think about it Edward please." Alice says begging me

"We could always contact him if she isn't back by say lunch time tomorrow" Jazz adds.

I cannot wait any longer I have to know if he knows anything. Taking my phone from my pocket I trawl through the list of names. Finding Charlie Swan's mobile does not take me long. I stare at the phone for a good few minutes before dialing.

He answers sounding happy with life.

"Chief Charlie Swan."

"Chief Swan it's Edward Cullen."

I can almost feel the disgust rolling from the phone. I can hear his anger growing evden though nhe isn't speaking as I continue.

"I'm sorry to trouble you and I know I'm probably the last person you want to speak to but I was wondering if you'd heard from Bella today or yesterday?"

Then I heard her sweet voice and realised I was in big trouble.

"Dad are you okay, what's happened is Mum okay. Dad, Dad who is on the phone?"

"Edward Cullen." he says before hanging up.

**sorry sorry sorry I could not resist leaving it here on a bit of a cliffy. truthfully how many of you realised it would Edward on the phone to Charlie? Come on tell me the truth. Reviews please...**


	6. Chapter 6

**I've Moved On Or Have I?**

Thanks to all who read and review. I think fanfic traffic site is a bit poorly. According to trarfic no one read my last chapter yet I received reviews. Strange but true. Think it's been under the weather for a while as I've noticed some odd things happening latelywith the numbers and stuff.

All reviews are welcome, good, bad and indifferent. Ideas too and if used will be acknowledged. Message me anytime for a chat.

I hope everyone is well rested after a break for Christmas and New Year...soon be April girls and WFE... Continue to enjoy

**CHAPTER 6**

**BPOV**

Charlie's face was pale as he listened to the person at the other end of the phone. I was really worried.

"Dad are you okay? What's happened is Mum okay? Dad... Dad who is on the phone?"

What he said next sent a shiver down my spine and I knew I had some explaining to do.

"Edward Cullen" he says as he hangs up.

Hyperventilating now I tried not to panic as my Dad's eyes fall on my face. He was a deep shade of beetroot red and I could fair see the steam coming out of his ears.

"What did he say Dad?"

"That's all you've got to say Isabella, what did he say?" he says with a snort.

I'm trying my hardest to buy me some thinking time. I am going to kill a certain vampire when I get my hands on him. I really am.

"What else can I say Dad when I don't even know what he said to you."

"He asked me if I had heard from you yesterday or today or if I knew your whereabouts."

"Right"

" Right... right... is that all you have to say to me young lady. Please tell me he's not the reason why you are smiling and laughing again. Please tell me he's not in your life again Bella. Please tell me you are not that stupid."

"Dad can we not talk about this right now. Yes Edward and the Cullen's are back but its more complicated than you may think. Can I borrow your phone for a minute please? Then I'll talk to you if you promise to listen and be calm."

He hands his phone over reluctantly. I go to the call log and press redial of the last number that had called. He answers on the first ring.

"Hello Chief Swan?"

"No its me."

"Bella, I'm so sorry but I was so worried and I couldn't find you and no one knew where you were and I just had to try. As soon as I heard your voice in the background I knew I was in big trouble. Tell me where you are and I'll come and we can tell him together. Bella I'm so sorry but I needed to find you. Is he okay? He sounded mad. Are you okay love?"

"I know Edward, let me deal with it. I'll be home in a couple of hours and we'll talk then. I'm fine. Wait for me at my place and I'll kick your ass when I get there. Okay?"

He laughs quietly knowing I'm going to have one hell of a job explaining things to my Dad.

" I'll wait for your forever Bella you know that. I'll be here when you get back. Are you sure you don't want me to come? I love you."

"I know I love you too and I'll see you later. I'll be fine."

Dad's looking at me like he's ready to kill. His eyes are glazed over and his face has only lessened a little in the deep red colour. How do I explain Edward, how can I make him understand how I feel when all he see's is my past hurt. I know he heard me say that I loved him, I could not respond to Edward any other way. I did love him and I had missed speaking to him over the last couple of days. It was hardly his fault I was such a dimwit forgetting my phone. It was only his fault he was such a worry wart.

This isn't going to be easy he's mad at me now too.

"Dad, I would have told you eventually. Its all a bit undecided yet. We're still trying to work through our issues. All I know is that I love him and I want us to sort it out. You even said yourself that you haven't seen me this happy since Edward left. I'm happy again now he's back. Alice and Jasper live not far from Portland, we bumped into each other by chance got talking you know what its like, old friends and all that. Well Alice told Esme who told Edward and he'd been miserable for a while so he came to visit Alice and Jasper and we all met up for a drink. The old feelings were still there Dad, just different somehow. We both knew it wasn't as simple as just going back to where we were. We talk more, he's not the only thing in my life now. I still go out with my friends every Friday night. Edward understands that I need that now. Please understand he's trying Dad really trying. Will you try for me too. I'm not asking you to see him yet. Just accept that I'm grown up enough now to make my own decisions. I'm not like I was back in high school Dad neither is Edward."

"Why would you even want to be with someone that did that to you? I mean he never even called to see how you were after he left neither did Alice. Bella you know I love you and I do respect you are all grown up now but I saw what his leaving did to you and I cannot sit by and let him drag you down like that again."

"He won't Dad, he's changed too. When he left he did it for all the wrong reasons and he's suffered like I have. He never got over us either. I did try to date other guys Dad I promise but they weren't Edward. None of them could compare to Edward I realise that now. I know you don't want to hear this but he's it for me I love him."

"So I heard when you talked to him on the phone. I still think he's no good for you Bella."

"Please believe me Dad when I say that I have not jumped straight back into a relationship with him. We're still working things out, we talk things through and no major decisions are going to be made anytime soon but I know deep in my heart that it will all work out. We both want it to, we're committed to each other and our relationship just in a different way to before. We both realise we need space and other people in our lives."

"You'll be careful around him Bella?"

He says this sitting in the open car a little dejected. He knows I'm as stubborn as he is and once my mind is made up I'll be the one to change it no one else.

"I better get back before he sends the cavalry out to look for me."

"You wouldn't have told me this weekend would you if he hadn't called. If you hadn't forgotten you phone?"

"No I wouldn't, until I am certain what we are again and we go public I wasn't going to tell anyone."

I pull him out of the cruiser for a hug. He's sulking but I expected nothing less and possibly a whole lot more. At least he's not driven off to Portland to shoot Edward. For that I am relieved. He drives me back to pick up my car at the B&B. We hug again before I get in and say my goodbyes.

"I'll ring you later when you get home. It may be late because I have Edward to talk to too. Drive carefully Dad, love you."

As I drive away I cannot be sure but I'm sure I see him pull his phone from his pocket and put it to his ear. No need to guess who he's calling. God I wonder how that conversation will go. I'm sure Edward will tell me a version of it when I get back.

I don't know if I'm angry or flattered that he was so worried about me. I knew he would over react but to call my Dad. Was he desperate or just plain stupid. He would say desperate I might say a bit of both. Poor Edward I could picture his beautiful face full of worry that I might have left him, run away from him. As if... How could he not realise even now that I simply could never ever leave him. It wasn't an option for me. I had hoped once he realised that I had simply forgotten my phone he would think me stupid and sit and wait for my return. Surely Alice will have told him nothing bad had happened to me. Did she not see me with my Dad?

The traffic was light for a Sunday evening I made it home in under two hours. I wasn't even out of the car before he was there. He looked glorious. He took my breath away every time I looked at him. I could look at him all day every day and never get tired, his eyes, his whole face, his lips...oh his lips I'd missed those. I was pulled into his strong arms and his face was buried in my hair seconds later.

"Bella I was so worried, god I missed you. Are you okay? Was he mad at you? I'm so sorry love if only I'd had some idea I'd have waited for you to get back but I just..."

"Edward, its okay. He was mad and ranted a bit but I told him I loved you and he had to give me the chance to sort us out. What did he say to you when he rang you as I drove away?"

"You saw that huh? He wondered if you did. He said if I hurt one hair on your head this time he will hunt me down and shoot me dead. He wasn't prepared to listen to me tell him I could never leave you again, you are my life now."

My hands gather his beautiful face and bring him back to my face. I gently touch my lips to his and I immediately feel like I've come home. I mean I know I have literally but I mean everything about this man is perfect, he makes me feel perfect. How I feel about him is real and no longer to be denied. I love him. Our kiss becomes more passionate as he gather me in his arms and I let my hands roam through his glorious sex hair.

" We better get inside Edward, the neighbours will talk."

He carries me back to my apartment carrying not only me but my weekend bag and the fish Dad insisted I bring home to put in my freezer. As if I hadn't seen and eaten enough fish back in Forks to last a lifetime he had to go and bag a couple more today.

Once the bag was emptied and the washing was on and I'd put the fish in the freezer I joined him on the sofa. It had taken me a while to get him to leave my side, he followed my every footstep. Like I could go anywhere once I was inside the apartment. Snuggling up next to him he sighed deeply.

"Bella I can't even begin to tell you how worried I was I mean like I know I tend to be a little over the top but I mean it when I say I can't live without you anymore, I don't want to either. Please Bella tell me we're going to okay?"

"Edward I love you but you have to admit you over reacted as usual. I mean I can laugh now but when I saw Charlie's face change I thought he was going to have heart failure. You could have caused my Dad to have a heart attack."

The look on his lovely face was one of embarrassment, love and pure mortification he was hard to ignore. God bless him. How could I not pull him into my arms and kiss him until I couldn't breathe.

Kissing Edward like this was all I ever wanted to do from this point. I didn't care about exam grades, my job anything. I never wanted this type of kissing to stop. He became much more intense and I realised we were heading for a pretty heavy make out session if I didn't stop him now. Stop him... ...yeah right like that was going to happen not a chance. I was way too engrossed in his cold lips and the sensation his hands were causing trailing up and down my sides.

All at once I am up in the air our lips still attached as he carries me into the bedroom. My fingers work frantically on his t shirt. First pulling it out of his jeans and then trying to get it over his head. He does not try to stop me. I wonder if I'm dreaming or is he really allowing me to remove his clothes. We had not had a replay of the most perfect night of my life and now I began to wonder if tonight is the night for round two.

My bedroom door is kicked to with a thud, he walks us slowly over to the bed and places me gently in the centre. My eyes are now heavy full of lust. I cannot resist licking my lips when he stands in front of me and removes not only his t shirt but his jeans and boxers too. His expression tells me he knows I really like what I see and I have to swallow a huge lump in my throat as I anticipate what we are about to do.

Oh my god he is soooooooooooooo beautiful every centimetre, I want to lick and kiss every inch of him. He bends towards me with my favourite lop sided grin in place. He removes my clothes slowly, his eyes never leaving my face. When I am left in only my bra and pants he joins me on the bed.

"Are you going to take those off Bella or shall I?" he says huskily his voice now full of emotion.

Not wanting him to change his mind I slip my pants off first and throw them I don't know where or care then I unclasp my bra. Not easy to make that particular exercise look graceful. Completely naked now I crawl closer to him, his hands are roaming my body and it is driving me mad his lips leaving gentle kisses along my jaw and cheek.

When his hands glide up my legs I shiver with the sensation and when he slips them to the inside of my thigh I nearly come apart there and then. He does not stop, slowly he lets his hand roam to my core. First he cups me pressing his palm to my clitoris. I cannot stop myself pushing into him further. Then he gently slides two fingers into my hot wet centre. In and out slowly at first then faster driving me crazy. What he does next has me coming apart at the seams literally. Never taking his eyes off mine he removes his fingers. I moan at the loss of them he then puts them in his mouth and sucks off every bit of me from them. I am done. Unable to control myself anymore my internal muscles involuntary convulse as an orgasm rips through me. A loud moan escapes my lips.

I dive onto him kissing and biting in a frenzy of passion and desperation. I tentatively touch his erection. He feels so good in my hand as I start to caress him up and down. A moan escapes him and I know he like me is carried away with the emotions of our love making. Tonight I think we both know that this is not enough.

"Bella love" he says dragging his lips away from mine.

"Yes baby"

"Can I make love to you properly tonight, I need to do this Bella now with you. I want to prove to you that I can do this with you. I need to do this with you. Please love let me love you as it should be."

It was like music to my ears. I had been waiting to hear those words forever before back in Forks and now. I felt like standing on the rooftop and shouting hallelujah for everyone to hear. My only response was to cry. I sobbed like a baby over the words he said to me.

"Bella love are you okay? We can wait, it doesn't have to be now I just love you so very much and I think I am ready to prove that to you in that way."

"Edward, if you even try to worm your way out of this I swear Charlie won't need to kill you because I will." I tell him half laughing half in between sobs of joy.

The resulting smile I got was worth every tear. We kissed and caressed each other for what seemed like hours. We both knew when the time was right to become one. I was nervous we hadn't a conversation about it but I wondered if he realised I was still a virgin. I knew he was. We could learn together and I was already pretty impressed with our efforts so far. His touch alone had brought me three releases and my mouth had pleasured him once tonight already.

As he moved into position over me his erection at my entrance he said.

"Are you sure Bella? Is this what you want?"

"You are what I want Edward every part of you."

He slowly pushes into me. It felt strange at first, it didn't hurt maybe his coldness numbed me, no it felt like I was stretching to accommodate him. When he moved a little deeper I could feel he had met my resistance. He stopped and looked at me. Questioningly. Now it did hurt.

"Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?"

"No... Please don't stop please I'm fine. Just give me a second to get used to you being there."

Soon he slipped slowly deeper and deeper. He moved slowly, for me and for himself. All the time making sure he remained in firm control. I could tell from his expression it was taking everything he was to fight the urge to bite me and drink me dry.

The incredible sensations came upon me the moment he started to move with any sort of pace. He had set a steady rhythm it wasn't fast, he was moving now in and out and it felt fucking fantastic. I could hear the moans coming from my lips with every thrust but I was powerless to do anything about them. It felt too good not to let him know. I wanted more I wanted harder faster deeper. My hands and fingers are roaming through his hair pulling and tugging much too hard. I'd be seriously worried about bald patches if he weren't a vampire. When they weren't doing damage to his hair they trailed up and down his back, pulling him closer urging him on and on.

He's moaning now too. His pace now even faster and he was reaching a little deeper. Fuck I was going to explode any second but I didn't want him to stop. Never in my wildest dreams or fantasy about Edward did I ever imagine making love with him would be like this. I cannot even find words to describe how I feel right now and I'm an English major.

"Harder Edward, please I really want to feel you deep inside me. Do it harder baby please." I begged almost incoherently.

Seconds later my orgasm rips through me and I convulse and writhe around his glorious cock milking him for all he's worth, something changes in him too then and he too lets the feelings and sensations take over and soon he too is riding the crest of the orgasm wave. I can feel him pulse his cold seed into me as his thrusting becomes more and more desperate and his non required breaths stutter as he struggles to control his vampiric side.

I am not scared of this reaction. I expected nothing less, I love him and I know he will never hurt me physically or emotionally. Now after this I think things have changed again and now we are tied to each other in a whole different way. True soul mates meant to be together forever.

Laying side by side spent we both just stare at the other. The love and deep emotions in both our eyes say everything we feel. Neither of us want to speak. Our eyes hold their own private conversation and it's perfect.

Eventually he moves and pulls me closer to him.

"You're too far away, come closer to me"

"Edward, thank you that was even more incredible than I ever imagined. I love you so much."

Placing a small kiss on the top of my head which is now resting on his cold hard chest he says quietly.

"You are my whole life Bella. Wow... ...I don't even know where to begin. I don't think there are words to describe just how that felt to me. I will not live without you. You know that right? But now Bella after this don't ever think of trying to ditch me because I'm going nowhere. I couldn't even if I wanted to. That was just incredible. I'm so glad I waited to share it with you. Thank you for waiting to share it with me love."

Wrapped in his arms I dozed I never wanted to move from this bed ever again. When I heard the house phone and then my mobile ringing I remembered Charlie. Shit I had forgotten to call him. Dragging myself out of Edward's arms I went to get my mobile. I wouldn't call him now he might ask some questions he would not like the answers to. I fire off a text apologising for not ringing. I explain that sleep had overtaken me as soon as Edward left. I hoped he'd forgive my white lie in the future.

Putting the mobile on the bedside cabinet I climb back in to bed and into the waiting arms of my vampire lover. Just as I am about to snuggle down for the night. Content in just about everything right now he chuckles. A deep throaty laugh really. I sit up and turn to face him.

"What?"

"Nothing love, sorry."

He's still grinning like a cheshire cat but pulls me down into his arms and kisses the top of my head. My message alert has me sitting up again. My stomach sinks when I read

**Bella is it not bad enough you lied to me all weekend now you are doing it again.**

**Edward didn't leave Bella he's still in there with you** **in your bed I presume seeing as all the lights are lights. **

**I know because I followed you home I saw him waiting for you when you pulled up and I'm parked right outside now and have been since you went inside together.**

**So much for 'nothings decided yet Dad.' **

**I suggest you both come to Forks to talk to me when you have decided what you are to each other. **

I groan as I finish reading it.

"Was that what you were laughing at? Did you know he was outside while we...?"

"No love I just caught his thoughts when he read your text. Then I knew he was outside and that he knew I was still in here with you. He knows I love you Bella, he knows I don't do casual sex, he knows its real and forever. He knows that's true about you too"

"Why did he have to follow me home?"

"He's your Dad he loves you Bella and I for one wouldn't have it any other way. Well with the exception of not having him listen while his daughter and I make mad passionate love that is." he says laughing a little.

He gets out of the bed and slips his black boxers back on. I pull a face as he walks slowly over the window.

"Why are you getting dressed?"

"I'm not I just thought I'd check to see if the cruiser is still parked up or if he's gone now. We don't want an audience for what I have planned next"

The grin on his face tells me we are once again alone. He walks slowly back towards the bed removing his boxers as he get closer it feels like he's stalking me. As he reaches the edge of the bed I can see the lust in eyes it tell me its time for round two.

**let me know how you thinks its progressing.**


	7. Chapter 7

**I've Moved On Or Have I?**

Had some great comments about my last chapter, thanks to each and every one of you who are along for the ride.

I've been reading a bit lately and i am in awe of some of the stories I've read that have received reviews in excess of 5000 wow. A girl can dream...a story **rec **for you is **Songbird **by **SydneyAlice.** All human and I loved every word. Defo worth a look.

Onward and upward enjoy and look out for a new story all human from me too. To be posted soon.

**Thanks as usual to SM who owns all that is the incredible Twilight.**

**Chapter 7**

**BPOV**

Round two, round three and four I don't think I'll be able to walk for a month. It felt great, he was great, I would never have believed that sex could be so intense, so incredible, so perfect in every way possible. I hadn't slept much last night. I remember dozing off in between but somehow we always managed to find ourselves locked together and starting again. I was absolutely exhausted and completely blissed out and it felt fucking wonderful. I had aches in places I didn't know existed but I didn't care. Edward worried that he had overdone it and now we wouldn't be able to do it again until I was fully recovered. I am sure you can imagine what I said to that.

I'd decided today Monday I'd miss lectures and just get up when I needed to go to work later. We were both quiet still laid in bed, still totally naked and wrapped in each others arms. He's tried unsuccessfully to crawl away from me several times saying I'd get hypothermic but whatever he was going no where, I was plenty warm enough.

"Edward, can I ask you something?"

"Of course love."

"Well would you mind awfully if we still stuck to my original plan of me having some time to re live my late teenage years?"

"Bella you can't be serious, you still want to experience other men after this?"

"**No no no** not that part. I've never really wanted anyone but you, you know that right? Its just I want to do this right. I want to be able to say I didn't fall straight back into your arms and forgive you after everything. I just want to keep my new friends and go out on a Friday night after work."

"Bella I'm not objecting to you having friends or going out whenever you want to. I would just like to know that you are mine and will come home to me."

"I will come home alone every night Edward you have to know that. I don't want you here just to check up on me."

"I'll be here because I want to be Bella no other reason."

I turn then and look him full in that gorgeous face. He still takes my breath away. No matter how long I look or how long we've been together he is quite magnificent. My aching sore girly bits tingle with the anticipation of what may come.

He looks at me puzzled. I know he can smell my arousal.

"No Bella, not a chance. You are too sore and you need to heal."

"But Edward, I want you (_kiss_) I need you (_nibble_) please baby (_kiss_)"

I'm really into it now. Horny as hell and wet through just for him. I writhe against his hip. It hurts like hell but it feels so good I don't know if it's the coldness of his rock hard body against my aching inner thigh or just pure lust. I don't care I want and need him right now.

Crawling up him slowly I don't know if I look silly or sexy. It's hard not knowing what to do. I guess going with your gut instinct is about all you can do. He doesn't complain for too long when my breasts push onto his chest. His breathing falters and his arms close around me and guide me up to where he wants me most. Hard and erect once again round five begins...

Some hours later now thoroughly loved again and completely unable to move he urges me out of bed.

"Noooooo I just want to stay here a little while longer please baby let me sleep."

"Bella get up, you need to get ready to go to work. Come on in the shower I'll get it all ready for you."

I watch him walk naked across my bedroom and out to the hallway and bathroom beyond. I cannot resist chewing my bottom lip, god he is so so gorgeous I perv after him. When he walks back into the room he catches me staring. His eyebrows rise and a tiny grin is on his delectable lips. His eyes glint a hint of pleasure I know he can tell what's on my mind even though he cannot read it.

"If you don't move now love I will carry you into the bathroom. No good looking at me like that Bella even I am not up to another round just yet."

My eyes immediately drop to his semi erect cock, a smile crossing my face.

"Wanna make a bet lover boy?"

He rolls his eyes and picks me up off the bed naked and throws me over his shoulder. I've now got the perfect view of his arse. Hmmm. When he deposits me in the shower he closes the glass door and walks out of the room. Laughing as he closes the door behind him.

The shower feels wonderful, it helps me wake up properly and the hot powerful jets feel like little needles soothing the soreness in between my legs. A small dried blood stain brings me back to reality, even though it is soon washed away. He didn't even react to the blood when my barrier was broken. I'd forgotten all about it. I wondered now if there was blood on the sheets. Had he been uncomfortable all night? God how could I forget he was a vampire for god sakes. Stupid Bella. I suppose because to me he is Edward, my love, my life, always kind and gentle so loving. The fact that he is a vampire forgotten at what cost to him this time?

Wrapped in a fluffy white bath sheet I walk slowly back into the bedroom. He's dressed and still as gorgeous. He is also pretty useful he's changed the bedding. I guess that means there was blood on the sheets. Pulling him down onto the now freshly made bed next to me I say.

"Edward, you didn't have to do this love, was there blood? Will it wash out?"

"I've put them all in the bin Bella. It probably would wash out but it had dried so would take a while. I'll buy you some more."

"I'm sorry about the blood Edward I kinda forgot with all that was happening. Were you okay?"

"I was fine, your blood will always sing to me Bella but it doesn't bother me in a wanting to drink you way anymore. I've lived too long without you Bella and I cannot do that ever again. Anything that would take you away from me I naturally shy away from now. Does that explain it a little for you?"

"Yes Edward thank you for telling me. I was a little worried it had made you uncomfortable and I'd just continued to act like it was nothing. Thank you for everything, last night, this morning, changing the bed although you really didn't need to do that ye know I could have done it. Thank you for loving me, for giving yourself to me in that way. It was so perfect, even more perfect than I even imagined."

"For me too, I love you Bella."

He drops a small kiss onto the tip of my nose and says.

"You better get dressed or we'll never get out of here again."

He walks out of the room and leaves me to dress. He still finds it hard modern day living. All his Victorian principles telling him its impolite to stay in a room while his girlfriend gets dressed. Even if he's spent the last twelve hours in her bed making passionate love to her. I shake my head knowing I would never want to change him in anyway shape or form.

He drives me to work and drops me off with a lingering kiss.

"Something to remember me by." he says with a small sigh.

"Oh I've got plenty to remember you by every time I try to bend over or move quickly and anyway I don't need reminders Edward you are right here." I point to my heart.

The love in his eyes and all over his face will keep me going until he picks me up and nine. Slowly I make my way into the shop.

Shirley looks up as I enter.

"Hi Bella you okay love? Walking a bit tentatively there aren't you?"

"I'm good Shirl, just a bit too much exercise this weekend." I say laughing at my own description of last night and this mornings activities. She doesn't say anything more but I can tell from her eyes she's dying to ask.

Work is steady not as busy as it can be. Some students I think are staying at home studying as finals approach. Tom calls in for a meeting with his Mum. I'm relieved to see he is still friendly with me and seems to hold no hard feelings about my not wanting to date him. I join him for a coffee on my break.

Laughing and joking easily I don't notice when the door bell tinkles. More customers what's new in that. We talk about my study. How his new practice is going, he makes me laugh. He will I hope become a long term friend. My break over I head back to the other side of the counter. Shirley nudges me and motions with her eyes.

"Take a look at that Bella."

I follow her eyes and roll my eyes and just about stop a sigh escaping as I see Edward and Rose sitting at the table next to the door.

"Oh to be ten years younger I'll serve them you stay here and ogle from a distance." Shirley says

"Hi my name is Shirley what can I get you?"

"Two latte's one skinny please." Rose says with a smirk all over her beautiful face.

Of course Alice, Jazz and Emmett couldn't come with him. Shirley had met all of them and that would tell her this was Edward. He must have been spying on me and seen me sitting with Tom. Surely he wasn't jealous, not after last night. How did I deal with this. Did I approach them or ignore them, I was going to kill him later.

"I'd sure tap that Bella wouldn't you? Just look at that face and that hair. Looks like he's just got out of bed after a marathon session of hot steamy sex."

"He looks okay but Shirley I'm sure anyone that looks like that will either be hung like a insect or not have the first idea of what to do with it." See how he liked that.

Rose just about choked as she pretended to sip her skinny latte, our eyes met and she appeared to have some sort of new found respect in her eyes. Edward visibly stiffened at my words but did not turn around. They stayed a while longer and I was dying to see what they had both done with the liquid from their drinks.

When Edward approached the counter to pay I stepped up to serve him. Shirley watched stood slightly behind me her eyes devouring him as he walked slowly up to the counter.

I am able to scowl at him now as no one other than Rose is in our eye line. He hands over the money slowly making sure his hands touch mine. His index finger gently caresses the palm of my hand as I hand over his change. His eyes never leave mine. He is challenging me I know. His touch does wonderful things to me and he knows it. I hate that he has super senses and knows right now that my panties are wet through just because he touched my hand. Damn him, he's good.

As they turn to leave Shirley steps up.

"Have a nice day you two I must say you make a wonderful couple."

Rosalie is the one to respond.

"Oh we're not a couple he's my brother. He much prefers brunettes. Don't you." she says without saying his name, bringing Edward into the conversation.

"Yes I do, my girlfriend is a brunette."

"I haven't seen you around these parts before and certainly not in here. Are you new in town or just visiting?" Shirley pushes on

"We live not too far away but are really around just now because my girlfriend is studying at the university and I wanted to spend some time with her and support as she prepares for a her final exams." he looks like an angel as he hold himself shyly looking down at the floor.

"She's a lucky girl having someone care about her like that."

Rosalie snorts in disagreement but does not enlighten Shirley further.

"Thank you for the coffee. Bye." and they are gone.

I can breathe now. My phone vibrates against my thigh tucked into my trouser pocket. I sneak a peek.

**Sorry, I'll explain later. I didn't realise she would corner us. Love you x**

The rest of my shift goes by without incident. Shirley refers to Edward several times as '_the demi god_' telling all the staff about her flirt with the young man with sex hair. I shake my head wondering how I'll explain Edward to Shirley when I decide its time to make the introductions. I can only hope she sees the funny side of it.

He's waiting when I walk into the car park. Sat in his car, he doesn't get out. He knows I don't want him seen yet. His tinted windows come in rather handy some times. Getting in the car I look at him and wait for the explanation**.**

"I'm sorry truly, I just saw red when you were sat laughing and joking with him. I could read his mind Bella he's still hoping to change your mind. He still wants to date you. After last night I guess my emotions were still a bit too raw to have you sitting like that with another man. I'm jealous Bella I know you're not happy and you want to do things your way but you have to accept how I feel, I cannot help it. You are once again bringing out emotions in me that were long forgotten. God I never had any reason to be jealous before you but now its killing me."

He sounds tired, drained almost. I do not have the heart to be angry with him.

"Well I hope you got your just desserts. I'm sure you won't be back for a latte again. By the way what do you do with the coffee anyway?"

He laughs as we drive home. In bed that night he tries to refuse me. His resistance lasted for about ten minutes before I was able to persuade him that I really was okay and I really really did need him.

Our love making is slow it has to be. I am sore and my pubic bone and hip bones are bruised I am sure from the delicious pounding they have received of late. His coldness helps it seems to soothe before it drives me crazy. Will I ever get enough of him?

Sleep takes over soon after we are finished, I don't even get to have the post coital cuddle and talk tonight I just crash.

The weeks fly by and Edward and I are pretty much settled into a nice routine. I go to Uni and work he takes me and picks me up. On Friday's I go out with the girls and Alice or Emmett comes with us. We laugh and drink and dance and Edward is always waiting for me at home usually in bed naked the way I like him best.

The soreness and aches soon went away. Now we make love at every opportunity. Inside, outside, in his car, in my car, in the shower. He is always willing and always more than able. Another plus side of being a vampire . Our love for each other just seems to grow and grow. The physical side of our relationship has enhanced our awareness of each other and further consolidated our commitment to being together.

My time is about up. I have always known that Edward and I would be together. I'd made up for my missed later teenage years. It was never about me not really I was testing him. It was about if he could resist leaving again. He has, I know he won't leave me again. It's time to go public.

"Edward I want you to come to the club tonight. It's time for you to be introduced properly."

"Really?"

"Yes really." I say kissing him on his nose.

The grin I am rewarded with makes all my worries about this fly out of the swings me in his arms and laughs louder than I have heard for a while.

I dress carefully tonight. My dress is a dark midnight blue. A colour I know Edward loves against my porcelain white skin. It's a typical little black number only blue. Sleeveless with a deep V at the front and back and stops just above the knee. It's the sort of dress that says many things on may different occasions. I even dare match it with high matching peep toes shoes. I am more than pleased with the overall look.

Shirley raises an eyebrow as I join her back in the shop.

"Are you hunting tonight Bella?"

"No why?"

"Well girly that dress sure does say come and get me boys."

She says with a laugh.

"Is it too much? Should I find something else?" I say worried now.

"No you look amazing, it's just not what I'm used to seeing you in Bella you are usually more demure**. **It's not indecent or anything but it definitely shows you off in all the right places."

I'm really worried now that Edward will go mad. Surely he'll be okay as tonight is the night I'll be leaving with him. Kayla, Julia and two other girls Sue and Jane are meeting us a The Hour Glass. I wasn't sure about Sue ans Jane they were a bit too catty for my liking. They preyed on unsuspecting guys and used and abused them from what I'd heard. I hoped they behaved tonight.

"Come on girl we'll not get a good table if you keep standing there." Shirley said.

At the club the others were already there and three large jugs of alcohol sat in the middle of the table. One of sangria, one of beer and the other looked like some sort of cocktail. As I take a seat Julia motions me with her eyes to the bar area. He's already here and stood watching. He looks good enough to eat.

"I've got first dibs on that hunk at the bar." Jane says.

Those of us who need to turn around and stare at him. I keep up the pretense for now. Julia and Kayla both smirk but do not let on. They know he's here for me.

"Hey I've seen him before, look Bella it's the _demi god_ that came into the shop with his sister ye know the one that prefers brunettes."

Jane visible cringes she's blond naturally. Sue is darker still not brunette more a dirty blond come brown. She perks up hearing this and pays more attention to the handsome man at the bar.

"Hmmm I think he'll do for starters" she says

We drink and laugh and dance. He does not approach. His eyes never leave me although he is subtle in doing so. No men approach us tonight**. **I don't know if our numbers are too intimidating or if the company tonight has a reputation. Julia nudges me as I dance and I follow her gaze. Sue has wondered off in Edward's direction. The smirk on his face tells me he's amused.

She dances around him, shoving her ass into him. He doesn't move, when her hand snakes up to his face he stops her from touching him. I know its because he does not want her to feel how cold and hard he is as well as he does not want another woman touching him. She doesn't take the hint and sits down on a bar stool next to him. He doesn't offer to buy her a drink. His face changes a little, tension now clear. She must be having some pretty nasty thoughts to make him react like this. He can usually just ignore it. Poor Edward.

"Someone needs to rescue him." Shirley decides.

He does look almost relieved when Shirley drags him onto the dance floor. I notice he didn't mind her touching him. She is drunk and he knows it won't have registered with her.

Back at our table I watch, their interaction is funny to watch. Several times he has to steady her so she doesn't fall. She is flirting outrageously with him and he seems to be lapping it up. Of course he knows she madly in love with Derek and just being nice to him. He moves back to the bar, Sue has moved on to her next victim.

"Bella that guy is so nice and even more good looking close up. I wonder where his girlfriend is tonight?" she asks.

I don't answer her, I'm wondering when he's going to come over and ask me dance. When I look for him he's gone, I know he won't be far.

Suddenly he's in front of the table. All five of us left at the table look up as he speaks.

"Ladies, would it be alright if I borrowed this young lady for a dance?" nodding his head towards me.

Kayla and Julia giggle. Jane looks at me with daggers and Shirley says

"Fill your boots Bella, go on girl." she pushes me out of my seat and towards him.

He catches me and holds my arm leading us to the dance floor. All eyes are on us. I know I'll stumble or fall I also know he'll catch me if I do.

"I thought you were never going to come over Edward" I say with a small sigh.

"I enjoy watching you with your friend love. I was enjoying the view."

"Hmm... what was Sue thinking that had you all het up?"

"I'd prefer if you weren't friends with her Bella she is not a nice person. Jane too I think both of them quite sick in the head. Please for me?"

"They only tagged along tonight because they had nothing better to do. They aren't part of our usual friendship group you have no need to worry."

"Good."

The music changes and he escorts me back to our table. He lets it be known he'll be back a bit later for another dance. I reluctantly let go of his hand. As he walks away Shirley says quietly to me

"Bella the way he was looking at you, the way you just looked at him. Is there something I should know about here?"

With a sigh and knowing its time I decide to tell her.

"Shirley, that's Edward. My Edward. We are back together again and I promised I'd introduce you as soon as we'd decided. Well I erm we decided tonight to go public. Please don't be upset about when he came into the coffee shop. He surprised me too that day. And yes that was his sister Rose she's going out with my brother Emmett you remember him?"

Poor Shirley she looks stunned. I wave him over as Julia, Kayla and Jane head out to the dance floor.

"Edward I'd like to introduce you properly to Shirley my friend from work. Shirley Edward Cullen."

He sits next to me and places an arm around my waist.

"Sorry Shirley, we didn't mean to intentionally mislead you. Things have been so up in the air for both of us for a while and we didn't want to get peoples hopes up if it all came to nothing. When my sister and I came into the shop I just wanted to see how Bella would react to me."

More drinks flowed and we all chatted and laughed. Even Jane got over her initial resentment and joined in. Sue was no where to be seen. At the end of the night Edward made sure everyone got home safely before taking us home.

"You look amazing love, I could hardly keep away from you all night. That dress is like wow."

"Thank you. I wore it for you. Only you."

The next morning dawns clear and bright, we won't be gong out yet. We'd agreed to go over to see the family and tell them our news. We'd also agreed that I'd speak to Charlie and tell him our decision too. A trip to Forks looked likely in the not too distant future. Edward laughed at my reaction to that possibility.

It was twilight before we were able to go out. The sun had shone all day. I'd laid and watched my Edward sparkle as he laid at the side of me naked. Now heading towards Alice and Jasper's I felt relieved that all the waiting, all the drama and tension was over. I know it was me I was the one who wanted time, I wanted to experience what I should have earlier. I did too I got drunk and Edward put me to bed, I puked and Edward held my hair back, I fell over and Edward picked me up, I cried and Edward held me and made me feel better. Edward was always there for me. I had new friends now Shirley, Julia, Kayla and Tom plus my other work colleagues they weren't going anywhere and Edward was okay with that.

The whole family were waiting. They looked nervous though I'm sure Alice knew already what our news was going to be. Surely they knew after spending nearly every moment together for the last couple of months there could only ever be one conclusion. Surely they knew that once Edward had given in to my baser animal instincts and we'd had sex that he would never let me go. Surely they knew how much I loved him and how I could never let him go.

We were both pulled into waiting arms. Eyes expectant, I looked at Edward and nodded.

"As Alice knows Bella and I have been working on our relationship over the last few weeks and now we've decided to be together is what we both want and need. We're back together and want everyone to know and celebrate with us. We went public last night at The Hour Glass and we couldn't be happier." Edward said.

I was swamped in a sea of hard arms and voices. Edward took a step back for a moment and let his family enjoy what they had missed out on for the last few years.

Alice pulled me upstairs to her room to talk some more.

"You do know the delay was never really about him don't you? It was more me and not just falling back into his open arms. We girls do need to show some semblance of control every now and again and I really did want to go out more and experience new things. Not boys or men although that helped re confirm to me that Edward was the one. I just needed to be Bella again after all those years closed off to the possibility of any and everything.

"I know Bella I know. You have made him very very happy. The light is back in his eyes. He's laughing with us all more. How on earth you managed to get him to sleep with you I have yet to work out but he's even deliriously happy about that too. You'll have to spill the details eventually you know."

"Never Alice, believe me you don't want to know just how good your brother is in bed." I say with a laugh.

Her eyes roll and she mutters something my human ears can't pick up. The door flies open and my handsome boyfriend walks in.

"Some things Alice sister dear are not for your ears. What happens between Bella and I in the bedroom or wherever stays between us. Understand that? For years I've had to listen to all of you participating in various sexual activities. There is no way that I am letting Bella be subjected to your questioning."

I'm glad to see his eyes aren't serious but he's letting her know we want some privacy. He knows its important to me. I walk to his side and tangle my fingers with his. He pulls me downstairs and hands me the phone.

"Now for something entirely more difficult."

_**Hope you are still liking it. Realise this chapter was a bit of a filler. There has to be one per story I suppose.**_

_**Don't forget to PM me if you want to talk.**_

_**I'd love some idea's for my sequel to A Reason to Stay. Let me have your thoughts**__._


	8. Chapter 8

**I've Moved On Or Have I?**

**Chapter 8**

_As usual my grateful thanks go to SM who owns all that is Twilight_.

Now I'm not one to moan but the lack of reviews for the chapters is getting a bit repetitive. Lots of people are reading according to the count hits for the last chapter are 79 so far and 2 reviews so come on ye need to drop me a line good or bad. Let me have it right between the chops... pretty please.

Big kisses to my faithful reviewers. You make my day brighter and the long nights staying up writing worthwhile.

**BPOV**

When Edward passed me the phone to ring Charlie I froze. It must have been a good ten minutes before he finally nudged me gently to bring me back into the here and now. I continued to stare at the cordless handset he had handed to me.

How the hell did I do this? Okay, breathe, I could do this, all I had to do was call him and arrange for Edward and I to come for a weekend visit soon. The Cullen's had retained the house in the woods on the outskirts of Forks by the Sol Duc river. When they left they had closed up the shutters and left everything else intact. Edward could stay there, I could stay there with him. Yeah right like Charlie would allow me to do that. Even though I'm a fully fledged grown up now I know he will never condone me staying with Edward. Of course he knows Edward stays with me in Portland but that's my place and Charlie cannot do anything about that. Back in Forks its his territory, he's the law and he is allowed to carry a gun.

I squirm some more before agreeing to make the call but arranging the weekend for in a few weeks time. I need time to prepare for this and also get used to the fact that Edward and I are together again. I also really want to get used to our new physical relationship. Yeah I really want to get used to that. It might take a lot more practice but I'm sure we'll get there in the end. They do say practice makes perfect.

"Bella! You really are quite the little vixen aren't you." Alice says giggling into Jasper's side at my outrageous thoughts.

"Shut up Alice." I shout not wanting to draw anyone else's attention to the fact that I was thinking very X rated thoughts about Edward.

When his arms pull me into him and he nuzzles into my neck I can feel that smile on his lips. Bloody hell he's read her mind and now he knows I've been perving over him again.

"Want to make that call love?" he says kissing me seductively on my neck.

"Maybe later." I say grinding myself closer to him.

"Bella just do it already, then we can go home and make some of those thoughts of yours a reality."

I'm too shocked to speak, I gawp at him stunned that my Edward would even voice something like that out loud.

I find my fingers dialing the familiar number without me even realising. I hope and pray he isn't in but as usual I'm all out of luck when my Dad picks up on the third ring.

"Charlie Swan here."

"Hi Dad it's me. How are you? Can you talk for a minute?"

"Bells baby I'm good how about you? Course I can talk not working till tonight. What's up baby girl?"

"Nothing is wrong Dad, you said I had to call when Edward and I had something to tell you. Well now we do have something to tell you and we'd like to do it in person so we can talk about it together calmly. We can't get there for a couple of weeks though is that okay?"

"So you're back on with him then?"

"Yes Dad we are back together but we'd like to talk about the details in person if that is okay with you. We both now you are not thrilled with this Dad but please just hear us out okay?"

Okay Bella I'll listen. He's not staying here when you come. Not under my roof, I know his folks still have their old house he will have to stay there. There will be no relations of that sort under my roof Isabella Swan until you are married no matter how old you are."

Edward takes the phone from me and speaks in his usual cool calm sexy voice.

"I wouldn't have it any other way Chief. I fully respect your wishes and more than respect Bella. I'll be glad to stay at the old house whilst we are there. I look forward to seeing you again after all this time."

There was a silence then while Edward obviously listened to what my Dad had to say.

"Of course Chief, good bye. I'll pass you back to Bella now."

After agreeing to drive up to Forks in three weeks time I hang up and put my head back into Edward's chest.

"What have we just agreed to? Silly vampire morals."

"It will be good for him to see how far we have come Bella, how we have both changed and still want to be together. It will also be good for him to see just how much I love you still. Not that that will ever change of course."

Gathering my stuff together we head off back to my apartment. The drive back is spent singing along to a variety of songs Edward has on his ipod and played through the car speaker system. As usual Edward is word perfect and has the gaul to laugh at me when I prove to be both out of tune and have no clue about the words.

"Don't look for a job in the entertainment industry love." he says laughing at me.

When I slap his leg its me that's hurt not him. When he pulls my palm to his cold face it eases the sting of my slap and makes me sigh. Just touching him does that to me. I know I am an absolute push over where Edward Cullen is concerned. I could touch Edward all day every day, when we are in contact with each other everything just seems perfect. All my troubles and worries float away and I become a sap. Gone is the sure, strong Bella that I become over the last four years. I now had a determined mind and had prior to Edward's reappearance built a brick wall around my heart. I resolve not to lose myself in him again, I need to be strong I need to be me.

Pulling up outside my block he opens my door before I even really take in that he is out of the car. Ever the gentleman he helps me out of the car and hold my hand as we walk in. His eyes never leave me. He's trying to get a read on what I'm thinking about, his only clue my facial expression.

"Are you okay Bella?, your hand is not badly hurt is it?"

"No Edward my hand is fine. I'm just being a little silly, worrying about losing my identity again, ye know getting sucked back in to it all being about you."

"Bella, I don't want that, you know that. I respect that you have interests outside me now. I think its healthy, you have become a strong independent woman and I think it makes me love you even more. It certainly adds something, that air of confidence. I find it incredibly sexy Bella. I think this time you are the one with all the power in our relationship. I hope that is okay? if I am now a slave to your every whim?"

"Really Edward? so you're saying I have complete control over you , you are mine to do what I will?"

He gets my drift and pulls me to him for a breathtaking kiss. Our lips don't leave each others as I try to unlock the apartment door. From a passing car someone shouts 'get a room' and speeds off honking their horn. There would have been a day not too long ago when I'd have died if someone caught me making out with my boyfriend in private never mind in public. With Edward it's different, I'm different. I do what I feel I cannot control it, it just happens. It all feels so natural with him. I'm natural with him being around him and with him is so easy I love him.

Once inside I am up against the now closed door and Edward is kissing me with a passion that scares me a little. I love it, he used to kiss me like I'd break now he seemed to not care if he loses control. It was like he knew he would not or could not hurt me. His loss of control was never about that it was only about Edward losing control of his long forgotten emotions and his teenage hormones. He couldn't get enough of me, he couldn't get close enough.

I knew he would never bite me. He'd said it before he couldn't live in a world where I didn't exist. Even now when he was at his most passionate, free, he was I knew above all else in complete control of his vampiric side.

My legs wrap around his waist and he continues to attack my lips and neck. He is supporting me up against the door and grinding hard into my now aching core. If he ripped my clothes off now and took me right here I wouldn't care, I'd welcome it. In fact to be honest I really wished he would now with his lips on mine I really wished he would take advantage of our current situation show me just how much he wanted me.

"Edward oh god Edward, please baby please I need you. Oh yes right there, harder please ohhhhhhhhhhhhh"

He'd thrust his solid erection at me, the sensation it caused brought me to the edge instantly. I needed him now like right now. I struggled to pull at his shirt and jeans, he wasn't helping any. Now too lost in his own passion, his lips blazing hot trails down my neck and lower. My blouse ripped open with the flick of his hand. One hand still supporting me the other now caressing up and down my side, along my torso and onto my throbbing breasts. Intermittent growls escape from him as he loses even more of himself in me. I love it.

"Edward, please help me take your clothes off." When my hands touch each side of his face he seems to come out of his love trance and look straight at me.

"Love Bella I'm so sorry, did I hurt you?" His face now racked with concern.

He let me slip my legs down from his waist to the floor the worried look still written all over his gorgeous face.

"Hey I'm good" I say making him look at me. " better than good actually. I want you Edward I just need you to help me get your clothes off. I mean I can do it now with my feet back on the ground. I just couldn't do it with you ravishing me up against the door. Shall we take this some place more comfortable?"

"Yes please love, I need you as much as you need me. You seem to have awakened some sort of sexual monster when we first made love. I need you like this every minute I'm with you. I'm sorry."

"Never be sorry about that Edward. It thrills me that you want it as much as do."

"Not it Bella ,I want you and only you."

"Yeah well that goes for me too. It just refers to making love with you silly."

I grab his hand and walk him as fast as I can into the bedroom. I shed my now ruined blouse on the way. He has his shirt off and jeans undone when I turn to face him.

I know he can see the pure lust for him in my eyes. I hope he knows its borne out of my love for him. His eyes are dark almost black and heavy too with lust. I know he is not thirsty, he's been feeding daily so that his control stays strong. He too has lust in his now black eyes.

Pulling him closer I devour him with my eyes. The ache inside me throbs with pure need for him. Our relationship may be different this time around but the way I need him, the way I want him is exactly the same as before only now maybe even more so. Now that I have tasted a little well a lot really of what loving Edward is like I cannot get enough. I worried for a long time that I would never get this opportunity that if I did I would not be enough for him. I knew through speaking to Alice and Emmett that vampires have an insatiable appetite for sex once they have experienced it. I hated to think that Edward was being left un satisfied because I was a feeble human being.

Touching his cold cheeks I make him look at me.

"Can I ask you something? Will you tell me the truth?"

"Of course love, always" he says dropping tiny kisses along my jaw line.

"Am I enough for you physically? Now your sexual nature has been awakened can I ever be enough for you?"

"Love, without you I cannot exist. Yes, we did have sex but to me it was so much more than that Bella, we made love, we expressed what we feel for each other physically and while I agree it would easier if you were a vampire it would only be because then you wouldn't need to sleep and we could make love all night long. Yes I do have to be extra careful with you but I do that all day every day anyway in all things. Making love with you now is perfect in every way I promise you."

He moves my hand over his now rock hard erection. It was a bold thing to do for Edward, I know he wants me to understand how I make him feel. I do, believe me I do, I feel exactly the same. I wasn't worried about that, it was more the restraint he had to keep, could he ever really enjoy our love making when he had to hold back so much.

"I know you want me Edward, that is not what I mean. I know you have to stay in control all the time we are together especially when we are intimate. Not only incase you bite me but because of how strong you are. You're afraid you'll hurt me so you hold back. How can we ever be truly free together if you have to do that? Tell me?"

"Even if I do hold back Bella what I feel when we make love is so much more than I ever hoped to feel. It is more than enough Bella believe me I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you and I want to continue to show you just how much in every possible. Do you want me to show you now?"

"Edward you could have it all, me in every way you've dreamed, me forever by your side. Everything, if you changed me."

It had been years since I had raised this particular subject. I dare not look at him. I felt the change in him as soon as I'd finished the last word. Now he took a step back. His whole posture now stiff and formal.

"No... never."

"Why not? your previous reasons don't stand anymore Edward. I've experienced human life, I've finished school, graduated all the things you wanted me to do. I've even tried to date other men Edward remember as I recall you didn't like that too much."

"I could never end your life Bella, I love you too much."

"It would not be ending my life though would it Edward? It would give us the chance to be together forever. Or is that what you don't want. You have a get out clause whilst I'm human don't you? You don't want me forever just for a while."

Angry now he says

"Bella stop talking rubbish, you know I love you and want you always but not this way."

"There is no other way we can be together forever Edward you know that. As a human I'm aging and eventually through old age, illness or an accident I will die. It's a fact. You have the power to do something about that. "

Tears are now pooling in my eyes. I know he knows I'm getting upset he can hear it in the changed tone of my voice.

"Bella please, can we not do this? We have only just found each other again. Do you not want to enjoy this time together? I will not have this conversation with you again Bella it's not an option."

Heartbroken I nod and say quietly

"Okay Edward, do you mind if I ask you go home tonight? The conversation has drained me a little and I just want to sleep on my own and think a little."

"You want me to leave?... He asked shock clearly obvious in his voice. "Are we going to be okay Bella?"

"Just go for tonight Edward, I need to get my head around no forever with you. I'll be okay once I've thought it through I'm sure. I love you Edward and want to be with you forever. It hurts a lot that you don't want the same."

"I do, god Bella you know that I do but not like this."

"Goodnight Edward, I'll talk to you tomorrow." I stand at the now open door.

With a small kiss on the top of my head he is gone. He looks as sad as I feel. With the door closed I drop to my knees and open the flood gates. How long I am on the floor sobbing I don't know. We had always argued over this particular point even back in Forks. I guess saying you want to be with someone is different to actually doing something about it. With Edward I had the chance to live the real deal. Be with my soul mate forever. It hurt like hell that he had the power to make it happen but chose not to. It was hard to believe all the reasons he gave me. To me it came down to him not really wanting forever with me.

I eventually pull myself up and drag myself to bed its three am so much for getting a good nights sleep. I must drift off at some point, when I wake up I feel like absolute shit. My eyes won't open properly and my head is throbbing. Its quite scary what looks back at me from the bathroom mirror. Swollen eyes, red and sore, pale skin all blotchy with all the crying. A really attrractive look I think to myself.

Alice is sat on my sofa flicking through a magazine when I walk into the lounge. She'll already know what occurred last night and I'm sure has come to console me.

"He's an idiot Bella you know that right?" she says looking up at me casually.

"I don't want to talk it Alice if that's why you are here."

"Good god Bella what did you do after you left our place you look a bit more than rough."

"Thanks for that Alice."

"Bella I can see you spent most of the night crying, don't worry so did he when Em and I had finished with him he was regretting coming home."

"Alice he cannot help how he feels."

"What? You really don't believe he does not want you forever do you? He adores you, you are his whole reason for living. He's just a stubborn pig, old fashioned beyond belief but its not because he doesn't want to be with you forever Bella you must know that."

"Leave it Alice. Its done I'll not mention it again. We will try to move past this for now. Although it will be hard. We'd made so much progress. I'll need to be strong around him knowing its got a end date."

The door flew open banging hard onto the wall and he strode in. His hands raking through his glorious hair. He looks like I feel.

"No Bella No..., you cannot believe what you are saying. I love you more than anything. I just can't put you through that. It would kill me Bella. I would give anything to be human again for you Bella, to be able to give you my whole love, marriage, children, a future with us growing old together. I'd do it in a flash for you if it were possible. Please don't pull away from me now not after all that we've shared and how far we have come. I love you Bella please just let me love you."

He drops to his knees dry sobs escape from his mouth. Alice looks about ready to cry. Me I'm torn, one part of me wants to go to him and comfort him in my arms tell him it will be alright. The other wants me to walk away from him and let him suffer like I am once again. I do neither I just walk into my bedroom and close the door. I refuse to let him see me cry. Silent tears drip down my cheeks. I sit quietly on my bed and rock to and fro.

When I finally decide to venture out they are both gone. On the middle of the table a note in his elegant script.

_I love you so much_

_I'm sorry_

He was gone again and I was lost. Was this the end again? Had we thrown away another chance at happiness?

**Sorry about the sort of cliffy. Couldn't just get on with a Charlie visit chapter without more angst.**

The more reviews I get the quicker I'll post the next chapter. It's up to you guys...


	9. Chapter 9

**I've Moved On Or Have I?**

**Chapter 9**

************************multiple lemon warning. Anyone under the age of 18 please move along.*******************

Thanks as per usual to SM who owns all that is my obsession Twilight.

**_Thanks for the reviews guys. Please less of the dissing the lovely Edward, I agree he is extremely frustrating but hey he loves her and I'm sure we'd all like a guy just like him to care about us like that. Especially now he's putting out. _**

Two updates in two days. Gosh I am good to you lot. I didn't want to plug the creative juices when they just kept flowing. Lol... I hope you enjoy.

Reviews please... or PM me with idea's or chat.

**EPOV**

How the fuck did this happen one minute we were about to make love the next _**Boom**_. Why did she have to ask that particular question, why now when things were going so well. I mean I'd given so much. I'd given in to my more carnal desires and made love to her, I'd enjoyed every second of every occasion and it was so much more than I ever thought I'd be able to give her. Now she had to ask or even more. What she wanted was just too hard to even comprehend. I could not sit by and watch the woman I loved, adored, become a monster. Take away all her soft human nature and let her suffer so much pain for three whole days. It was the one thing I remembered clearly the pain, the intense burning. I'd also witnessed three other people I care about go through that and I could not put my Bella through that no matter how she pleaded.

At the house Alice knew why I was home, she wasn't best pleased with me. Em too was waiting ready with his harsh tongue.

"Are you a complete fucking idiot Edward or what?" he berated me. "You only just got her back and now you throw her away like a used up rag."

"Butt out Em, you don't know what I'm going through here. She sent me away, can you believe that she actually asked me to leave?"

"Yeah well if it'd been me Edward I'd have kicked your arse well and good." Alice chipped in.

I try to leave the room but Em blocks my way. I do not have the energy to fight with him physically. He makes me sit down and face the music.

Hour after hour they shout and punch me, call me all the names under the sun. Are they right? Am I being foolish denying Bella what she truly wants and me my love for the rest of eternity? Am I putting my relationship with Bella at risk over my fears of what she will become and the transformation process? Yes I am.

With my head in my hands I listen. I have never heard Emmett speak so vehemently about anything. That he loved Bella I had no doubt but just how much he loved her shocked me. He wanted her in his life, she was his baby sister. He felt protective of her and wanted her around always. Emmett had never really bonded with anyone outside the family before. He had always remained aloof and distant with the other clans we called friends. Polite always but distant. With Bella he was different she had gotten under his cold hard skin as much as she had mine but in a totally different way.

"Em why does it matter so much to you, she's my soul mate?"

"I don't know Edward all I know is she's great I feel a real kinship with her. Like we're really related and its my job to look out for her. Don't get me wrong bro I don't feel like you do about her its totally different but I care about her and what happens to her a lot. You two being back together seemed just right and now you pulling this holier than thou shit is going to have her all upset again and I can't let that happen Edward. You need to sort it out now."

"How do I do that? Em when she won't listen, she thinks I don't want her for eternity, like that could ever be the case. It's only about the pain she'll be in and what she will become I can't bare it, it will kill me to see her suffer like that for three whole days and what if she hates being a vampire and blames me and leaves me anyway. I want it and her more than I ever thought possible Em even more so now after experiencing the physical side of our relationship but I just can't do that to her, I really can't and I won't allow Carlisle to do it either. It's just not right taking her away from her real life."

"You need to tell her how you feel Edward, really tell her, bare your whole soul. She just got you back, your relationship has just moved to another level and now you refuse her what she desires the most. A lifetime with you." Alice says quietly now seeming to understand how much I am struggling.

When Alice's arms wrap around me I hope the worst is over. When Rose and Jazz come in the room I realise its just about begun. I listen over and over to harsh words

"Fool"

"Imbecile"

"Idiot"

"Moron"

"Selfish bastard"

"You don't deserve her"

I had to do a double take when Rose said that to me. Since when has she been on Bella's side? I know I don't deserve Bella I've known this since the I first met back in Forks High School.

Alice left the room and told me silently she was going to check on Bella. She'd use her copy key and wait until Bella was up. She told me not to come until she had talked to her. I paced back and forth wearing a path in Alice's hardwood floors.

When dawn eventually broke I headed out to hunt refusing the offer of company from my brothers. I needed to be alone to think. Could I rationalise what Bella was asking of me? I run for miles, the cool air helping me calm down, it helps me think running. It is one of my very favourite things to do. About ten miles out I stop and climb the nearest tree. High in the canopy I sit and ponder what to do.

Can I do as she asks...No its too much. What about Charlie? What about her new friends? She hasn't thought this through properly. In her desire to be with me forever she had forgotten all about her real life. Had she not told me just earlier last night that she did not want to lose her identity again. Did she really want to be what I am? a cold hard monster, a killer. No I'm sure after a good nights sleep she will be more rational and we'll be able to discuss it calmly and she will see all my reasons for saying no are genuine. She'll understand I'm sure, she has to. I cannot lose her again. I would not lose my whole reason for staying alive if that is what I am ever again. I won't run this time I'll stay and fight for her and for our love.

After a good but un fulfilling meal I head back. I hear Alice loud and clear as I approach town. Bella is up and about and non too happy this morning. As I skirt the apartment block I'm shocked to my very core when I hear what Bella actually thinks are my reasons for saying no. I never really believed that she thought that I didn't want her forever but she really does. She thinks I'm looking for an out. How wrong can she be. Unable to stop myself I head on up to confront her.

Alice has left the door unlocked I open it much too aggressively and it slams into the adjoining wall with a loud thud. Torment pulses through me and I rake my hands through my hair trying to stop the ringing in my head. She and Alice turn to face me shocked at my sudden appearance.

She looks terrible so much for a good nights sleep. When I tell her she is wrong, that I love her more than anything but I just can't put her through that, do that to her. When I tell her I'd do anything to be human for her stay with her until the end of our time grow old together. Get married have a family. I just want to love her. She just stares at me I can see she does not believe me.

Her eyes never leave me but they hold in them something that petrifies me. I do see something flash across her eyes for just for a brief second when I fall to my knees in agony. Then it is gone. The cool restrained Bella is back she does not want to show us any of her emotions and when she walks passed me into the bedroom and closes the door I know we are in real trouble.

"Come on Edward lets get you up and home." Alice says offering me a helping hand.

Reluctantly I let her pull me up. Her arms give me support and a little comfort. My eyes are drawn to the now closed bedroom door, I can just about hear her crying. She is trying to not let me know how much she is affected by all this. Silently Alice tells me its best to go for now let things calm down come back later maybe when we've both had time to adjust, rest up and think rationally.

I cannot leave without letting her know how I feel. Grabbing a notepad from the desk I tear out a piece of paper and write

_I love you so much_

_I'm sorry_

I could write a whole page and still it would not be enough. This would have to do for now. I hope it is. Another huge sob escapes me as we walk out of the Bella's door.

**BPOV**

I had to be at work in under an hour. I still looked scary. I would be in big trouble if I scared away the cafe's customers. As I finish getting ready a knock on my door sends me into rabbit in the headlights mode. My breathing is shallow and my head is spinning surely he won't be back so soon.

Slowly I open the door. As I do I see my pseudo brother Emmett on the other side. I am not up to his pranks today. When he suddenly pulls me into his cold strong arms I burst into tears.

"Sssh Bells sssh, I'm here now. Emmett will make everything okay I promise."

I could not stop myself from giggling a little. What surprised me even more is behind Emmett stood Rosalie and I hadn't even noticed.

"Oh! Come in both of you" I say untangling myself from his arms and wiping my tears on my sleeve. I have thirty minutes before I need to set off.

"Alice has called in sick for you Bella. You don't need to go in today." Rosalie says quietly.

He drags me to the sofa and sits me down. They takes seats at either side of me. I'm the meat in the middle of a vampire sandwich.

"We gave him hell last night Bella but when he came back this morning with Alice well it was like seeing him when we left you before. He looked empty, emotionless. What happened Bella?"

"He said he'd love to be human for me so we could get married and have kids and grow old together. He said he'd do it if it were at all possible. See he'd do that willingly Em but he won't change me he won't willingly keep me forever." another sob rose from deep in my chest.

"Bella its not that and you know that. God the whole world knows how he feels about you. If you listened to him Bella really listened to him you'd hear that he's scared of you being in pain during the transformation process and resenting him after you become what he sees himself as ' a monster'. He does not want to be the one to make you suffer. He's scared you'll hate our life and leave him for it later." Rosalie tells me.

I make a humph noise at how stupid it sounds.

"Is it not my choice if I want to suffer, why does he see you as monsters? You are all the most caring gentle people I have ever met. You all suffer so much to suppress you true vampire nature. I do not consider that to be the actions of a monster. Anyway is it not a small price to pay for what I get in return? Can he not see that it is all I want?"

"We can all see it Bella but Edward is not like most. He has always been one to suffer more than the rest of us. He has watched Esme, Emmett and myself transform and believe me it is agony and you just want to die, anything for it to stop. Edward does not want you to suffer that sort of pain because of him. He does not want to take you away from your family and friends either. It wouldn't be an option Bella we'd have to move away to somewhere solitary so that your newborn vampire nature did as little damage as possible. It would be at least a year maybe longer before you could be around humans again. How do you explain your absence to Charlie? How do you explain how different you look and when he asks why you look no older?"

I'd never considered it from this pont of view before. I knew from old that there was little love lost between Edward and Rosalie. They tolerated each other and that was an exaggeration. For her to be here now telling me this it must be true.

" So he really does love me and want me forever he's just scared and worried I'll blame him for my suffering?"

"Exactly." Emmett says pulling me into his arms again. "We had to come Bella you can't throw it all away again on another misunderstanding. Not one of us could cope this time and I know my brother will die without you this time."

"He's right Bella, now your relationship has progressed Edward would never be able to cope without you. Last time he was a mess even I felt sorry for him. This time I know he won't survive losing you Bella and we can't stand to lose you either. Somehow you have become an integral part of our lives and it would hurt us all to have to live without you again."

"Wow, I can't believe you guys would come and talk to me like this. Thank you."

"If we promise to keep him and Alice away for a few days will you promise to think about what we've said? Emmett says sounding happier than he had when they first arrived.

"Okay I'll consider everything you've said on the condition you send him here on Thursday at ten a.m sharp. That gives me two days to think about all you've said as well as get back into some kind of routine. Thursday is my free day we have all day to thrash things out."

I'm hugged to within an inch of my life when they go. Emmett's parting comment earns hm a slap from Rosalie and I have to laugh.

"Love you Bella"

I'm actually laughing too as close the door. Exhausted beyond belief I decide as I'm free for the rest of the day a long hot bath is just what I need.

Relaxed and tired I dress in my PJ's. after eating I intend to have an early night. My mobile phone buzzing startles me. When I see who the message is from my heart soars.

**Miss you**

**I'll be thinking about you the whole time we're not together**

**I will be there at 10 on Thursday.**

**I love you I want you always Bella, please believe me.**

**XXX **

I shouldn't reply but I do because ignoring him won't help heal our current rift and it really is agony without him..

**Miss you 2**

**I love you 2 and want to be with u 4ever. Please believe me Edward.**

When I press send I know I have done the right thing. Hugging the phone to my chest I chuckle when it buzzes again. A photo message this time makes me smile. It shows only a pair of lips puckered in a kiss. I would recognise those lips anywhere.

Sleep over takes me the second my head hits the pillow. I wake up the next morning refreshed and raring to go. A full day studying keeps my mind off a certain Cullen. At home later it does not surprise me that I receive another text message.

**You look better today.**

**Sorry I couldn't stay away.**

**I'll go now you're home safe**

**I love you**

With a shake of my head I respond a little too eagerly.

**Hmmm**

**y does that not surprise me?**

**I miss your lips thanx 4 he pic**

**I look forward to kissing them soon**

**love u 2**

God I missed him, I did miss his lips, his hands his tongue, his smile his voice all of him. We would sort this out what ever it took.

I'd spoken to Shirley and told her a little white lie about yesterday. I hoped she believed me. I vowed to make it up to them. Work on Wednesday was crazy I was in the back baking and I couldn't bake fast enough to meet demand. The whole staff were thrilled that our new and improved selection of cookies and cakes we so well received. We received pre orders and bulk booking for parties and the like. Things were really taking off for the little coffee shop come cafe.

After my shift ended I went home eager to prepare for Edward's visit in the morning. I'd chosen Thursday my free day so we could have the whole day together to talk and do what ever we liked.

As I climbed into bed my mobile phone chirped and a wry smile crossed my lips.

**This time tomorrow I hope I'm climbing into bed with you**

**sorry if that is presumptuous but its true**

**god I miss u Bella**

**I love u so very much it hurts.**

My reply to him tonight is simple.

**I hope so too.**

**I need you so much right now.**

**C u 2moro. Don't b l8 lol**

**love u x**

I swear I could hear him squeal in delight at my words. It wouldn't surprise me that he was outside. He knew I was going to bed and I knew he couldn't read my mind.

After another night of blissful Edward dreams I wake up happy and alert at eight. I fly out of bed wanting to be ready when Edward comes. I spent ages in the shower I waxed and buffed my body to within an inch of its life. Finally satisfied I felt smooth all over I dress carefully. I didn't want to appear too brazen but I wanted to tempt him. I decided on a casual but ever so sexy midnight blue dress, it was easy to wear and fitted me like a glove. The plunging neckline would drive Edward mad and it was short enough to show off a good proportion of my now silky smooth legs. It gave me a little more confidence. God he fancied me in raggy old sweats and hoodies surely this dress would get a reaction.

His knock at precisely ten did not surprise me. When I opened the door he stood holding out a posy of wild flowers. All my favourites, he too looked good enough to eat. I could not stop my eyes eagerly undressing him as I invited him in. He cautiously took hold of my hand and pulled me into a gentle hug.

"I missed you so much love. You look and smell mouthwatering."

I knew his words were chosen carefully for their double edged meaning.

"I know I missed you too. Come on in lets sits down and talk."

I'm incredibly nervous and fidget like I've got ants in my pants. Edward too looks nervous. We both know an awful lot depends on us being able to discuss our difference of opinion openly, calmly and rationally. We talk at first casually neither one of us wanting to raise the matter we really needed to meet head on.

"I'm so sorry I upset you love. Sometimes I over react to things and I get very bogged down in what I think is right and forget that other people might think differently from me. I hope you can forgive me."

"Lets talk about that difference of opinion Edward. Em and Rosalie told me some stuff when they came by and I need to hear it from you. Why don't you want me to be a vampire like you Edward. Please tell me?"

"Love, you are my life, my whole reason be stay alive if that is what I am. Without you I have nothing, I am nothing. If there were no pain attached to changing you and you did not have a family that loves you and friends that would miss you I would do it now today. But Bella its not pain free. For three days you would suffer the most agonising burning. It would not let up for one second and I would not be able to help you. It would tear me apart Bella watching you suffer that for me. Because of what I had done to you, because I want to be with you forever. That is not even mentioning taking you away from your Dad and your new friends. Making you into a monster, a cold hearted killer. How can I possibly take you away from them and do that to you?"

He sounds in agony explaining how he feels to me. His beautiful eyes are so sad, his expression one of a man being tortured and in severe pain.

Taking his face in between my hands I study him a little before I speak.

"Edward, I love you, without you my life means nothing. Yes I'll miss my Dad terribly and I suppose I'll miss my new friends but if I had you forever then it really would be all worth while. I cannot comment on the transformation process because I have no experience of it. I know you watched Esme, Rose and Em go through it and I know you do not want me to suffer. Believe me baby it will be a small price to pay if I get you for all eternity. I really do not consider what you are as monsters. Your whole family are the most compassionate people I've ever met and I love them all to bits. Yes I may struggle with certain things to begin with but I'm sure that would be expected. Edward all I know is that I want this, I want you, need you and one lifetime is not enough. I want to be your soul mate for eternity. You once told me vampires mate for life. I want my vampire forever. The whole package, good bad whatever comes. I want it with you, only you. Please try and understand how I feel about this."

When his eyes meet mine I swear there are tears in them. It's the most natural thing in the world to kiss. When our lips meet the electricity that sparks between us shocks us both. We pull apart and look deep into each others eyes.

"I love you Bella, I will try to consider your point of view but please don't push me for a quick decision. I want to take time to consider all the options, reasons and view points. I'll speak to all of my family too. How does that sound?"

"It's all I ask right now that you at least consider what I want and why"

I crawl onto his knee and wrap my arms around his neck dropping kisses along his jaw line and neck.

"God I've missed you Cullen, I've been so miserable without you. I need to feel you inside me Edward please make love to me?"

Before I can even think I am being carried to my bedroom. His lips attached to mine, devouring my mouth hungrily. Placing me on the centre of the bed he joins me a second later naked. How the hell he got his clothes off without me even seeing god knows. I hadn't even seen a flash of movement or felt his lips off mine. He was too good. He took his time peeling my dress off slowly kissing every inch he uncovered. It was torture and exquisite at the same time. Once the dress was discarded he spent time worshipping my skin and removed my bra his hands and mouth spent time appreciating my breasts my nipples reacting to his cold lips and his even colder tongue as he flicked and licked them into hard pebbles. I could not stop writhing off the bed and pushing into him. When he moved lower and removed well no tore off my pants with the flick of his wrist I giggles in anticipation of what I knew was to come.

I knew that he would love my newly waxed body. A low growl escaped from him as he reached his destination. I ached for his touch and pushed up to meet first his fingers, they separated the skin and found what they were looking for. Slowly ever slowly he first blew cold air over me sending me into a frenzy. Then his fingers found my clitoris and gently began circling it. The sensation was incredible, heightened today I'm sure because of the intensity we both felt after all that happened this week. His thumb takes over as his moves back and slip into my heat. Two maybe three fingers, slipping in and out, curving finding that perfect spot where I can do no other but come apart at the seams.

_**Edward**__**ddddddddddddddddddddddddd** _I scream pulling his hair hard as I buck into his mouth. The pulsing that rocks through me feels fantastic. I feel like all my bones are liquid. He chuckles continuing his ministrations driving me over the edge over and over again. I can't even think straight I'm completely languid he could do anything and I was powerless to stop him. Did this not show him how much I completely trusted him. It did not matter what he was to me he was Edward the love of my life I was completely his in every way possible human or vampire.

As he crawled back up my body he kissed and nibbled all the way. His fingers tracing delicate patterns along every inch of skin he could find.

"Bella, I love you..." he dropped little kisses on my lips and plays with my hair which was now spread all over the pillow behind me. " thank you for allowing me to worship your body like this. Thank you for trusting me with your body. It means a lot that you trust me completely.

I pull him down and kiss him with all I have left. I love what he has been doing to me but I miss his lips on mine. He tastes of me still. I always thought I'd be repulsed by tasting myself on a man but with Edward everything we do just seems natural, right. Our kisses are so toe curlingingly good , our lips match in perfect unison, his tongue in my mouth fights for dominance with my own. I cannot wait for the day when I will be able to kiss him like he does me now. I cannot put my tongue in his mouth yet. His razor sharp teeth would cut me and venom would seep into my system. The most he allows is for me to lick his lips. One day hopefully I'd be granted my wish.

My hands move all over his cold hard body and I'm on the edge again. I am so turned on by the man it is insane. My hands works lower, his strong hard stomach tenses at my touch and a hiss escapes his lips. When I find his erection my hand wraps around it and moves slowly up and down. He is solid erection pulses gently in my hand. The tip is wet with precum I long to taste it. Before he can stop me I move down him. My eyes worship his body as I go.

"Bella no, please you don't have to do this. It's not necessary."

"Not necessary Edward but required and I want to explore you like you do me."

He does not protest further when my lips kiss the head. A tearing sound makes me raise my head slightly and I see my sheets being torn apart in his hands. With a wry smile I continue to drive my love to distraction. My tongue licks and my teeth nip his whole length. With nothing to compare size wise I am sure Edward is above average I wonder how I will fit him all in. Braver now I take his head into my mouth and suck, not hard, I'm new at this and just go with instinct. I alternate between sucking and kissing and licking. He seems to like it. My sheets are in shreds and he is moving his hips as he makes love to my mouth. I have to use my hand on what I cannot fit inside my mouth. As his rhythm becomes more and more advanced I struggle with my gag reflex as several times he hits the back of my throat. Not wanting to puke all over his cock I put my hands on his hips and ask him to slow down.

"Bella, please I'm going to... Bella I need to come inside you not like this not today. Please love.

I am under him and he is inside me in seconds. Now we both set the pace, I follow his rhythm and soon we are perfect matching each others every thrust. The feelings are indescribable. We kiss and whisper sweet nothings in each others ears. I can feel another orgasm building within me, when it erupts I am powerless to stop it. My inner muscles clench around him and he hisses loudly letting me he feels everything that I do to him. My orgasm seems to spur him on. His pace steps up as he revels in my post orgasmic meltdown. Harder and faster he goes deeper and deeper. God it feels wonderful I never want it to stop. Maybe this is the real advantage of having a vampire as a lover. If he allows me to become a vampire will I still feel that same about his love making? Alice had told me previously how wonderful it is making love as a vampire. No holding back, hour after hour, often wrecking furniture and in Em and Rose's case several houses. Alice had not experienced sex as a human so she had nothing to compare. I'd have to ask Em about that. I'm sure he played the field before his change.

Lost in thought as well as the intensity of the feeling Edward gave me I didn't notice his pace slow and his eyes open to look at me.

"Bella are you okay? You seemed a little spaced out there for a minute. Do you want me to stop?"

"Don't you dare Edward, I was just thinking about how incredible making love with you is and I was hoping that if you do change me at some point we won't lose any of these incredible feelings we have now that all."

His resulting growl I knew was because I mentioned my change.

"Okay I'm shutting up. I just thought that was all. No need to go all hissy fit on me."

With that we are flipped so that I am on top. We never lose contact he is buried deep inside me, still rock hard and I hope wanting more. I tentatively move my hips and lean forward so that I can kiss his lips. His hands find my breasts as we move as one. So deep, so so deep I had never even thought that he could go so deep. I could feel him touch my cervix with each thrust and it felt so good. Riding him hard now I lose control again and this time he follows. I feel the cold liquid of his ejaculation deep inside me. I collapse onto his chest, my breathing laboured. I'm absolutely worn out both physically and mentally..

Moving me off him I curl up at his side.

"I love you." I say as I drift off into the most relaxed sleep I've had for the last three days.

When I wake up I am still wrapped in his cold arms but now a fleecy throw divides us stopping me getting too cold.

"Want to be next to you properly Edward, please take it away I need to feel your body next to mine."

"You'll get too cold Bella and pneumonia means a stay in hospital and I won't be able to make love to you there" he says with a chuckle.

" Well I'm plenty warm now so can we snuggle now and I promise I'll wrap up when I'm cold?"

He does not refuse me. I immediately feel more relaxed and at home. I love being with him like this. He too is so completely relaxed. I hate that I have to sleep, missing out on precious time with him. My fingers draw patterns all over his chest. I love the fact that his seventeen year old body had just started to grow chest hair and it had been retained as part of his transformation. When our chests were touching his chest hair felt really sexy and I loved it. He'd laughed loudly when told him how turned on I was by his chest hair. I remember how he'd said that today's modern man waxed all over like their women and buffed and moisturised. He thought it quite funny that I liked his body hair. No odenr waxed men for me.

A quick glance at the clock shows I've slept for a good couple of hours. More time wasted. Its just after two and I'm starving so I drag myself out of his arms and slip on robe and head to the kitchen.

He follows me of course our conversation is light and I am glad all the tension of earlier seems to have evaporated. When his strong cold arms wrap around my waist and he nuzzles my neck as I make a sandwich I cannot resist turning in his arms and kissing him within an inch of my life. He has on only a pair of grey Armani boxers and I want him as soon as my lips touch his.

He pulls back, a huge smile on his gorgeous face. When he looks into my eyes which are trained on his lips my thoughts now of only how our bodies need to joined again he says.

"Eat first Bella, I'm not going anywhere. We have plenty of time to make love. You need to keep your strength up."

I turn back to the counter and finish what I was doing. When I turn back with my sandwich he is fully clothed. I know he can see the disappointment on my face.

"I've put clothes on so you can concentrate Bella no other reason. Even I don't need to be a mind reader to know what was going through your mind when we kissed a moment ago. You need to eat and there is plenty of time for more love making today and for the rest of our lives."

My heart leapt at his words. He was always so careful choosing his words. Did this mean he had reconsidered?

"Does that mean you'll change me?"

"No I didn't mean that, what I meant was that whatever happens, whatever we decide I am going no where and we will be together whether in this life or for eternity. We have plenty of time to enjoy each other. There is no rush love I want to take my time exploring ever tiny bit of every inch of you."

He takes my breath away with his words. At least he hasn't dismissed my wishes outright. At least I have a chance.

My eyes don't leave him all the time I'm eating. If he could read my mind now he'd be disgusted. When my mobile chirps with a message I jump a little in my seat.

**Isabella Swan I really do not want to see you and my brother in those sorts of position.**

**Please refrain from thinking like that**

**you know I can't control what I see.**

**Please have a thought for my poor eyes every now and then**

**by the way I'm glad you're talking again. **

**If you can call that talking. Lol**

I might have known that Alice would be able to see what I doing. Well she would just have to like it or lump it. I was going to have my fill of the delectable Edward Cullen today and every day if I had any say in it.

"Bella love, there is no need to get all defensive over what Alice texted to you. Are you done eating? Do I even need to ask what you want to do now?" he says laughing.

I'm straddled on his knees a moment later and kissing him like my life depended on it.

"God I love you, will this crazy need I have for you ever stop?"

"I sincerely hope not love I truly do, I love that I make you feel like this. It's the same for me only I have a little more restraint than you do. It's a vampire thing."

"Take me to bed Edward...please I want you."

He carries me bridal style back into the bedroom. This time he lets me undress him, I take my time kissing and touching every millimetre of him that I uncover. His hands are in fists by his side. His not needed breathing hikes, if he were human I would have been concerned he was about to pass out. I love the control I have over him when we are like this. When I have him naked I take my time to peruse the scene before me. Almost like savouring the delicate bouquet of the wine before tasting it. He is quite magnificent, strong wide shoulders, a taut wash board stomach. He is lithe but strong his now rock hard muscles fit him physique to perfection. Walking slowly around him kissing as I go I can feel his formidable control being pushed to its limit. When I stop behind him nibbling his shoulder blades I cannot resist placing my hands on his arse cheeks and squeezing. What happens next does not surprise me in the slightest and when I find myself naked under him I cannot stop laughing.

"Oh so you think its funny to tease me do you Bella? Should you really tease your vampire lover Bella knowing how strong he is, knowing how he could lose control and hurt you at any second. How he could sink his razor sharp teeth into your so soft skin and drink from you? Do you think that is a good idea Bella?"

"Yes because I know he loves me and would never hurt me. I wish he would sink his razor sharp teeth into me and make me his forever. I love to see him come undone by what I do to him. I love that I have some sense of control too."

He kisses me so passionately I struggle to breathe. When he thrusts into me I am ready, I am always ready to accept him into me. I think it is what I was born for. To be Edward's to allow Edward's body to do with me what he will.

This time our loving is heated, passionate, hard and fast and when we both explode in our orgasms it is quite perfect. Spent now we lay quietly. No need for words. We both feel exactly the same.

A loud knocking at the door brings us back to reality. How long we laid there I don't know or care. It's dusk now so quite a while. Edward throws on his clothes in a second and heads out to answer the door. I get up and dress at my usual pace. I need a shower but that will have to wait till later. Edward can join me later. When I hear voices I know we have visitors. Making my way back to the lounge I realise from the voices it's only Emmett and Jasper.

"Do you two ever stop going at it like rabbits?" Em asks Edward laughing.

"Shut up Em, what we do is our own business not yours."

"Yeah I get that bro but this time it was me that got her to listen to you without me playing go between you'd still be out in the cold and little Edward would not be getting any jiggy jiggy."

"Jiggy jiggy, Emmett that' s grown up talk." I say with a smirk in my voice.

"Bells you look so much better, happier too. Satisfied."

Edward's hand slaps over Emmett's mouth to stop further words embarrassing me. Jasper says nothing but I'm sure he is sending wave after wave of calming vibes to both Edward and Emmett because what could have turned nasty was now good hearted and jovial. I roll my eyes as I walk passed them all and sit down.

"So what's the plan for tonight you two?" Jasper asks casually sounding as if we'd know what he was on about.

Edward looks at me with questioning eyes and asks

"What do you mean? Bella and I are having a re bonding day. We have no plans and do not intend to leave the apartment. We're not interested in anything you guys have to offer. We have all we need right here. Isn't that right love?"

I answer him by getting up and walking to his side. His arms circle my waist and he kisses my head.

"We have all we need and want right here you two so you can be off and Edward will see you tomorrow. Emmett is it your turn to come for a night out tomorrow? You've been neglecting your brotherly duties of late you know."

"Really Bells you want me to come out with you and the girls tomorrow. Oh wow thanks babe. I need to go home now I need to get my outfit sorted out."

"Emmett no John Travolta this time please. It was so embarrassing. Just you in normal clothes will do fine. We'll meet you in The Hour Glass at ten sharp."

With that he and Jasper were gone.

"So love you prefer my brothers company to mine on a Friday night do you?" he says laughing.

" Oh I much prefer you to be waiting for me at home naked in my bed. If you are out I cannot do all the things I want to do to you. Better not to get arrested for having sex in public Edward. I don't think that would endear you to Charlie do you. Now what were you saying before about re bonding?"

He lets me lead him back down the small hallway and into the bathroom laughing as we go.

"I think we need to shower Mr Cullen don't you agree?"

"Bella I agree whole heartedly with everything you say especially when it relates to you getting naked."

We do exactly that and proceed to naked and wet and we both love every minute of it.

_**Next chapter will be a fun filled visit to F**_**_orks._**

**_Please review... Let me have your thoughts. Is Edward just perfect or what?  
_**


	10. Chapter 10

**I've Moved On Or Have I?**

**Chapter 10**

_**Okay before we start I would like give you a massive rec for a great story I'm reading. It's called Don't Stand So Close To Me and is written by Elyse Gaines**_ 6653645. _**It**_ _**is very well written and the story is hot hot hot. I read right through all the chapters written so far in one go and then had to go to bed and try to sleep. Yeah like that was gonna happen with me all hot and bothered. Could have done with the lovely Edward for a couple of ... LEMONS galore. I love it. Let me know what you think.**_

Thanks to everyone who took on board my request to review. It really does make all the difference. Keep them coming.

Thanks go as usual to SM who owns all that is the lovely Twilight.

**BPOV**

Friday night with the girls and Emmett is an absolute scream. He is a complete idiot and we all laughed so much tears rolled down our faces. He certainly kept us entertained, I have the feeling he enjoys being the centre of attention.

When I tell Edward all about it even he laughs. He knows that Emmett and I share a special bond and enjoys me spending time with his brother even if it is at the expense of me spending time with him.

Days pass which soon turn into a fortnight. Edward and I have a nice little routine. I go to school and work, he drops me off sometimes, then picks me up or waits for me at home. Usually naked in my bed, just how I like him. Our life together has become comfortable not in a boring way just right. We talk, we laugh, we watch old movies on tv and we make love. I am conscious that I need to stop walking around with a great big grin on my face. Everyone asks me if I'm okay and when I tell them I am they usually pump me for more. I just usually grin and walk on.

It's our Charlie weekend this weekend and we have decided to drive up straight after I finish at nine on Friday. Edward will drive, we are taking Emmett' s 4x4. It will give us more room for our luggage and cover the miles faster than either my car or Edward's Volvo. I'm used to climbing in and out of the jeep now, Emmett brings it on our nights out. I've even figured out how to strap in using the off road harnesses.

I've spoken to Charlie and confirmed our ETA is just after midnight. Knowing how fast the Cullen's drive I'm sure we'll be there well before that but Charlie doesn't need to know that particular tidbit. If we do arrive early it will give me a chance to say a proper goodnight to Edward at the old house before he drops me off at my old place.

As the day arrives I become more and more nervous. I'm worried not only about Charlie's reaction to Edward's and mine's reconciliation but his reaction to Edward being around at all. Charlie full stop worries me. Lately he has become much too interested in all I do, before he plodded along in a world of his own and now its like he's taking over Renee's sixth sense.

I choose my clothes carefully, I don't want anything I take to be construed as sluttish or tempting. I need to play this right. We need to play our roles well especially in front of Charlie.

On the drive up I prompt Edward on what to say and how to say it.

"Please don't touch me around him. Especially not tonight. Maybe if he is amenable tomorrow Edward then we can hold hands or something."

"Bella he knows we sleep together love. He was sat outside your apartment remember. He'll see what is between us Bella. It's obvious to all. Once we tell him we are madly in love with each other he'll expect some sort of affection between us surely. I am going to be sleeping in your bed at night Bella like I used to."

"No Edward we can't I won't be able to control myself around you and he'll hear, then everything will be lost forever."

I am not spending a single night away from you love. I won't do it. We've done this before without him catching us I'm sure we'll manage just fine for the next couple of nights. I can read this thoughts remember."

"Yes Edward but before when you stayed we weren't exactly sexually active and your restraint was much stronger than it is now you've experienced making love with me."

"I don't care Bella I will not spend the night without you I will not. We'll be fine you'll see."

He's stressed I can tell his fingers running through his hair pulling it in all directions. To console him I rub his leg gently. It seems to have the opposite effect and he pulls off the road and pulls me into his arms. We spend a few minutes kissing and touching nothing overtly sexual more just reassurances.

When I eventually pull away to catch my breath I raise my eye brows and say

"What was that you were saying about being in control and having sufficient restraint?" Giggling a little as I now realise how pathetic we both really are.

The rest of the drive is non eventful, I doze intermittently. It is just after eleven when Edward pulls into the garage of the Cullen house in Forks. The electronic shutters slowly rise while Edward retrieves his bag from the boot.

Inside a shiver runs right through me. Everything is just how I remember with the exception of Edward's grand piano. It had not been replaced before they left and now the gap it left in the entrance was a glaring reminder of my fateful Birthday party.

His arm on mine brings me back to him.

"I know love believe me I know."

The shutters have left the place air tight. There wasn't a speck of dust anywhere. Esme could have just dusted the place was immaculate. I wonder up the stairs to the familiar third floor bedroom Edward and I so often spent time in. Once again it was all still there, the journals, the cd's the endless rows of books. I cannot help but walk around touching some of the more familiar things. I've missed this room, I'm guessing Edward has too.

When he comes up behind me I gasp, one because I'm startled and two I wasn't expecting his cold embrace.

"Should we be heading out love? Its late enough now for us to have made the journey at normal speed."

"Can we just have ten more minutes please. I need to just hold you being back here is a bit of a shock. I mean I love this house but the memories of the last time I was here and now being back here with you... its all a bit overwhelming."

Turning me to face him he places his hands on my face and makes me look at him.

"We're good together Bella, its real, its what we both want. We'll never forget the past but it is what made us what we are today. It made us stronger as a couple Bella I really believe that. I love you so much please don't be sad. This is where we started Bella without Forks we wouldn't be anywhere."

We kiss leisurely, taking our time to explore, nibble and lick. We hold each other tightly our love permeating between us, at last making us feel at home. How long we stand there I don't know all I do know is that I never want to leave the safety of Edward's arms.

"Come on then vampire boy lets go and meet our fate."He laughs loudly as we walk hand in hand out into the night.

When we pull up outside my old house I feel physically sick. I really don't know if I can do this. We aren't going to have the talk tonight. Edward will just drop me off then go home. Tomorrow is the day we have allotted to spend time with Charlie and tell him how we have become reconciled.

I freeze when I see the front door open and Edward whispers

"Bella calm down its only Charlie he is your Dad he loves you."

"That's alright for you to say Cullen, you're indestructible I'm not."

Edward makes a point of holding my hand as we walk toward the door. Like the gentleman he is, he carries my weekend bag. Charlie's face glowers at the sight of us hand in hand. He was never overly comfortable before with our open shows of affection now he is clearly horrified.

"Isabella love, you've made it at last. I was beginning to worry."

He blanks Edward and pulls me into his arms.

"Hi Dad. Aren't you going to say hello to Edward?"

He looks at me like I've developed two heads and when Edward squeezes my hands gently I know they are both as uncomfortable as I am.

"Humph Cullen." Dad says with a nod of his head.

He drags me from Edward and pulls me inside.

"You can go now Edward, she's safe here with me. Go home she'll see you tomorrow." Dad says a little too smugly.

Edward being Edward and not one to be out done, pulls me back into a warm embrace. All the while kissing and nuzzling in my hair.

A swift glance at Charlie shows he's all shades of puce, he looks about ready to explode. This show of testosterone from both of them is a little childish.

"Bella love, I'll see you in the morning. What time do you want me here? I'll miss you so much tonight" he says dropping his mouth to mine and capturing my lips in a kiss that would make any girl swoon. " I love you Isabella Swan please try to remember that."

He turns and nods silently to Charlie before reluctantly letting go of my hand and out of the door.

"I'll see you at eight Edward I love you too, very much."

I stand and watch as he drives away from me. I feel bereft and now I'm worn out emotionally. When I close the door Charlie eyes are on me.

"Well wasn't that sweet, shame he could not have remembered how he felt about you four years ago. God Bella I really did expect more from you. I thought you'd grown up at least a little but no, back he comes snaps his fingers and you're there like a shot. It will all end badly again Bella mark my words. I know his sort I see them every day at work."

Before he can really get on a roll I snap back.

"Dad you don't know anything about our relationship, you don't know about Edward and how he suffered over our break up. Believe me when I say I did not go back into this without doing some serious thinking. For three months I kept him waiting before I made my decision, so don't... tell me how I jump at the snap of his fingers. Enough for tonight I'm tired. We'll talk about this tomorrow all of us, but Dad believe me when I say that if you continue to be rude and unreasonable then Edward and I will just go back home to Portland. It's up to you because right now I really don't care, I'm grumpy because I'm tired and I need to sleep and the person who helps me sleep every night is not here because of you."

Leaving a stunned Charlie in my wake I storm upstairs to my bedroom. After a quick shower and I climb into the small narrow bed I used as a teenage girl. I can't get comfy, the pillows are lumpy and there isn't enough room for me to sprawl out like I usually do. I hear Charlie come up and shut his door grumbling all the while. I'm sure I hear words like unbelievable, gigolo to name but a few. I try hard not to laugh out loud Edward a gigolo. Now that is a word you definitely wouldn't put with Edward not if you knew him.

It's about twenty minutes later when he crawls silently through my already open window.

"What kept you?"

"Shut up Swan, I'd forgotten how hard it was scaling that tree and how small that damn window is. I think I've got splinters."

I make to slap him, knowing he is teasing, no vampire can get splinters. His skin is far too hard to be penetrated by a piece of wood no matter how big.

"Come here you big dope and help me get some sleep."

Wrapping his arms around me but making sure I am under the quilt he hums my lullaby and before I know it my alarm goes off and its morning.

Edward is no where to be seen. He has however left me a note.

_I'll see you at 8 my love._

_Good to tell you are home you didn't stop talking all night._

_I'll give you a run down later. It was really interesting!_

_I love you._

_It brought back some wonderful memories, us being here in your old bed_.

_Look after my heart I've left it with you_.

_Edward_

He is so perfect I am so lucky why can't Charlie see that, why does he have to be so pig headed. A loud rap on my door has me raising my head a little.

"Bells it seven, you getting up he'll be here in an hour if you want to get showered and dressed first."

He still sounds like he's sulking. Great that's all I need this morning. At least I have the comfort of knowing that Edward will know exactly what is on his mind.

Before getting in the shower I head down the stairs and make myself a coffee. I ignore my Dad, two can play his game. I'm okay with the silence I'd lived alone for a while and like the peace and quiet. I knew my Dad liked company he spent too much time alone and hated long silences.

The phone rings and Charlie answers it looking glad of the distraction.

"Charlie Swan... Yes she is, Bella it's Edward for you."

I walk over to the phone on the wall. Dad is still old fashioned and refuses to have a cordless in the house.

"Good morning baby, I missed you." I say wanting Charlie to hear my every word.

"I take it Charlie is listening Bella? Okay I'll play along for now but if he gets too upset I'll pull the plug. We've already got our work cut out no need to antagonise him further. Now where were we? Ah yes. God I missed you too especially your lips around my hard length and I missed your breasts Bella and how they bounce when I fuck you hard and fast. How am I doing love?"

"Oh Edward me too, I can't wait to see you. I need to be in your arms. I love you baby please hurry and get ready and come over soon."

"Okay Bella, he's about to explode. Enough for now or he won't let me through the door. I'll be there in ten minutes is that okay? I love you."

As I hang up I almost feel guilty, Charlie looks fit to burst, his colour a mix of red, green and a bluish purple. A false smile plastered to his face as I turn to look at him.

"Are you alright Dad you look a little off colour?"

"You know exactly what is wrong with me Isabella Swan so don't come the innocent with me. Go upstairs and get ready he'll be here soon and I'm not having you dressed like that in front of him, not in my house. Go on."

I roll my eyes, he seems to have forgotten how old I am.

"Dad we practically live together in Portland, believe me he's seen me in far less than this." whoops

I realise my mistake as soon as the words are out. Once again my big mouth lets me down. As I walk towards the stairs Charlie's face contorts into a look of absolute agony and hatred all mixed in to one. Whoops again infact a great big shit shit shit I've done it now.

Under the shower I talk to Edward knowing that if he is near he will hear me.

"Edward I think I made things worse. You're going to kill me. I sort of said something that Charlie was none too happy about. He sort of riled me you know and my mouth just sort of opened and out it came. I'm sorry. If you can hear me I love you I do. You'll be able to get a fix on how bad it is. See you in ten."

Wrapping a huge towel around me I head to the safety of my room. Dressing casually in jeans and a t shirt I pull on a hoodie, its cool today and I want to keep myself warm. I hear Edward pull up in the jeep. Its loud exhaust system chugging loudly on my quiet street. My hair is still wet so I towel it dry the best I can and pull it into a pony tail. It will have to do, I want to be down stairs for when the fireworks begin.

As I descend the steps Charlie is answering Edward's quiet knock.

"Morning Chief Swan I hope I'm not too early."

"Edward" Dad says with a nod of his head.

Me I fly into his arms and he catches me swinging me around.

"Bella, I've missed you love, _kiss_, you smell divine love, _kiss_, did you miss me love? _kiss."_

My arms surround his neck and I'm kissing him properly not just little pecks liked he'd given me. I cannot control the urge I have to devour him. Charlie clearing his throat behind me brings me back to reality.

"Shit." I say with a little giggle.

"Hmm, naughty girl." says Edward in reply only loud enough for me to hear.

"Okay you two less of the PDA there are other people present. Come and sit down at the kitchen table. I'll make us all some tea."

"He's quite calm actually love, he hates it when we kiss but he thinks he stands more chance of splitting us up if he plays it cool rather than pressurizing us."

We sits side by side our hands entwined on the top of the table. Edward doodles with his index finger on my palm. If we were alone I would have him naked in a flash. The sensation he is creating is wonderful, sensual and driving my Dad mad.

"Right I'll say my piece first then you two can say what you've got to say. I hope that is okay with you both? Bella?"

"That's fine Dad. You go first Edward and are listening."

He coughs a little before he starts.

"Well Edward, I think you need to know what your leaving did to Bella. I was so scared I have to tell you she was catatonic for almost three months. It was like she'd died inside. She didn't talk, she didn't eat. I can tell you if I could have gotten hold of you back then I'd have killed you with my bare hands. How could you leave her alone in the woods like that? Anything could have happened to her. It's taken all these years for her to come back to me. To be able to talk and laugh and be my Bella again. I'm scared that now you're back in her life she'll get sucked back in Edward and when you leave her again it will kill her this time. You were both too young before. Your relationship was much too intense for kids that age and now Bella has changed, she's not the same girl you fell for back in high school. This will never work and it will only end in someone or both of you getting hurt again. I will not let that happen.

Edward sits up straight never letting go of my hand. He looks straight at my Dad and says.

"Sir, I made the biggest mistake of my life back then. I too was miserable. Like Bella I didn't eat, I didn't talk, I left my family because I could see how worried they were about me and I wanted to wallow in self pity. It was after all my decision to leave and I shall regret until the end of my days. When Bella and I were together it was like the whole world was bathed in sunshine all of the time. I have never laughed or being so happy in my whole life. When we were apart it was like a total eclipse. Nothing but darkness, I didn't even want to find the light. Then by some sort of miracle we cross paths again and all the old feelings resurface and this time they are even more intense, deeper and truer than ever before. Bella felt exactly like I did but she was more cautious, scared this time to get re involved with me. Who can blame her? I pursued her relentlessly this time. Begging for forgiveness, begging for another chance to prove how much she means to me. I had to fight long and hard sir she wasn't giving in to me easily this time. She wanted to be friends. It wasn't enough for me. Chief Swan I love your daughter more than life itself and I swear that I will prove to you I am worthy of her. All I ask is that you give us a chance. She hates upsetting you but I do know she loves me as much as I love her and we will be together whether you approve or not."

Tears dribble down my cheeks at Edwards words. The sincerity in them is without a doubt the truest I have ever heard. He really does love me. He is willing to do anything to prove that to my Father. How can my Dad doubt his every word?

Now its my turn. I have to wait a minute for the tears to subside. Edward helps by brushing my tears away with his thumb and kissing me gently on each cheek.

"Dad, you know I am not very good at talking about my feelings. It was one of the reasons why it took me so long to recover after Edward left. He broke my heart Dad you know that he knows that and I know that. Did I ever really get over him? No never. Was I always still in love with him? Without a doubt yes with all that I am. When I bumped into Alice and she mentioned Edward was visiting and would love to see me, to meet up I panicked. I really wanted to see him again but I was scared, so scared, what if he did not feel the same way I did? After all he had left me, he didn't want us our relationship anymore. I reluctantly agreed to meet them all for a drink nothing more. Dad as soon as I saw him I knew I was still in love with him and I was elated when he looked at me like he was still in love with me too. We talked and talked and he'd come round for a coffee and we'd talk some more. Always skating around the real issue our feelings."

Edward squeezes my hand and urges me to continue.

" Then I was asked out on a date. I went and it was horrid. All I thought about was Edward and how it felt like I was betraying him. The poor guy didn't stand a chance. Going out with him just confirmed what I had known all along. It was Edward and no one else. He was so upset when Alice told him I was dating, it made him realise too that we had to be together. It was all that made sense.

We talked some more I laid out some ground rules like me going out every Friday with my friends from uni and work. Sometimes Edward comes along but mostly he doesn't. He understands and is happy that I have other things in my life now. It's a lot healthier for both of us. However, being realistic we wanted to be together so Edward moved from California to just outside Portland and we started to see each other properly. Things changed when our relationship became physical Dad. Oh I know you don't want to hear this and believe me I really don't want to be telling you about our sex life but we're older and I needed more from him than I'd had before. I wanted a proper grown up relationship and that meant sex. He took some persuading Dad he's old fashioned about stuff like that.

When we eventually got together it was perfect Dad and further proved we are right for each other. We complete each other Dad. If we aren't together then I honestly believe we will remain alone forever. I don't want anyone else. Edward is it for me Dad please believe me. I love him and he loves me the same way. Please give us your acceptance if nothing else. I'm not asking you to be his best friend or anything like that. Just be happy knowing that I'm head over heels in love and happy and be polite on the rare occasions we get together."

Edward's eyes now glisten with venom tears. He's squeezing my hand a trifle too hard and I'll regret it as soon as he lets go.

Charlie gets up off his seat and walks around the table.

"I still don't understand why you left like you did Edward if you were in the same state as Bella. Why do that to yourself? You never even called to see how she was. Alice, even not a word. It was like you'd all vanished the whole Cullen family. Gone in a puff of smoke.

"Thinking about it now Chief, all I can tell you is that I was stupid. I convinced myself that I was not good enough for Bella, that she would be better off without me. I felt I was holding her back. She was 18 and already seriously involved with a boy, I foolishly thought she should experience other relationships. Go away to study wherever she wanted not just restrict her choices to where I was going. It tore me apart but for some reason I felt I had to do it not matter the personal cost to myself. I had to do it for Bella to move on with her life. I was so stupid, I realise that now because it almost killed us both."

Even Dad looks sad at Edward's words of how he suffered and how he realises he made a mistake.

"Bells make us all a sandwich or something I want to talk to Edward on his own. Edward join me in the lounge please? You like baseball don't you son? There is a good game starting in about an hour. Want to watch?"

I'm stunned too stunned for words at how easily I'm being dismissed. Edward's eyes plead with me to rescue him. I don't know what I can do. A small shrug of my shoulders has me heading into the kitchen.

When I take the plate of sandwiches into the room they are sat talking quietly and stop as soon as they realise I am present. There doesn't seem to be too much tension. I sit down next to Edward and pull his hand into mine. Charlie winces a bit but does not say a word.

We all eat without talking. Even Edward, how he manages a couple of sandwiches I don't know I realise he'll have to get rid of that later.

"Bella, Edward and I are going out for a couple of hours in a bit. You'll be okay here on your own?" Dad says

"Where are you taking him Dad? What are you up to?"

"Nothing for you to worry about Bells, we're going fishing, doing a bit of male bonding."

I choke on the sandwich I am eating. When I look at Edward he looks in pain. I'm not sure if it's from the food or the fact he'll be in Charlie's company alone for the next few hours. Great just what I need. Charlie chewing his ear off about us without me being there to stop it.

"Can't I come too?"

"No"

"Why?"

"Because you can't."

"That's not a good enough reason Dad."

"Bells it will give me some time to talk to Edward get to know him some more seeing as I have little option but to accept you two as a couple."

"Really."

"Don't push me Bella."

"Can I at least drop you off and pick you up later? Let me do that please."

"Why? What do you think I'm going to do him?"

"I'm not worried about him Dad, just you."

We all laugh, Edward now seems more relaxed.

"Can you fish Edward?" I ask him with my eyebrows raised.

"Erm I've done some pond fishing when I was a small child and Carlisle took Emmett and I deep sea fishing a few years ago. We fished big game stuff like swordfish and barracuda. I only caught a couple, Emmett was much better at it than me."

Charlie's eyes bulged in his head. He'd always wanted to do this sort of fishing but he'd never had the money to take a trip or anyone to go with. Now even I could see his mind organising a trip with Edward and his brother. Great.

Driving Emmett's jeep to the lake was quite an experience. Edward insisted I drive with him present so he wouldn't worry about me driving alone. I managed okay but god it was huge.

When we reach our destination they get out and take the tackle and chairs. I will be back in three hours to collect them with what Charlie hopes will be our dinner.

"See ye later Bells." Dad says casually.

He seems much happier, I know that this will relax him. It always does.

"Bella, miss me love, keep your fingers crossed for me. He seems happy and plans to discuss a trip to California for the weekend with Carlisle and Emmett deep sea fishing. He's quite excited about it. I love you. See you soon."

With that he kisses me not holding back even though my Dad is nearby.

"Behave you two, I see you later."

Now that wasn't too bad was it. In fact I think Charlie was a little too calm. Maybe he's not done with them yet. What do you all think?

Review if you want more...

The more reviews the sooner I'll post


	11. Chapter 11

**I've Moved On Or Have I?**

Sorry for the delay in updating. I have being waiting for some inspiration. I had to thin long and hard over the Charlie issue.

Thank you to all who read and review. Keep them coming they make all the late nights worth while.

**Chapter 11**

**BPOV**

As I drive away from the lake I cannot help but get the feeling that Dad is up to something. He's accepted Edward and I all too quickly, I know Edward said he was calm now but there was calm and then there was calm. I gnaw on my bottom lips as I arrive back at the house.

What can I do for a few hours? Visit some old haunts, see if anyone I know is still in town? Hmm I wonder.

**CPOV**

I couldn't actually believe that he had agreed to do this with me, sucker, and she'd actually let him. My acting skills must be getting better in my old age. Now I had him alone I could really find out what was going on. I had to make sure he was not back to mess my baby up again. I shudder remembering what she was like back then, how I really thought I was going to lose her. I blamed myself too, I'd always spent too much time at work, maybe if I'd been around more she wouldn't have been so close to him and his family. Renee had tried to insist she go back to Florida, but Bella wasn't having it. It was one of the few times she reacted. I knew at that time she stayed in Forks only incase he came back to her. Day after day, month after month I watched her slip away, physically and mentally. It broke me too.

Now I got the chance to find out what he was doing back and why he had integrated himself in her life once again. Sure she looked happy, in love, hell so did he. Someone that didn't know would think they were two young people madly in love. He looked at her now with even more devotion, his eyes never leaving her, his hands touching her whenever he can. I'd noticed his hand on hers, his finger just stroking the back of her hand, his leg touching hers when they were sat side by side. It certainly appeared that he felt everything she did and maybe more but I didn't trust him. I couldn't. Not yet at least.

Getting ourselves situated at what I knew was a good fishing spot, I set up our rods and baited our hooks and cast out far into the lake. Time to take the bull by the horns as they say as I made myself comfortable in the old chairs Bella had bought so many Christmas' ago.

"So Edward, why are you really back in Bella's life? Did you not do enough damage all those years ago? Now you're bored again and need to devastate her life some more huh?"

"Chief, I know I hurt her back then I swear I do, I hurt me too and my family, they love Bella too. I really thought I was doing the right thing back then Charlie. I wanted her to experience a life without me holding her back."

"So you said but it doesn't make sense Edward. If you loved her like you say you did why would you do that to yourself and to the person you say you love?"

"Stupidity, youth, believe me I've asked myself a thousand times over the past few years what I achieved. The answer to that is nothing but misery. I was miserable without her Charlie. When she met Alice and Jasper that day and they told me, ... it was like the gods had brought us back to one another. I couldn't actually believe she agreed to see me."

"She's stupid like that sometimes. Always doing things that just aren't right."

"Sir I swear to you, I'm not going anywhere unless she wants me to. It would kill me to be without her again."

"Big words Edward but I'm not buying it. With your families money you can go anywhere in the US or even the world, Carlisle is a fine Doctor and would be able to get a job anywhere. I've noticed you seem to stick together even now you're all older. Bella likes her independence. You it seems have not cut the apron strings just yet."

"It's true we do all like to be together, we're very close and we all feel Bella is already a part of that. She feels it too. I do live independent of my family though and have for the last four years. After we left I couldn't be around them, I could feel how they hated me for making them leave her, they blamed me because Alice was so upset. I moved out then."

"So how much is it going to cost me Edward to make you disappear again?"

"Chief...Sir please do not even go there. No amount of money or bribery could ever make me leave her again. I love her, I intend to marry her just as soon as she'll agree. I hope you'll understand that we'd like your blessing. She wants you to like me, to accept us as a couple. it's important to her. I believe she has already told you that we can easily go back to Portland if you continue to oppose our relationship. I would hate that to happen sir but I will not be bribed or bought off. You couldn't even dream the amount of money I have in mind Chief Swan and I'd still turn you down."

"Okay money is not enough then what do you want? I want you to leave my daughter alone. Walk away, come on Edward you've done it once why not again?"

He doesn't answer me. He just sits and stares out to the lake. I guess this conversation is over. The silence goes on and on. How long we sit in complete silence I don't know. He doesn't move an inch, he is perfectly still. Me I fidget and then I'm up and back down Edward is frozen. Maybe I've hit a nerve, maybe he's actually contemplating my request for him to leave.

Nothing's biting today. I hear the sound of the engine before it comes into view, he's up and out of his chair so quickly I actually have to do a double take.

**BPOV**

After cleaning for a while and preparing a nice meal for later I decide to go into town. I park the 4x4 in the town's only municipal car park and walk around. It feels quite liberating walking down these streets as an adult. The last time I'd been here I'd been a mess, hiding under a hoodie, dark glasses to hide the black rings around my eyes. I was a train wreck back then, now I'm better much better, happy even, all because of the same thing that caused me so much pain before.

When I find myself in front of Newton's I wonder if Mike will be in. Dad had told he'd taken over from his parents after college, his Dad had had a health scare and his Mum had wanted to slow things down. As Mike had studies Business Management it seemed ideal. I can't see through the windows to see if he's there so I decide to go and ask.

The doorbell chimes as I enter. An unfamiliar face smiles and asks what I'm looking for.

"Is Mike around today?" I ask shyly.

"He's in the office I'll buzz him to come on down who shall I say wants him?"

"Bella Swan. Thank you."

I look around nervously, Mike had always been so sweet. I had played on his crush so many times. Then when I was with Edward I'd dropped him like I had done most of my friends because they weren't comfortable around the Cullen's like me. I'd gone out on one date with him post Edward. It was a disaster, I'd cried all night and compared him to Edward. Poor Mike it hadn't stopped him asking me again over and over.

A loud voice I remembered well came from behind me

"Isabella Swan, well I'll be damned. What brings you back to this dead and alive hole. You look fantastic by the way." he says pulling me close for hug before swinging me around.

"I'm visiting Dad for the weekend and thought I'd catch up with old friends if any were still in town. How are you Mike ? You look well. How is your Dad?"

"Do you have time for a coffee Bella?"

Looking at my watch I see I have at least an hour before I have to go back for Edward and Dad. I find myself gnawing on my lip wondering how the male bonding is going. I hope Dad isn't been too hard on poor Edward.

"Sure, the diner okay?"

We walk talking and laughing at old memories. In the diner I order a latte while Mike orders a long black. It's easy to talk to him it always had been. He'd tried so hard when I was bad, coming over and talking to me for hours. He never faltered, no matter how bad I was he ploughed on. I think he also got immune to my tears, he just ignored them and continued like nothing was happening. I needed to thank him.

"Mike, I wanted to say thank you, for before you know when I was a zombie, you were a true friend and I'll always remember what you did. So tell me about Mike? Got a girl? or a boy?" I say half laughing at my teasing.

"Bella" he cries mortified by my suggestion. "No one at the moment I mean no specific girl at the moment. So what about you, you look fantastic didn't I already say that? What's new in Portland and Bella's life?"

"Well I'm almost done with my MA, and I'm happy. I'm seeing someone, we're happy. He's fishing right now with my Dad can you believe that?"

"So where'd you meet him?"

"Portland this time but I knew him already." I say looking up from my cup.

"What do you mean you already knew him Bella? Do I know him?"

Sighing because I know Mike reaction is likely to be as bad as Charlie's

"It's Edward, Mike we are back together and really happy."

He doesn't speak for a few seconds and then he says

"Cullen, you let Edward Cullen back in after what he did when we were eighteen. Bella what are you thinking? Please be careful you know I've never liked him, arrogant piece of "

"Mike, please he isn't arrogant, he never was you just never gave him a chance. You were all so threatened by his looks and money. You alienated the whole family because of your petty biases. I love him Mike I always have."

"He left you Bella you were a mess, did he care then? No he walked away and left you not caring how you were or how you'd get over him."

"I never got over him Mike, not really. Yes I learned to get by but I never really moved on. Now we've sorted all that out and we're both at a different place in our lives, we love each other. We're meant to be Mike it's right, do you really think I'd subject him to Charlie's wrath if I wasn't sure?"

His warm open manner changed, we continued to talk but now he was reserved and cautious. The time for me to leave was approaching.

"So Mike how about we all catch up for a drink tonight? Do you think you could tolerate an hour in Edward's company. Please for me I'd like you to at least try, I might not be back this way again for some time."

He looks like he's in pain.

"Me and Cullen out for the evening, nice Swan nice. One hour no more." he agrees shaking his head.

We agree a time and place and I set off eager now to see how my two favourite men have gotten on.

As soon as I pull up I can see the tension and my shoulders slump. I know Edward would never start something so I wonder what Charlie has said or done to make Edward look like this.

"Hey you two, anything biting?" I say hoping to lighten the atmosphere.

It was obviously the wrong thing to say altogether and I knew when I saw Edward flinch. Walking toward them I fold my arms across my chest and say

"So who is going to tell me what the hell is going on?" I look from one to the other.

They pack the stuff away without a word. Edward is reserved with me, there is no softness in his eyes like there usually is when he looks at me. I'm worried now really worried, he looks hurt, torn. I am going to kill my Dad.

"Okay seeing as you two aren't talking, when we've dropped the stuff off Dad I'm going back with Edward for a bit. I'll be back later to eat with you."

He grunts but does not contest my decision. Edward does not say a word.

Edward drives us back to his place. He is still not speaking, inside the house I walk to him and wrap my arms around his waist.

"I missed you."

"Me too"

"So are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"I'd rather not Bella."

"Well if you won't Dad will."

"Bella please leave it."

"No Edward, you're upset I can see what did he do?"

"He didn't do anything, he said plenty."

He told me word for word, the pain in his voice ripped my heart in two. I was going to kill my Father literally. I turn Edward's lovely face to look at me and say

"It doesn't matter Edward, I love you Edward and I know you love me. What people say or think doesn't really matter does it?" I kiss his lips gently.

"It matter to me Bella, he's your Dad I want him to be happy for you. I want him to like me or at least try to like me, accept us being together."

"Oh Edward, you've got a lot to learn about my Dad. He doesn't like anybody. He hates change and he'll hate you because you'll take me away from him again. He hates that I love you more, he cannot see it's just different. He's scared for me Edward. Believe me it doesn't condone what he said to you but it could have been a lot worse. He could have tried to shoot you, then we'd have a real problem when you didn't die or even bleed." I laugh at this thought.

He pulls me closer and I can feel the tension leaving him.

"God I love you woman. You keep me sane. Your love keeps me grounded Bella. You know I'm not going anywhere don't you?"

"I do, because I won't let you."

"So are you going to tell me why you smell like Newton? Did I catch glimpses of him earlier today undressing you in his head. Please tell me you didn't?"

"Didn't what?"

"Well Bella right now he's trying to decide how to get out of a night out with you and me. Please tell me you did not do that to me Bella?"

"He's an old school friend Edward, it will be nice to catch up, like I told him an hour that's all I'm asking. It will be good for him to see how happy we are together."

"How am I supposed to sit and listen to him undress you and fantasize about you in lots of different sexual positions. How do I do that Bella?'

Laughing I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him properly.

"Because you are the one who gets to undress me Edward and play out those sexual fantasies not him."

We fall onto the sofa and enjoy a few minutes kissing and just being together. When he drops me back off at the house I prepare to raise holy hell. He tells me he'll be back at seven for our night out.

I slam the door behind me, I want him to know that I know what he did and I am not happy about it.

He's sat in his usual place looking as sheepish as I would expect.

"No need to slam the door Bella."

"Really, well Dad I suppose it's better than slamming your head against the wall or a brick. What were you thinking? You upset him and I won't allow that. You have tried to cheapen our love and I don't appreciate it. I can't actually believe you offered him money to leave. Do you have any idea what that would do to me if he left again?"

"He'll do it anyway Bells, you'll see."

"NO he won't, how many more times. We are both in it for the long haul. He's not Mum, I'm not her either, this is real, its what we both want. You have a choice to make Dad, apologise to Edward when he comes over later, or carry on like this and I'm gone. I'll take my stuff and stay with Edward tonight and we leave tomorrow and we don't come back."

He doesn't even answer me just sits grumbling in his chair. I stomp off upstairs to have a shower. Edward is sat on my bed.

I push him down on the bed and crawl on top of him. My head rests on his chest and I feel safe as his arms wrap around me. He kisses the top of my head and his hands rub my back soothing me. God I love this man. We stay like this a while, it feels good to both of us.

When I eventually get up I see a clean pair of jean and a navy shirt hung on my wardrobe door, he answers me when my eyes ask him the question.

"I want to look smart when we go out tonight love, I don't want to show you up looking disheveled like I am now."

"You always look like a god Edward even when you've been rolling around on your girlfriends bed for the last hour." I roll my eyes at his expression.

I pack my stuff knowing I won't be coming back home tonight. If Charlie ever does apologise to Edward it won't be tonight, he'll need time to get used to the idea. After a quick shower and change I go down. I warm the cottage pie from earlier and add green beans and carrots to our plates.

We eat in silence, too much damage done. I've brought my bags down and placed them by the door. Edward will put them in the car when he arrives. I had seen Charlie's eyes fall on them a couple of times and wince. It was his own stupid fault. It was going to kill him knowing I was in town and not staying here. I was glad to be staying with Edward tonight he needed me just as much as Charlie did. He tried to protest over my coming back with him but not too loud, it meant we got to stay together and that I know was all Edward ever wanted.

He sounds the horn and lets me know he's here. I open the door just as he walks onto the front porch.

"Hi love, all ready for our night out with old friends?" he says with a glint in his eye.

He picks up the bags and walk back down the path leaving me to say goodbye or not as the case may be.

"Right Dad, we're off. Look after yourself." I say these words with a big lump in my throat and I am in the car for only a second when the floodgates open.

Edward pull me into his arms.

"Ssh love shh, I'm here. I'm here Bella I'll always be here. He'll come round one day I'm sure we need to give him time to get used to the idea. In a few years when we're still together and still as madly in love maybe he'll realise what we've said this weekend was true."

"But we don't have years Edward, I want him to accept us now so he can still be a part of my human life."

Edward swallows and pulls back a little.

"What do you mean Bella? We don't have years."

"I want you to change me Edward now more than ever, I want forever with you and I can't have that as a human, so you'll have to change me."

He actually stops breathing and pulls away altogether. He sits bolt up right and holds onto the steering wheel like he needs it to stay upright.

"Bella you don't know what you're saying, can we not talk about this now you're upset. Maybe when we get home later."

I relent and let him drive us into town and where we're to meet up with Mike.

When we walk into the bar everyone inside stops and stares at the god that is Edward Cullen. Women of all ages cast their eyes over him appreciating his height, his looks his dress sense. They all look a little sad when they see that his hand is firmly attached to mine.

Mike is sat in a booth and has brought along another familiar face Jessica Stanley. They had been on and off throughout our junior and senior years but I knew she had a serious crush on Edward.

"Mike Jessica, good to see you. Here Bella sit down I'll get us some drinks. You two what can I get you?" Edward asks the epitome of politeness and friendliness."

"Whatever you two are having is fine Edward." Jessica says undressing him with her eyes.

"So Bella you and Edward again. How long this time?" she asks trying to assess her chances I presume.

"Oh a few months now, but it's like we've never been apart." I say emphasizing our closeness.

When Edward returns he has a large jug of beer and a bottle of water. When Mike raises his eyebrows Edward explains

"I'm driving."

It's all a little awkward, there is small talk of colleges and jobs. Edward dodges each question without either of them noticing he hasn't answered a single one.

"So are you two, yeah know?" Edward asks sipping his bottle of water.

Mike is quick to let us know

"No, we're just friends aren't we Jess, both just waiting for the right person to come along."

"Arh.." Edward says wrapping his arm around my shoulder protectively. 'Yes it's certainly a wonderful feeling when you are with the 'one'. Isn't it Bella." he kisses me then on the lips.

I cannot help blushing even knowing what he is up to.

"Yes Edward, it's perfect."

Mike and Jessica gawp at our open displays of affection. Apart from the occasional holding hands and a quick peck here or there we had not been too full of PDA at FHS. Then Edward did not have so much restraint, and he didn't believe he wouldn't hurt me. He was constantly fighting his natural instinct to kill me and drink my blood. Now I was his life source and we both know he would and could never hurt me so its easier to be together.

The hour flies by much to Edward's relief Mike's too I think by the relieved look on his face when we make our move.

"So where you staying Bella? With your Dad?" Jessica asks.

"I was but we're driving back tomorrow so tonight I'll just stay at the house with Edward."

She drags me off to the side.

"You mean you'll be actually staying with him overnight like properly?"

"Jessica we practically live together in Portland, of course I'll be with him properly. I mean wouldn't you if you got the chance?" no sorry please don't answer that, I really don't want to know if you want to sleep with my boyfriend." I say shaking my head and walk back towards where the boys are waiting.

After even more awkward hugs goodbye, I notice Jessica hangs on to Edward a bit longer than she should we walk out to the car.

"So that wasn't too bad was it?" I ask him knowing full well he'd felt the brunt of Jessica's thoughts as well as any Mike had.

"Bad enough love believe me bad enough."

"Are you going to tell me what Jessica wants to do to you?"

"No but I might show you a bit later if you're good." he says with a laugh.

Climbing into the massive jeep we head off into the night and for what for tonight will be home.

**You know the drill. Press the button and let me now what you think.**


	12. Chapter 12

**I've Moved On Or Have I?**

Chapter 12

Once again I humbled by your responses, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

**My grateful thanks goes as usual to SM who owns all that is Twilight.**

**BPOV**

Arriving at the Cullen house tonight I feel a little strange. Now in the light of what had happened with Charlie I am here because I can no longer stay in my own home. Why he had to make me choose I will never know. He has always known how I feel about Edward, why he would challenge that love I do not understand and to be honest it hurts. A lot.

Pulling up Edward turns to look at me.

"Are you okay love? Is this what you want? I can take you back to Charlie's if you'd like me to."

Looking into his eyes I know he would in a flash, but it would hurt him if I did that and I could never do that to him. He was proud of the fact that I chosen us. That I had had the courage to stand up for our love and I would and could never do anything to make him think we were not so important to me.

"I'm fine really, a little tired maybe but I'm chaise longue because I'm with you. Come on lets go in for the night."

He is at my door in a flash and helping me out. I'm hoping he'll spill about what Jessica was thinking although knowing him he won't let on if he thinks it will upset me. She had always lusted after him and had at school being quite cruel to me when Edward and I had first gotten together. I was glad things did not work out for her and Mike, he was so much nicer than her. He deserved better.

"Come on Bella its cold and I don't want you getting poorly."

He ushers me inside at is side. We go straight up to his old room. I love this room, so many memories. All good of this particular room, laying on his leather chaise longue, listening to his music, reading and much more. I cannot help a smile come to my lips now as I spot a huge wooden bed, why had I not noticed this the other day. Edward watches me constantly looking for clues of what I am thinking. It still drives him mad not knowing.

"So when did this arrive?" I ask him raising my eyebrows.

"I thought you might be needing somewhere to sleep. I had it delivered just in case. I'm sure it will come in handy for any future visits too." he says laughing.

I pull him down onto the huge bed and roll on top of him.

"Oh you did, did you. Well my vampire lover I guess seeing as this wonderful bed is here and at our disposal we really should make the most of it. Don't you agree baby?

"Miss Swan I whole heartedly agree with everthing you say you know that."

"So come on tell me what Jessica was thinking that had you so uncomfortable." I say rolling to his side.

"I'd rather not love, not nice really. People really shouldn't have thoughts like that about someone that is not their life partner it's just"...he actually shudders in distaste. "Not nice, not normal even for a vampire. I think she is seriously deranged sick in the head almost. Newton is better off without her, I think he had a lucky escape with that one. Now you know I'm no fan of Mike Newton Bella especially when he has similar thoughts about you but even he really does not deserve that."

I lean over and kiss him tenderly.

"Poor Edward, you looked really scared back there for a minute or two."

"It was more than a minute or two believe me."

"I thought you said if I were good you'd show me what she had in mind."

"Really, you'd want to me to do that to you?"

"Edward, whatever she was thinking cannot be so bad, I want to make love with you all the time, surely she had been thinking about making love to you in whatever form. Okay she may have been a little inappropriate but you are rather gorgeous and sexy as hell and the fact that you don't know it makes it even more sexy."

"So you think about making love to me all the time do you Bella?"

"I do, for my sins."

"How about you show me about your fantasies. I think I'd like that better."

Taking the hint I undress myself slowly in front of him. His eyes never leave me. When I am left in pants and bra only I turn my attention to him. He does nothing to stop me. I start slowly first removing his shoes and socks then I crawl up his torso and kiss him. My hands roam under his shirt and I can feel him tense up and I caress his hard nipples. The shirt is off a few moments later. I take a second to look at him. He is absolutely stunning, he takes my breath away. Now I work on removing his jeans, slowly I undo his leather belt and then move to his zipper and button. He helps me by lifting his backside off the bed so I can slide the jeans off and down his legs. His Armani boxers show me he is ready and eager for what is to come.

Kissing him all over feels incredible, his cold hard body feels wonderful on my lips. He moans a little as I get closer to his promised land. His boxers are gone before I can even blink.

"Sorry love I was a little impatient for you."

"Naughty Edward, how did you know I wanted you naked? May be I was going to torment you some more before I touched you there."

Rubbing my nose along Edward's happy trail I could not help grin. He was a seventeen year old extremely hairy and I loved it. It was so sexy. A couple of times before Edward had worn low slung jeans showing his boxer and his happy trail was clearly visible and I had about had a heart attack. Just one look had my juices flowing. Lower I go kissing and biting as I go.

When I reach the promised land, I kiss the tip, he takes a deep breath trying to control himself. I tease him a while longer, licking, dropping small kisses along his shaft. He is struggling I can tell to remain still. The sheets now ripped to shreads as his hands and fingers hold onto them tightly.

Unable to resist him any longer I dive in. Taking him in my mouth bit by bit, swirling my tongue around him as I go. I can feel his immediate reaction as I take him deeper and deeper. I hold the lower part of him knowing I will never accommodate him all. My small hand works him so not one bit of him feels left out. His hands move to hold my head. I look up at him knowing he worries about this incase he hold me too hard or loses control. Slowly and gently he guides my movements to meet his slow gentle thrusts deeper into my mouth. My hand moves off him now and moves to capture his balls in my hand, they feel soft and squishy which is surprising when the rest of him is so hard. I'll try to remember to ask him about that sometime.

"Bella love if you don't want me to come like this you had better stop because I can't take much more you feel so good doing this to me."

I stay where I am and suck a little harder letting him know I want him to come in my mouth. A moment later he thrusts into me and stays in the air as he empties his seed into my mouth. It is cold and tastes like Edward, sweet and sour all at once. I love it because it is part of him. When his spurts stop and he relaxes I let him slip out and kiss the head as I crawl back up to his mouth.

"I love you, ye know, that was quite incredible Bella I cannot believe it gets better every time and yes Newton does wish you'd do that to him and that is why I'd like to punch his lights out. No one is ever going to experience that but me. Right?"

"Absolutely Edward, its only ever been about you. You're the only one I've ever wanted like this."

He kisses me then rolling me under him but being careful that I do not feel any of his weight. Now his hands explore and my bra and pants are gone in seconds. Ripped apart in Edward's eagerness to touch my most private places.

His lips move down me, my breast get attention from his hands and his lips. Rolling my nipples in between his lips I groan at the sensation. I raise my hips to meet him, lower and lower he goes. His fingers slip between my wet folds and two of them sink inside me. I catch my breath at the coldness and the joy they bring. His thumb draws circles on my already swollen nub, my breathing hikes up even more now. His tongue and lips take over where his fingers once were. God he drives me insane with pleasure. I cannot stop myself from pulling his poor face closer to me. He must be wet all over poor thing. I don't care really all I need is to come around him. Any second now I will loose myself in him. I let myself go and let the sensations pulsing through my body take over.

He is back at my side and kissing me again. I can taste myself on him again. He ready to go again and positions himself between my now open legs. With one long thrust he is buried deep inside me. It feels so incredibly good, at first he moves so slowly I can barely feel him moving. I realise he is near to losing it once more and wanting to control himself so we can enjoy each other.

"Bella, god love I can't...I need to fuck you hard this time can I please? I just need to have you"

Placing my hands at the side of his lovely face I pull him to look at me. He opens his eyes slowly, his expression one of pain.

"Hey I love you, make love to me in what ever way you want Edward I love it all."

With a grunt he starts to move faster in and out harder too getting really deep it feels so good and I try to match him thrust for thrust. At one bit I think he forget himself and his thrust become so quick I cannot keep pace. I bring him back by saying his name and kissing his face.

"Bella I'm sorry its just so good love are you close?"

"I'm always close when I'm with you believe me I'm always close."

We continue to make love thrusting into each other over and over. We both explode in our orgasms at the same time. Riding them out together feels so right, kissing in between trying to catch our breath.

"I love you Bella."

It's light in the room when I wake up and I am alone a note on the pillow from explains where he is.

_**Good Morning love**_

_**I've gone hunting, I won't be long.**_

_**Be good and be ready to go if you read this before I get back**_.

_**I love you always.**_

_**Edward xx**_

I get up and shower dressing in my travelling clothes so I can be ready like he suggests. In the Cullen's kitchen I am surprised to find jam filled croissants already plated up for me. The man thinks of everything. Making myself a cup of hot tea, I sit down to eat.

When the door opens a little while later, Edward walks in looking relaxed and as beautiful as ever. He walks over to me and drops a kiss on my head.

"Good morning sleepy head, I see you got my note."

"I did and I love you too. Did you have a good hunt?"

"Adequate, I had forgotten how small the prey is around here. We always had to travel quite far if we wanted anything decent."

"Are you wanting to get off straight away love because I'm ready. I packed after my shower so whenever you want."

"Bella do you want to call in to see Charlie before we go home?"

"No why would I. He made himself quite clear and so did I."

We both put our stuff in the back of Emmett's jeep. Edward locks up the house dropping all the electric shutters again.

As we head west towards Portland and home I cannot help but wonder when I will next get to visit my Dad and my home. Edward must feel my upset because he leans over and takes my hand in his. Holding it on the console, squeezing ever so slightly. We stop several times on the way back, for me toilet breaks and me something to eat. Once we stop at a particularly pretty spot just to take five minutes and admire the view.

He stands behind me holding me close his arms wrapped around me clasped together in front just over my stomach. We stood there for quite a long time just enjoying being together enjoying the peace and quiet and beautiful scenery.

He turns me to face him, he looks deep into my eyes.

"Bella, I love you more than anything, more than my life. Will you please do me the very greatest honour of agreeing to be my wife."

My mouth opened and did not close I stood with my mouth forming a perfect O. Thinking on my feet I looked back into his eyes and said to him.

"Yes, Edward I'll marry you on the condition that you agree to change me."

**So let me now what you think**

**All reviews gratefully accepted good, bad and indifferent.  
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	13. Chapter 13

**I've Moved On Or Have I?**

I got some lovely responses to the last chapter thank you. Keep the reviews and comments coming**,** I love to read your thoughts.

I've lost my mojo a bit on this story so apologise if this chapter is not up the usual standard. I think it's because I've got two totally different stories running side by side and I am having trouble finding inspiration for this one. From now on I will have one story on the go at any one time.

As usual grateful thanks to SM who owns all that is Twilight.

**Chapter 13**

I felt him stiffen at my words. His arms tightened around me and his eyes were somehow cold, distant. I stifle a sigh, he always reacts like this when I mention him changing me. Today I thought it might be different if I agreed to do something for him. Yes I wanted to marry him, yes I loved him with all my heart, yes I wanted to be with him forever and I am prepared to do that for him, for us. He however does not agree because once again he is avoiding answering the question and his whole demeanour is one of being uncomfortable.

The sigh comes out now as he moves his arms from around me and walk a little distance away.

"Is that it Bella, you won't marry me unless I change you? No discussion, no thought to how I feel about this. Damn it Bella you know how I feel about ending your life."

"And you know how I feel about marriage, but I'd do it for you, I had hoped you'd want me to spend the rest of eternity with you, and by the way I see it as the start of my life not the end Edward. The start of the rest of our lives together as a real couple."

"You think its that easy, after everything my family and I do to keep ourselves away from human blood. You think me biting you and drinking your blood will be easy? Bella you are my singer, your blood calls to me every minute of every moment we are together and even when we aren't and if I were to start I really do not think I would be able to stop. How do you think that makes me feel Bella knowing that I could be the one to drain you and end your life all together?"

I walk towards him and stand close rubbing his back, trying to comfort him and wanting to let him know I understand at least in part.

"Hey I love you, please remember that, we can talk about it when we get home if you like. I think we both need time to let things settle a little before we make any rash decisions. Maybe if we sit down and discuss it rationally we'll be able to agree on something. How does that sound?"

He turns to face me, his face etched in pain and distress. My hands move to continue stroking his arm. He pulls me closer and places his hands low at the bottom of my back. His chin resting on the top on myhead.

"How can I refuse you love. I think our talking things through is the only way we will be able to agree on anything. We may love each other desperately but sometimes its just not enough. Come on lets get home."

He pulls me towards the jeep. The drive home is quieter than I would have liked. He is stewing, fretting and I am helpless to know what to do to lighten his mood.

As we get nearer I try to start a conversation but I get one word answers so I give up with a sigh.

I can feel his eyes on me so I turn automatically to look at him.

"Are you mad at me Bella?"

"No not mad, sad, confused but never mad. Yes you drive me mad with your worrying, your sulking and your lack of consideration for how I feel about this. Edward I want to marry you, be with you forever but in order to achieve that you need to change me."

Now its his turn to sigh.

"I'm sorry Bella, I love you so much and the thought of hurting you, not being able to stop scares me to death. (He laughs a little at his own words) I too want us to be together forever and I know I can give you and me that but what if I can't stop? What if I take too much?"

"You won't Edward, I think you know as well as me that you could never hurt me physically. Your whole being shies away from causing me pain and I think we have both lived too long without each other to cause more pain through emotions don't you?"

"I do, I'm sorry if I upset I was just so excited to ask you to marry me. The location kinda got me carried away a bit. I mean I haven't even gotten you a ring yet. I wanted to propose to you the moment we got back together officially but I knew I should wait you'd be all prickly and stuff."

"Prickly?"

"You know what I mean Bella, I know how you feel about marriage and the whole formal commitment thing. I also know that you know how I feel about it and I know that you love me so I'm guessing you would like to make me happy like I do you**."**

"I don't need a ring and piece of paper to be happy with you Edward or even to be committed to you. I am fully committed to this relationship always had ...well you know that I have always wanted to be with you in every way."

Now outside the apartment he gets out and retrieves our bags**. **I walk ahead and unlock the door, picking up the mail as I go. He follows me at human pace and pops our bags on the floor in the middle of the room. Then he walk up to me and pulls me not too gently into his arms.

"I'm sorry if I upset up really, I know you're in this for the long term like me. I just can't stand the thought of hurting you Bella. I just love you so much, it tears me apart to even think of hurting you to achieve want I really want."

"What do you really want Edward? Tell me"

"You, I want you and me to have eternity. I want us to be together forever as man and wife**. **I'm a selfish monster at heart I'm sorry."

I pull back from him a little so I can look into his eyes.

"You are the most infuriating, sexy, gorgeous vampire I know but I love you non the less. You see you want exactly the same as me really, you are just such a wuss. So now that we both agree we want the same thing shall we agree a date for both?"

"No... it's not as simple as that."

"Sure it is, we'll get married first if you insist, then go off on a honeymoon. Fuck each other senseless for a few weeks then towards the end you can change me. See simple."

"Oh Bella if only that were the case. I'd arrange for us to do next weekend. I'm going to need to talk to Carlisle in detail, prepare properly. We'll need to organise our honeymoon somewhere that is remote so when you wake up as a newborn there is no risk. We can't have you slaying the entire population of wherever it is we go can we now?"

"Does this mean you'll do it?"

"Do I have a choice? I want to marry you, I want you to be my wife Bella in every sense. I'm guessing you won't change your mind, that you won't marry me unless I agree to your condition? So I guess we're at an impasse unless I give in. Believe me Bella I long for us to have forever more than anything and the only thing holding me back is my worry over hurting you and what you will have to go through for three whole days and nights. It will kill me you being in so much pain."

I place my small hand on his cold cheek and make him look at me.

"It will be worth every second of pain if I get to be with you forever after."

Then I kiss him passionately, he responds as I knew he would. Soon I am gasping for breath as he lowers us both onto the sofa. He is hard and erect already, I smile a little at the power I have over him in my own small way.

He lifts his head up and asks

"What?"

"Oh nothing love, come here and kiss me some more."

"Now that I can do."

We must make out on the sofa for a good half an hour before I really need to get up and catch my breath.

"Edward, please I need to breathe. Shall we take this to the bedroom?"

"I'd love to baby, but we don't have time. In about ten minutes the whole family are going to descend. Alice has seen what we have agreed, so she wants to start planning the wedding. I'm sorry."

Shaking my head I ask.

"Not even a quicky?"

"Really you'd be happy with a quick fuck? I thought that after you have just agreed to be my wife you want to be made love to for hours."

"We can do that later Edward, right now I just need your cock inside me and you to make me come hard."

I'm in his arms and being carried to the bedroom at vampire speed before I can blink. My clothes and his are gone already. No time for foreplay, but I for one don't need it. I'm ready for him as soon as he kisses me, just looks at me most of the time. He thrusts into me in one hard lunge and we both catch our breaths.

"Jesus Bella, you feel so good, so tight."

"Please Edward, give it to me hard and fast, I need you right now."

He does not need to asked twice. The pace he sets is too fast for me to keep up with. I just let him bang me. His thrusting hits my clit with every stroke and I am soon on the edge.

"Baby, I'm almost there, god Edward you feel so good fucking me like this. I love it."

My words spur him on even faster and if I dare say so I think a little harder. I know he is holding back so much and I so look forward to becoming a vampire and being able to have sex with him as an equal. Seconds later I fall over the edge into the abyss and oblivion. He soon follows, moaning and groaning like he is in pain.

"Wow, Edward that was... wow."

"Come on get up Bella, they'll be here in about three minutes. If of course Alice hasn't put them off knowing what you had in mind for us."

"No... she won't have seen that will she?"

"Probably, but who cares it was great. Remind me in future if I think we never have time to do that, that we do and I loved it. Remind me how you moan my name as you come around me Bella. It's sure to make me take you straight to bed."

Jumping in the shower we both laugh and spend another minute kissing and not getting clean.

"Come on Cullen you need to stop distracting me with that gorgeous body of yours and let me get washed so I can get dressed and be ready to greet our guests."

"Too late they are already here. They've let themselves in so I guess it doesn't matter how long we take in here. They know what we've been up to so why not just let us enjoy it some more."

I swat his backside at his words and try to keep my squeals low as he proceeds to tickle me and catch a handful of my nether regions. He backs me into the corner of the small shower and I am helpless to stop him.

He kisses me like his life depends on it and once again I ache for him. I don't care either that his family are in the other room knowing full well what we are doing. I've never been one for PDA and I blush at almost any kind of affection but now I really don't care I need him like I need air to breathe.

Looking deeply into his eyes I know he can see I want him to continue. He drops to his knees in front of me and kisses me on my mound. His fingers get to work and his lips soon follow. He lifts my leg up and over his shoulder so he can get better access. I moan at the sensations he has pulsing through me. My hands pull at his hair, urging him on deeper, quicker. Being a vampire has its advantages at times like this. His tongue working at speed bring me to orgasm in seconds and I come all over his tongue. He sucks me dry, well almost.

When he omits a low growl I know someone in the other room has made an inappropriate comment. I can guess who.

He stand in front of me and kisses me gently, coaxing my mouth open. It is not often that Edward french kisses me. He refuses to allow me access to his mouth incase his razor sharp teeth break through my skin. When he does french kiss me I well I lose any semblance of coherency that I may have previously had. His tongue is long, cold and the things he can do with it are...well...

He slips into me and I feel immediately at home, its how we should spend all our free time. Making love to each other. His pace now is slow as he tries to gain depth by shifting our positions. He lifts me so that legs are wrapped around his waist and that way he can gain full access to me. He backs us up once more against the wall and supports me with one hand his other is raking through my hair as he deepens our kisses. His thrusts now become more urgent.

"Bella baby, I'm going to come, I can't hold off any longer you're too wet, too tight. I can't, I'm... I just can't. Oh god Bella."

With that he ploughs into me over and over saying my name in a low voice. It's enough to take me over the edge with him. My own orgasm seems to spur him on some more and he once again picks up the pace and fucks me all over again. This time there is nothing loving about our coupling. It is pure animalistic, lust whatever you want to call it. I orgasm immediately still on a high from our previous love making. When I clench my muscles around him I hear him groan and I can feel every pulsating burst when he empties his seed into me. He lowers my legs to the floor but continues to support me. A good job I think because my legs feel remarkably like jelly right now.

"You okay baby? Did I hurt you?"

" I'm okay just a little wobbly, you didn't hurt me Edward you never do. That was like wow... I mean I don't think I've ever felt anything so intense. Thank you darling you're amazing you know that."

A growl rumbles from his chest.

"Just ignore him love, you know what he's like."

"I'm going to kick his arse when we get out there. He's only threatening to come in here and join in the fun."

I laugh out loud knowing that Emmett is only teasing Edward,

'Love he's teasing you. Rise above it. If I can cope with him I am sure you can too. Now come on lets go face the music."

Once we are dressed we walk out hand in hand. We receive a round of applause from Emmett, Rose, Jasper and Alice. Esme and Carlisle look on with silly grins all over their faces.

"Bro at last, you can fuck with an audience, we're so proud of you. You too Bella, you'll make the grade as a vampire one day."

"Emmett, if you want to live long enough to make love to your wife again I suggest you put a sock in it. Bella and I apologise for not being here to greet you we were ... otherwise occupied."

I slap his arm.

"Hi everyone, sorry about that. We got a little carried away and thought what the hell. It's not like you're not used to hearing each other all the time anyway. So can we move on now. What brings you here?"

"Bella, we're here to celebrate with you. Congratulations on your engagement."

I shrink into Edward's side holding onto his arm.

"It's hardly an engagement Alice, I don't even have a ring for her yet. You always have to jump the gun. We had only just decided on a few things when I saw that you were on your way."

"Weddings take time to plan Edward, these things don't arrange themselves."

"Alice, I don't want a big wedding, just family and a few close friends nothing special and I certainly don't want nothing fancy. It's a miracle I've agreed to do it at all. I've only agreed to it for Edward."

"Bella you don't mean that surely. A wedding is a wonderful thing, something for everyone to celebrate.

"Alice I'll say it again as long as you lot and my Dad and Edward and I are there I really don't care. Edward wants this. I want Edward. End of story. Now please will you stop with all the fuss."

I feel Edward stiffen at my side and he moves away from me a little.

When I turn to look at him I can see the pain in his eyes.

"You don't want to do this do you? You only agreed to it for me. I don't want to marry you Bella if you don't want it too. It has to be what we both want for it to work. You'll end up resenting me if I force this on you."

"Edward we already talked about this. You want marriage I want forever. Compromise remember? I do want to be your wife Edward truly but not with all this fuss. I'd prefer to go to Vegas just you and me."

"No Bella, Alice is right. Our marriage is something to celebrate. Until you can celebrate it too I think we should put things on hold."

"What?"


	14. Chapter 14

**I've Moved On Or Have I?**

**Chapter 14**

**So sorry for the delays. My mojo for this one has definitely packed up and left home. I am determined to finish it even though there are only a small number of people reading it. You deserve that for waiting so patiently. Thank You.**

**SM owns all that is Twilight**

**BPOV**

Did I really hear him correctly? He actually wants to forget the last few hours until I can show more enthusiasm. I can see from the faces of his family that they are as shocked as me. Surely he knows by now that he will not get that sort of enthusiasm from me about wedding details. Maybe he doesn't know me as well as I thought.

Gathering my wits about me I turn to him and say,

"okay, if you feel like that maybe you should leave. I think we both need some time to consider our positions on this. Let yourselves out and oh Alice will you please leave me your key on the table on the way out. Thanks."

I know I'm being petty punishing Alice and the rest of them. I also know they can easily access my apartment if they want to. A quick movement to my right hand side draws my attention.

"Bells, please we all need you in our lives. Please don't shut us out, we're here for both of you. Right now I want to knock your heads together. Jesus, not ten minutes ago you fucking each others brains out and from out here I'd say you were both pretty into it and I'm also sure sure I heard the words I love you moaned a few times. Just think about what happened the last time you were apart." Emmett strokes my arm gently.

"Thanks for caring Em, it's nice to know the rest of you love me. It's just a shame your brother over there does not feel the same."

Walking swiftly toward the door he looks over and says.

"You have no idea Bella, you really have no idea. Come on lets go and leave her in peace."

With that he walks out of the door and the rest of his family slowly follow. They all looked shocked and sad. I see Alice leave the key on the table as I'd requested. Emmett is the last to go and squeezes my hand gently as he walks passed.

"You are both as bad Bella. You are as much to blame for this as him this time. You know what marrying you means to him. Could you not pretend to be excited knowing that? He loves you Bella, never doubt that but in his time marriage was the way you committed to someone for the rest of your lives."

"I said I would marry him Em, we compromised. Am I such a bad person not to want all the pomp and circumstance?"

"It's not about how big the wedding is Bella. He just wants you to be excited that you are marrying him. He saw your face and he read it as if you were being forced into marriage to achieve what you want. I think he thinks its more about being a vampire for you than being with him."

"Don't be silly, what would the point of forever be without him?"

"Have you told him that?"

"I thought I had several times over, maybe not in those words but I've certainly told him I want to be with him forever. He is not stupid Emmett he knows how I feel about him, how I've always felt about him. He knows I would not go into a relationship with him lightly knowing what you are."

"He'll come round Bella, he won't be able to stay away. Not now you've committed to each other physically. You see when a vampire makes love it is with his soul mate, the one he wants to spend forever with. Yes there are ones out there who go from mate to mate but we are not like that Bella and Edward is certainly not like that. If anything he is the one of us that would refuse any sort of physical gratification if it wasn't with the one person he was meant to be with forever. He waited for you to come into his life for a long time Bella. Now he has met and loved you he will not be able to walk away again. Before you were not mated in a physical sense so even though it nearly killed him he was able to stay away. Now it's different, he won't have a choice. When he comes to you Bella, please talk to him. Tell him what you've just told me. He'll be stoked to hear that the forever you want is all about him. Shit I'd better go he's getting mad that I've stayed to talk to you. Call me okay?"

Then he was gone and I was all alone. Tears that I been trying so hard to hold back poured from my eyes and down my face. I sink to the floor and sob. What just happened? Emmett was right we had made love several times and were happy. We were getting married and he'd agreed to change me and now I was all alone. He had left me once again only this time it was all my fault. Why oh why did I find it so had to be excited about our wedding. Years and years of hearing Renee tell me how marriage ruined any good relationship maybe. Or my Dad spending the last god knows how many years alone because of what his marriage did to him. Yes I know that my relationship with Edward is different, we love each other desperately but still the whole marriage thing I cannot understand his need for a ring and piece of paper. I know he's old fashioned but even so. I had managed to get him to forget his 1918 morals on sex so why couldn't lighten up a little on the whole marriage thing.

How long I am slumped on my floor I do not know. The tears are still flowing and suddenly I feel really alone. I wonder if they heard me break down. Em maybe as he'd be the closest unless Edward or Alice stayed behind. I really don't know.

I need to pull myself together, I stand up and make my way to the bathroom. Even the cold water I splash on my face does not make me feel better. I make my way into the bedroom and crawl into bed. I take off only the outer layer of clothes, leaving on my underwear and socks. I continue to cry for what seems like hours. I must fall asleep eventually because when I open my eyes it is almost light unless its a really grey day here in Portland.

A groan escapes from my mouth as a remember the events of the early evening. Rolling onto my back I look up at the ceiling and wonder how the hell that had happened. We had been so happy, so in love. We'd made love and fucked like bunnies and then he had gone. What the fuck was it about Edward fucking Cullen that made him just walk away. All the false promises, all the 'I can't live without you'. They must have been a shit because at the first sign of him not getting his own way as usual he'd bailed. Well thank you for fucking nothing Cullen you piece of steaming shit.

"and you Swan what the fuck were you doing getting involved with him again? Oh you love him, well so much good that did for you."

The day goes by and I do not see or hear from a soul. Neither human or vampire, I read a bit for my finals but cannot concentrate so go back to bed and wallow. I replay in my mind all the wonderful things Edward and I have done together since meeting up again. Making friends outside the family had been a big step for Edward and making love to me an even bigger one. I smiled a little as a recalled our first time and how absolutely perfect it was.

Sleep over takes me again, days go by and nothing. I hear nothing from any of them. So much for Emmett's theory about him not being able to stay away. I need to do something about this mood I'm in. Maybe a hike out in the fresh air will lift my mood . It had been a while since I'd last taken myself out for a long walk, it would probably do me good.

With my back pack packed and ready I headed out. I was heading up to Vista Ridge. I loved the wild flowers up there and the scenery was absolutely breathtaking. I could certainly do with something breathtaking right now. The trail is quiet today, the overcast day putting a lot of hikers off. I do pass several familiar faces all dog walkers and I even stay and chat with an old guy I'd seen on many occasions. His dog Maisie a friendly old collie who loved to be tickled behind her ears.

When I reach the ridge I sit down and breathe. The air up here is fresh and the scent of the wildflowers makes it even sweeter. I pull out my camera and take a few random shots. Below is the forest where I'd first seen Alice. Being a glutton for punishment I turn on the zoom lens and direct my camera to said spot. Nothing there was no one there today. I wonder why I thought they would be keeping tabs on me. Oh I remember because they always did.

After a sandwich and a drink I take some more snaps. There is nothing here that I haven't already captured so I get a little bored. Packing my camera away I wander a little farther on. I haven't been this far before I had always stopped at the ridge and then headed back. Today I wondered what I would find on the other side of the ridge.

The path was fairly steep going down so I had to be careful, I mean this is Bella Swan klutz extraordinaire. I manage to make my way down only slipping a couple of times. The path leads straight into the trees. Dare I continue? Sure why not the day is still young and I'd never heard anything about anyone getting hurt round here. So I kept going.

In the shade of the trees it felt much colder and I stopped and pulled out my hoodie from my backpack. Zipping it up I sling the bag over my shoulder and continue. The path weaves in and out deeper and deeper into the forest I just keep going without a thought. I must walk for a good hour before I realise that this forest could go on for hundreds of miles. I decide to turn back. Shit that means not only will I have to walk back for an hour then I'll have to climb back up to the ridge before I can go home. Great just great. Well done Bella great foresight there.

The hairs on the back of my neck suddenly stand up. Shit I know this feeling.

"Hey Bella, mind if I walk back with you?" she appears out of thin air.

"No Alice I don't mind but could you please keep your opinions to yourself."

"Well I can't promise that now. You know me too well Bella but I will try."

We walk in comparable silence for a while. It is me that is frustrated with her saying nothing so I speak first.

"So how long have you been following me?"

"I saw when you decided to continue into the forest and thought I should make sure you are okay. I wouldn't want anything to happen to my favourite sister now would I?"

"Sister? I don;t think so Alice not now anyway."

"You will be, you know I'm never wrong. You just have to trust me. You do trust me don;t you Bella?"

"I do Alice however it was your meddling in the wedding plans that brought this particular argument to a head."

"Don't remind me. I've have it from all sides, Edward, Emmett even Rose. They all said if I hadn't have wanted to create a princess wedding this would never have happened. I'm sorry Bella I just love weddings and because I love my brother and you I wanted to make it really special."

"It doesn't matter now does it, I mean its over and I am alone once again. He promised you know never to walk away again and now what are we nine days in and not a word. I was such a fool to believe him, to believe he would not run again."

She does not answer me and I wonder a little about why.

"So how is he?" I ask unable to stop my curiosity.

"Don't ask Bella then I don't have to lie to you."

I swallow a large lump from my throat.

"What do you mean Alice? I want to know how he is?"

"Okay but don't say I didn't warn you. For the first few days he spoke to no one, he stayed alone in his room. Then he came out and announced he was leaving. He took a small bag of stuff with him and left. Carlisle says he's up in Denali with Tanya and her family."

"Tanya, yeah well I'm sure he'll be getting plenty of distractions up there. Good to know I suppose. He always made out he was uncomfortable up there because of how she acted around him. Oh well at least I know and I can move on instead of wasting my time wallowing over him."

"I'm so sorry Bella, Emmett is ready to rip his head off. Even Rose cannot believe what he has done. Of all the places to go. Denali. I mean he hasn't been there since he first met you back in high school when your blood scared him. When he fell in love with you and it scared him to death."

As we reach the edge of the trees I turn to tell her it is safe now but she is gone.

Tears pour down my cheeks once again. When I am going to learn that he just isn't worth all my tears. The one thing I didn't expect was him to go running into the arms of another woman. Even if that woman is a vampire and by all accounts gorgeous. They will make stunning pair. After all we'd shared how could he do this. Even if we were over. Wasn't it right and proper to have a period of alone time.

Up on the ridge I sit for a few minutes and close my eyes. His face comes into view.

"Oh Edward, what happened to tear us part this time. I told you I wanted to be with you forever, I told you I'd marry you because in order to achieve one I needed to do the other. I was going to do it gladly for you. The only thing I didn't want was a lot of fuss. I really wanted to marry you I wanted forever with you and no one else. I love you even though you've hurt me more now than ever before. Alice told me you are with Tanya in Denali, I can't believe you would do that to me or us. I suppose now I know what you meant by being easily distracted. Goodbye my love. I will love you until I die."

Talking to him up here seemed to give me a little closure as I made my way back down to the apartment I felt much better than I had in nine days.

It is nearly dark as I open the door and throw my keys into the glass bowl on the table by the door. I drop my bag on the floor and walk straight into the kitchen. I am starving, I realise I probably haven't eaten as well as I should over the last nine days. I make myself a sandwich and prepare a lasagne for later.

I grab a quick shower and feel refreshed and more optimistic about things than I have in a while. Dressed casually in sleep shorts and a cami top I head into my lounge to turn on my laptop and do some studying. The light is off and I walk towards the wall to flick the switch. As I turn back towards the room I see him sat stone still on the sofa. I know its him. His hair alone gives him away.

Slowly I walk toward him. Looking at him.

"We need to talk." he says calmly.

"I don't think so Edward. You have nothing to say that I want to hear, so you can leave right now."

"I'm not going until you listen, after that if you tell me to go I will but you will listen first." he says with a little more force.

I ignore him then and walk into my bedroom and slam the door shut hoping he will take the hint. Obviously not, as my bedroom door opens slowly a few seconds later.

"Please Bella hear me out."

"No Edward, there is nothing left to say. It is over and I want you to leave."

"You don't mean that, I know you don't, you love me. I heard you earlier talking to me. You said you will love me until you die. I believe you Bella."

I push passed him and walk out of the room but once again he follows.

"Why won't you listen, what are you scared of Bella?"

"Scared? Me? Jesus, Edward I'm not scared. I never have been, that's always been your excuse. Now why don't you tell me why you are here so we can get it over with then you go...back to Tanya and whatever."

Shit I hadn't meant to say that. Now he'll know I'm jealous of his relationship with her. Looking at him I see a wry smile on his beautiful face.

"So you don't like the fact I was in Denali visiting? I know Alice told you love but I wasn't visiting Tanya, Bella, I was there to see Eleazar to see if he could suggest how I deal with the fact you didn't want to marry me but wanted me to make you one of us. He is a great listener and foresees many things. I hoped he'd be able to tell me if we were going to be okay. Marriage or not."

"Well its all pointless now anyway so you can go."

"I am not going anywhere Bella until we have sorted this out. I love you, marriage or not I can not live without you. I just needed someone to tell me that was okay love. I was sure you wanted forever for forever's sake. Em told me about your conversation he said I had to talk to you, but not before he wrestled me to the ground and hit me for going to Denali. I did not go to see her Bella, in fact I saw her only fleetingly and she knew I was now fully mated as soon as she saw me. I must look different. Fucked maybe I don't really know."

"Edward, what is the point hashing this out. Okay I'll tell you what I told Em. What would be the point of forever if it wasn't with you. I only wanted forever with you no one else. I'm just sorry we never got to find out what forever could be like."

"Bella, do you love me?"

"Yes, I always will."

"Do you want forever with me?"

"I would love to spend the rest of eternity with you."

"Okay so we both want the same thing all we have to do is make it happen. What do you say?"

"What do you mean Edward?"

"I'll change you now if you want me to. I've lived too long without you."

"Yeah right."

"I mean it Bella, come on lets do this."

"What about getting married?"

"You don't want to, I have accepted that."

"I do want to Edward I just didn't want a big fuss."

"Really? You want to be my wife?"

"I do, almost as much as I want forever but I don't want to wait. Can we just go to Vegas, just me and you?"

"Today? Now, you mean it. I mean I'm ready now I have the rings and everything. Please Bella, say you mean it."

"I mean now Edward."

He has his phone out and is speaking to the airline before I can even think. We are booked on the next flight to Vegas. His family will meet us there giving us time together. Alice I understand has not said a word just grinned quietly.

He has my bag packed before I can think what I want to pack. I laugh at his face. He looks so excited, how could I ever imagined that we would not be together. When I walk back into the bedroom with my toiletries I find him on one knee with a small wooden box open in front of him.

"Bella I love you and want to spend the rest of eternity making you happy. Please say you will accept this ring as a token of my love for you."

Looking down at the diamond glinting up at me, I cannot stop tears once again starting to pour down my cheeks.

"You can choose another if you don't like it love." he says sounding hurt.

"Oh Edward, don't be silly, I love it. It is just perfect and I would have chosen nothing different."

He stands up and places the diamond solitaire on my left hand ring finger with a kiss. It is a perfect fit. I gaze at it admiring how good it looks on my hand.

"I have matching wedding bands for both of us if you want to see."

" I would seeing as I am supposed to give you yours."

He moves and is back before it really registers that he's moved. Now he holds a new wooden box it slightly bigger and houses two matching platinum bands. Mine is narrower and has channel set diamonds on the top. His is broader and plain in the fact it has no diamonds. The cut of both however does not make them look plain but tasteful and timeless.

"Do you approve. I took the liberty of getting them engraved inside. Alice had mine done for you. She said she knew exactly what it had to say."

I take Edward's ring out of the box and turn my back so he cannot see and read the inscription on the inside of the band.

_**Edward & Bella together forever.**_

"She was right. It says exactly what I would have wanted it to."

We walk out of my apartment hand in hand. We fly in a little over two hours so need to get the airport. His family will run and he tells me they are well on their way. They will meet us there and will have already booked us a hotel and the wedding. I feel a little nervous, I have nothing to wear. Alice will make sure I am okay in that I am sure.

It's a little over two and a half hours from Portland to Vegas. The time flies. I think I must sleep for most of the way. His hand never leaves mine. I think I hear a vague conversation between Edward and the stewardess. Something about his fiancee not liking that and he didn't want to be rude but just take the god damn hint that I'm not interested. Poor Edward wherever we go he gets hit upon. My best guess would be the offer to join the mile high club.

Opening my eyes I see him staring at me intently.

"Sleep okay love?"

"Hmm, fine, so you being turning naughty stewardesses down again have you?"

"You heard that huh?"

"Only bits, was it awful?"

"Yes, I hate it. Especially when I have you with me and I'm sat holding your hand and your hand has my engagement ring on it sparkling for her to see."

"Sweetheart some girls just aren't bothered if you are taken. All they care about is nailing the most attractive guy. So how about we give her something to remember you by?"

"What do you mean?" he asks sounding nervous.

"Kiss me silly."

"Oh is that all, you had me worried there for a minute."

We spend the rest of the flight kissing passionately, the stewardess walks by several times but does not bother us again. When we land Emmett is waiting for us with a huge grin on is face.

Pulling me into his huge arms and swinging me around he says.

"I am so glad you two sorted your crap out. Bella did he tell you I beat him up for going to Denali?"

"He did Em and thank you for looking out for me. I guess we should believe him if he told us all the same story huh?"

"I suppose so, so do you like the ring? Let me have a look. I can't believe we are here in Las Vegas so you two can tie the knot. Come on the others are waiting. Alice has booked us all into the Bellagio. Wait until you see the suites."

He's like a little kid so giddy. The drive from McCarran airport is short less than ten minutes. Emmett has brought Edward a cap so that the sun does not hit face. I wondered about the long sleeves, now I knew why.

We are ushered into the large airy foyer and Emmett hands over a key to me and drags poor Edward off in another direction.

"Alice is waiting for you Bells. We'll meet you at the venue in two hours."

God now it was really hitting home I was getting married to Edward Cullen in two hours. Glancing at my watch I saw it was almost five so the wedding must be a seven. Twilight. Could this

be anymore perfect.

The key fob reads Bellagio suite floor 36. when I let myself in a squeal comes from all three women stood inside waiting for me. Alice, Esme and Rose are stood waiting to pamper me to death I assume. The room is huge and very elegant.

"This is your and Edward's room Bella we are all on other floors in the hotel. Now come on we need to get you ready. When did you last wax?"

"I can't remember why?"

"Well we need you to be silky smooth so that you stay that way once you change and I'm sure Edward will appreciate it too. Now hurry up move your arse girl."

The bathroom is bigger than my whole apartment. They leave me to shower in peace but when I get out and walk wrapped in only a towel into the bedroom they pounce.

I am instructed to do this and that. Rose is in charge of the waxing and I cringe when she tells me where to uncover. I scream the place down when she insists on doing me a brazilian. Why the hell would anyone want to go through all that pain for a couple of week to have to go through it all again. I need ice packs after and they laugh and get on with getting ready themselves.

I has seen the dress bag hanging up on the wardrobe door. I hoped she had not gone too OTT, if I had the choice I would choose something simple and elegant.

When my hair was done and I had on a matching set of very sexy underwear along with a garter belt Alice unzipped the dress bag and I got my first glimpse of my wedding dress.

I do not think it was possible for me to speak. What she uncovered took my breath away. It was stunning, ivory, soft looking and I fell in love with immediately. Sleeveless and fitted around the bust area it then flowed effortlessly to the floor. It hung beautifully and as soon as it was on I felt like a princess.

"Alice, its perfect, I could have chosen nothing better. Thank you."

"I'm glad you like it Bella, as soon as I saw I knew it would be perfect for you both. Edward will love it."

"So am I right in thinking the wedding is at seven?"

"Yes on the Terrazza Di Sogna overlooking the lake. The setting is beautiful Bella, we were lucky to get it."

I am ready and it is time for me to go and meet my future husband.

**So I am think just one more chapter should wrap this one up. **

**Leave me the love.**


	15. Epilogue

**I've Moved On Or Have I?**

**Epilogue**

Finally I hear you cry. I conclude this story. I was tempted to not complete it with so few reading but those of you how took the time read and review deserve to get an ending. Thank you all so much for sticking with me.

**As usual thanks to SM who owns all that is Twilight.**

**BPOV**

Alice and I walk slowly down the corridor towards the lifts that will take me to my one true love.

"Hey Alice, sorry if this wedding does not meet your exacting standards. We just needed to do this now our way and I still think I look like a bride and I feel amazing. This dress is fantastic and the setting is perfect when you are marrying the vampire of your dreams, believe me."

"I do and I'm not upset in fact I rather like this setting. I may use it again for Em and Rose's next wedding or even Jazz and mine's. You do look beautiful Bella, he's going to want to whisk you away the minute he sees you. He is telling you the truth by the way about Denali. Tan rang Rose and complained about how he reeked of sex with a human and was different. She said the pull had gone even if he was drop dead gorgeous."

It takes only moments for the lift to reach the lobby. Eyes fall upon us from every corner of the room. Men openly ogle and I cannot help a little giggle when I hear a low growl. Edward is obviously reading the thoughts of the men in the lobby.

Alice rushes us towards the Terrazza. Stood in front of his family stands the man I love. Next to him stands Emmett looking proud and happy. The grin on his face makes me want to giggle.

A movement off to my left makes me turn my head. My mouth opens but no words come out. Alice steps in front of me and says.

"Be nice, I knew you wouldn't want to do this without him Bella. I'll see you at the altar sis."

Charlie stood looking all embarrassed, he had on the same suits all the Cullen men were wearing.

"Are you mad I'm here Bella?"

"No not mad just surprised. I thought you wanted nothing to do with me and Edward being together."

"Well Alice kinda made me see how selfish that was and I really wanted to be the one to walk you down the aisle. You look incredible by the way. He's a very lucky man. I know he loves you Bella and I also know how much you love him I accept that now."

"Okay good, well I'm glad you're here because I would have hated to do this without you. So we better get this show on the road before he thinks I've changed my mind."

I cue the piano player who expertly plays me in to Claire De Lune. Edward turns and looks at me as I walk slowly towards him on my Fathers arm. The look on his face is priceless, it is full of love, joy and total happiness. When I reach him and my Dad hands me over to him as soon as our hands meet I know I have come home.

The service is just a haze I do not even realise when I am called upon to say my vows. Edward's small squeezing of my hand brings me back into the here and now. I smile apologetically to the minister.

"I do." I say quietly.

"I do" Edward replies with a firm conviction in his voice.

When we are finally pronounced husband and wife he reaches for me and kisses me passionately before the minister says he can. The clearing of throats behind us make us part. I am blushing like a beetroot.

"Sorry, I couldn't wait to kiss my wife." Edward says proudly.

We receive everyone's congratulations and make our way to the hotel's lake for a celebratory toast. I cannot help a small smirk crossing my face as I notice non of the Cullen swallow any of the champagne. How they dispose of it I will never understand but it certainly is not seen by any human eye.

We dance our first dance as man and wife to Etta James At Last. Quite appropriate I think for how long we had taken to get to this actual point. Being in Edward's arms makes dancing easy. He sings every word to me and I could stay in this position forever.

"So love shall we say goodnight to our guests and start our own celebrations?"

"Edward it's only early, they will know what we are doing." I tell him blushing again.

"Bella, its our wedding night of course they will know what we are doing. I just hope they allow us to leave in peace and that Em and Jazz have not decorated the suite up too much."

"Okay you tell them I can't."

"Everyone, Bella and I would like to say thank you for making today so special, for being here to celebrate our wedding with us. It has been one of the happiest days of my life so far matched only by the day I first met my wife. We'd like to say goodnight now and I guess we'll see you all after the honeymoon in about two or three weeks time."

A series of hugs and kisses follow before we allowed to leave. My Dad is flying back to Seattle later tonight. Emmett has volunteered to drive him back to the airport.

Edward carries me over the threshold of our suite. The room is dimly lit with hundreds of tiny candles of all different colours. It's very romantic. The bed is covered with red rose petals and on the bedside cabinet stands yet another bottle of champagne and a dish of fresh strawberries.

"I can see my sisters think you may be hungry during the course of the night love. Do you want me to open the champagne for you now?"

"I don't need any more champagne Edward. Will my husband please get over here and make love to me please."

I didn't need to ask twice. He loved me thoroughly during the course of the night. Sometimes slowly and with so much feeling it made me want to cry. Other times it was hard and fast and I loved every second. As dawn broke I fell into a deep sleep while Edward watched, holding me in his arms.

Tomorrow he would take me to our honeymoon destination. We had agreed that we would have a week as newly weds with me remaining human before he made me his forever. He was still fretting over the change. Nothing I said made him worry less. Sure I wasn't looking forward to burning in hell for three days but if that is what it takes for me to get my forever then that is what I want.

I was woken in the morning to my husbands mouth kissing me all over. We had made love several times last night and still my body reacted to his touch. I moaned and thrust myself into his kiss. He was skilled beyond his experience with his tongue and I thought I was going to die from the pleasure that coursed through me. My orgasm hit me hard and seemed to go on forever as I clenched around his tongue.

He crawled back up me as I came down from my high.

"Jesus Edward, I am still human you know. You are going to kill me doing things like that to me."

"Sorry love, I just couldn't resist. You must have been dreaming about us making love and the scent of your arousal drove me insane. I couldn't not eat you. I love you Bella, you make me so happy."

"I know I love you too, now get here and fuck me hard so we can get on our way to forever."

We drove north, through Nevada, onto Idaho and way beyond into Montana. He refused point blank to tell me our destination. We stopped every night at prearranged hotels far more luxurious than I expected. He pampered me, loved me and drove me mad with keeping his secret. Eventually we crossed the Canadian border into Saskatchewan. I saw the sign for the Prince Albert National Park after we had travelled further and further into the province.

"Okay yes, we have a cabin on the lake in a remote part of the park. Are you happy now?"

"Will you tell me about it and why you chose it for our honeymoon?" I ask wanting to hear him talk about this place.

"Well it's incredibly beautiful, like you. We haven't been here for years and years and I wanted us to do something together that no one else in family had done. Alice and Jazz were not even with us the last time we stayed here. Esme has had the cabin upgraded over the years and we sometimes let it out to tourists but not this year. Esme's latest renovations were completed a couple of months ago and she showed me the photo's online and I knew it would be perfect. The views of the lake are stunning Bella and we can go hiking and out onto the lake. You'll love the peace and quiet. It will be perfect for your transformation. Even after you wake up we can hunt together and there will be no chance of you running into any humans."

"You sound like you love it."

"I do, I'd actually forgotten all about it until Esme showed me the pictures and then when you said you'd marry me if I changed you I knew it would be the perfect place. I think you will love it too."

As we drove the scenery became more and more dramatic and took my breath away. When we eventually pulled off the road onto a man made road that lead into the park I could not but help but feel a little nervous. Edward must have sensed this because he squeezed my hand and whispered quietly.

"You do know you don't have to do this don't you? If you're not sure or scared we can wait until you are ready. I am happy to wait Bella you know that."

"I don't want to wait Edward, yes I'm a little nervous but I'm guessing most people would be. I love you and yes I'd like to do the whole touristy thing for a few days but then we need to do this. I need to be your equal Edward, for me."

"I love you you know that right? You are incredible and I still cannot believe you agreed to be my wife. I'm a fucking vampire for gods sake. You must be nuts."

"You cannot help who you fall in love with Edward. Vampire or human I was hooked the minute I saw you. Then once I got to know you as a person I fell deeper and deeper. Nothing you or anyone said could have changed how I feel about you. I'm only glad you have finally seen sense and agreed to let me have forever with you. Thank you for that."

I should have known that the cabin by the lake would be a sprawling ranch type house with large glass windows overlooking the beautiful lake. A wrap around verandah housed cushioned chairs and sofa's. Inside took my breath away, light and airy every wall a subtle shade of cream or white. The windows were housed in natural wooden frames and the same wood made up the stairs and all the doors internally. The kitchen was pure white with dark grey slate walls and surfaces. I should have known that when I opened the fridge it would be stocked with every food I could imagine as well as a dozen bags of blood.

"Oh, you shouldn't have seen those. Those are for when you wake up. To ease your thirst while you gather your bearings. I wish Alice had told me they were there, sorry love."

"Edward its okay, I need to know about stuff like this. Where did it come from?"

"Blood donors. No one died for this don't worry."

"Human blood Edward, I don't want to drink any human blood, donated or not."

"Well we'll see how you are next week when you wake up shall we."

We take the small boat out onto the lake and I show him how I can fish. He has me howling with laughter when I bring a catch in and it lands in his lap. He jumps up and makes such a girly noise. The small boat rocks dangerously from side to side. I have at last found Edward's weakness. Cold slimy fish in his lap. He grunts at me later when I tease him.

The next day we walk for miles, when I get tired he carries me. We do not see another human being. Plenty of animals take off as soon as Edward gets near. Birds screech, deer run away and two wolves even take off in the opposite direction.

"Ever felt like you're not wanted around here love?"

"Hmm, good job you love me isn't it?"

Five days of peace and relaxation. We walk, talk, swim and hike. We make love for hours on end and just when I think I cannot take anymore he does something that has us starting all over again. Gentle reminders that I am not yet like him fall on deaf ears. He doesn't hurt me, no never that but he does wear me out completely. He is insatiable and while it is great for my ego I am a simple human who needs to sleep and rest at least for now.

Thinking about Edward's never ending love making makes me realise he is trying to get us to experience everything in my human form before he changes me.

"Edward, we can't do it all you know before the change. I know as a vampire you do not need to recover but I do. Please listen making love with you is the most wonderful experience ever but we cannot fit everything we may do over a lifetime into a week. I won't make it that long at this rate you'll have worn me out."

"I'm sorry love. I just want you to experience as much as possible before..."

"I know."

"So when do you want to do this love and how."

"Well how about tomorrow night, we can spend the day outside and then after dinner we can make love and you can bite me then."

"You want me to do it as we make love? I don't know if I'll be able to Bella."

"Isn't that when you most want to bite me?"

"Not anymore. Being away from you changed all that. Maybe after once we've settled down for the night. If you are okay with that. I could hold you then for the three days if you want me to."

"Is Carlisle going to come and oversee it?"

"No, Alice says there is no need. They will come here in about a month to see how you are doing. I think they want to give us some space as newly mated vampires. The sex can get a little much for couples who have being together for a while."

"You mean we're going to be going at even more than we have been?"

"Baby, this has been nothing, sorry to rain on your parade but you are in for the time of your life."

"I can't wait for that part."

Tomorrow arrives and we spend a pleasant day outdoors. There is something in the air though a sense of something I haven't felt before.

We make love for hours, I cry, he cries and when we are finally sated and I am laid in his arms he asks me.

"Are you sure love? It's okay if you want to wait."

"Edward I love you, I want forever with you starting now please I need this as much as I need you. I cannot wait to be a vampire like you. I am so looking forward to waking up and getting to be with you forever."

He hovers over me naked and kisses the human me passionately for the last time.

"I love you so much Isabella Cullen. I cannot wait for you to wake up in three days time and spend the rest of our existence together. We are going to have a absolute ball together and the sex is going to be mind blowing. Just make sure you remember to be gentle with me when you first wake up."

With that he moves over to my neck and kisses me gently. When I hear say 'sorry love' I know it is over. The blackness takes over soon after and all I can feel is a burning starting at the tips of my toes and heading quickly up the rest of me.

The only relief from the white hot burn is the arms wrapped around me that are cooling. I hear his whispered words from time to time. He sounds in pain and I ache to make him feel better. I hear his tortured cries of I love you and I'm so sorry baby.

Something has changed now, he no longer feels cool, somehow I had missed the burning sensation stopping. I want to open my eyes but I'm not sure I can.

"Bella baby, open your eyes, I'm here love. Please open your eyes for me."

I try I really do but no matter how hard I try I cannot open them. As soon as I stop trying they open. Everything looks sharp and loud if that makes sense. Edward comes into focus his eyes now black because he needs to eat. He hasn't left my side and before that while we had honeymooned he had said he didn't need to eat. Now he looked thirsty.

When I turn to look at him I realise he is still naked and I want him immediately. I lick my lips in anticipation. Alice had told me all I'd want when I woke up was blood. Sex was supposed to off the agenda for at least a year. Yeah right like i could wait another minute with him naked her beside me.

"Edward, oh Edward, I love you so much you feel warm. You smell divine and I want you so badly. How about showing me some of those vampire moves you mentioned before."

"Bella, Bella, Bella." he says laughing.

In a second flat he is on his back under me and I impale myself on his ever hard erection.

"Are you laughing at me husband?" I ask riding him hard.

He had promised me a good time as a vampire I was just getting us off to the right start.

**The End**


End file.
